


Sad Song

by Open_Knowledge



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Castiel, Alpha John, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Child Abuse, Discussion of Abortion, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, M/M, Minor Castiel/Meg Masters, Mpreg, Omega Dean, Parent/Child Incest, Possessive Behavior, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slow Burn, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-28 02:05:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 47,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8426701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Open_Knowledge/pseuds/Open_Knowledge
Summary: He cries a little more, quietly and sadly this time. The cartoons, though they are still running, are no longer entertaining. They no longer sooth him at all. So, he closes his eyes and imagines his mom, imagines her running her fingers through his hair and singing to him, while the smell of her tomato rice soup cooking makes him feel better before he even eats it.

  “I won’t make it sad, mommy,” he whispers, his tears fall silent, slow and unstoppable. “I won’t make it sad; I’m not gonna make it sad.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Underage rape, incest, manipulation, child abuse.

Mary Winchester peers down at her firstborn, her smile as bright as ever and she has never felt as happy as she feels in that moment. Their first son--the first baby to give her the opportunity to be a mother; the first baby to bring her and John Winchester more happiness than they could have anticipated in their lives.

“Hi, sweetheart,” she whispers, her smile so big and contagious, John feels himself smile, too.

“Who do you want to name him after, your mother or your father?” John smiles, his chest filling with so much Alpha pride at what he is witnessing; his Omega and their first born pup.

Mary smiles and keeps her gaze on her son, her vision blurs because she can’t believe her luck.

“Dean,” she whispers, looking up at her Alpha, her gaze full of such love, devotion, and gratitude it is so hard to contain. “Dean, after my mom.” She laughs softly, her body moving and waking the newborn. She looks at him, so quiet and so similar to her; the spitting image of Mary Winchester and John can’t believe that a son can ever carry Mary’s features without being so feminine.

“An Omega, I can already feel it,” Mary still keeps her gaze on her son, the nurse and doctors completely forgotten while she looks up at her Alpha next to her.

“I don’t know, sweetheart, it’s too early to guess, don’t you think?” John whispers, looking at his Omega, her hair sticking to her forehead due to the sweat and exhaustion after the long hours of labor.

He leans forward, kisses her forehead and smiles, so grateful to start a family with someone as beautiful as Mary Campbell, now Winchester.

Mary laughs a little more, the baby in her arms starting to fuss again, probably hungry and looking for more comfort.

“Oh, John Winchester and your Alpha pride. You just wait and see, I’m going to be right and you’re gonna have to live with the fact that your Alpha posturing and sense aren’t always right.”

John laughs and shakes his head, his eyes watering because he can’t believe this is happening. He thought that after the war he was going to come back home and be broken and never find happiness. But Mary had come into his life and had changed everything and brightened his world as she did everything else. Mary’s the source of light he had been looking for to survive, and he will be forever grateful to God for giving him her.

The baby in Mary's arms starts to cry, his little nose scrunching up, while his little fists move around, his body rocking with his little sobs.

“Awe, honey, don’t worry,” Mary coos, leaning closer toward her son, kissing the top of his head. “It’s okay, Dean. Mommy’s here, I have you, baby,” she peers down at him, seeing him calm down a bit, little hiccups rocking his small, fragile body. “Don’t you worry bout a thing, honey. Angels are watching over you,” she whispers, her dreams finally coming through.

“Welcome home, Dean Winchester.” John leans in, kisses the top of his son’s head for the first and Mary smiles, her heart so full of emotions, but so happy with life.

 

*****X*****

 

Dean looks around him, his heart pounding in his ears and he doesn’t know what to do. His little arms hurt, he can barely keep running, but his dad told him to take Sammy outside as fast as he can and not look back. He can hear Sammy crying in his arms, his fists raised above him, wailing so loud and sad.

“It’s okay, Sammy. I got you, Angels are watching over me,” he whispers, running down the stairs and finally reaching the front yard. He stops for a second, looking up at his house, wondering where their dad is. But before he can completely register the image in front of him, his dad is picking them up and running away from the house, the smell of smoke on the air and sticking to their clothes as the windows explode. Dean forgets bits and pieces and focuses on Sammy and his dad.

Some time passes, but Dean is not so sure how much, all he can hear is the fire burning their house up, people coming out to see and Sammy’s cries.

“I got you, son,” his dad whispers, and Dean doesn’t know how to respond, he just wants to see his mom and have her tell him about the Angels and how they are watching over him.

Dean can hear the loud sirens of police cars and officers rushing around and firemen somewhere around him, his neighbors surround his family, spitting questions at his dad left and right.

“John, are you and the boys okay?”

“-the house is on fire-”

“-your boys okay, or do they need-”

“-Mary is not out here-”

“-Dean and the baby with you-”

“-Mary died in there-”

Dean closes his eyes, unable to process everything around him, he just wants his mommy to come sing him out of this nightmare.

He leans on his dad, opening his eyes and watching the fire take his house from him. All he can do is feel his dad and take hold of Sammy’s little foot and hum Hey Jude to himself, somehow knowing his mommy’s not going to be there to do it this time, or ever again.

“I won’t make it sad, mommy. I’m not going to make it sad.”

 

  *****X*****

 

Dean is five years old the first time it happens, and he doesn’t understand it at all. He is watching t.v. in the small motel room his dad has rented for this time, Sammy asleep in one of the beds while his dad lies on the other bed. Dean is sitting on the floor, his back facing the beds, so entranced on what is going with the blue cat and the brown mouse he keeps failing to catch.

John watches him intently, a beer bottle in his right hand while the other lays on top of his lower abdomen. He watches Dean, so identical to Mary; green eyes, the same shade Mary’s had been, freckles smattering over those rosy cheeks just like Mary’s had been, the blond hair the same golden as Mary, those full lips just like Mary’s had been, and those long, thick lashes-

“Omega,” he whispers, and Dean turns immediately and John remembers that night at the hospital and knows Mary had been right all along.

His left hand is unbuttoning his pants before he can even process the movements, Dean furrowing his brows confused before turning his attention back to the t.v.

John feels guilt filling him, but he had been alone for so long and he missed his Omega. Mary had been everything John had loved since he met her and he couldn’t believe that life had taken her from him. He is alone and miserable and Dean is there and he looks so much like Mary and he couldn't help it. He truly couldn’t.

“Come ‘ere, boy. I need you now, Omega,” he says, watching Dean freeze for a second before standing up and walking toward him.

John watches the small body, so beautiful and sweet and for a second when Dean’s eyes fell on him, he swears he saw Mary in them. Mary, so sweet and beautiful and full of life; the light John had always needed to survive. Her lips so full and pink and he can still remember the way they looked and felt around his knot. Mary had been a wild card and John had enjoyed her so much.

John feels his blood filling his cock, the heat of want and lust washing over him like some new source of relief. God, he had forgotten how much he had lusted after Mary.

Dean reaches the bed, watching his dad intently, his eyes still furrowed in confusion, because he doesn’t know what his dad wants him to do now. Sammy’s asleep, he knows that, but his dad had still called for him now and Dean is confused as to why.

“Take your clothes off, Omega,” his dad whispers, and Dean is even more confused because he has already showered today; his dad had seen him, so he can’t figure out why his dad would be telling him to take his clothes off.

“Come on, Omega. Don’t make me repeat myself,” Dean quickly obeys, looking at Sammy for a second making sure he’s okay. John turns to look at his younger son, too, making sure he’s completely asleep before standing and pulling his pants and underwear down. He notices Dean look at him, his eyes wide and turning around, his naked back facing him making him chuckle.

“I’m gonna need you to turn back around, Omega,” John says, setting the beer bottle on the nightstand before settling back in bed, his back against the wall, the pillow serving as some kind of support. He watches Dean trembling, his small, naked form patterned with freckles reminding him of Mary, the round Omega bottom he knows will become even more inviting as Dean grows and John can’t wait to see it happen.

He felt his cock twitch, getting harder by the second and he can’t help his left hand taking a hold of it, stroking himself slowly, his gaze so intently on Dean’s body, anticipating how good it will feel having something sheathing his cock again.

Dean turns around, his eyes closed and John is starting to get annoyed with the boy.

“Open your eyes, Omega. Stop acting stupid and come here,” he says, his other hand taking a hold of Dean’s arm and tugging him closer.

“You look so much like your mother,” John whispers, the hand on his cock quickening the pace a little as he stares at Dean. “So sweet and pure, but always so ready to take me in,” John whispers, the image of Mary replacing Dean and he all he wants is to take what is his.

“Up you come, Omega,” he lifts the little body on top of himself letting the small boy look at his cock, so hard and ready, leaking precum. “My beautiful young Omega,” he caresses Dean’s right cheek, watching the rosy color bloom on them, the freckles becoming more prominent.

"You always wanted to be like your mommy, didn’t you Dean?” John whispers, his index finger caressing down the small collarbone and to the nipple, imagining it hardening at his mere touch.

Dean nods, his eyes are wide open, staring at his dad though he does not know what to do, he does want to be like his mommy. He always wanted to be like her.

“Well, if you do want to be like your mother, you have to help me with whatever I need like your mother always did,” John continues, his fingers going down to Dean’s small cock, seeing if it twitches under his touch.

“Okay,” Dean whispers, wanting to be like his mommy and help his dad because Uncle Bobby has always said that his dad needed help and Dean has always been willing to hep his dad with everything.

“Very good, sweetheart. You’re gonna be good for your Alpha aren’t you?” John says, feeling his cock throbbing with anticipation for what is to come. Dean nods, his little hands against his narrow chest while he watches at his father. John smiles, reaching for one of his little hands, making Dean wrap it around his cock.

“Jesus, yes, sweetheart, touch my cock,” John closes his eyes, still holding Dean’s hand while he slides it over his cock, over the head and down again. “Yes, my little Omega, you're helping your Alpha so much...so much. Yes...yes-” he lets his eyes slide shut. The touch is innocent and uncoordinated reminding John he is Dean’s first Alpha, making something flare in his veins. He doesn’t think much about it, but allows it heat his blood as he opens the bedside drawer and pulls out the small tube of lubricant he always carries now to pleasure himself. This time, though, this time he doesn’t have to do it alone, he has a pliable body to aid him.

John moves Dean to the bed, laying him on his back and spreading those coltish legs so far apart to see the welcoming, small hole just waiting, he thinks, begging to be fucked.

“I can’t wait ‘till you’re older and present,” John murmurs, uncapping the tube and squeezing a sizable amount of lube onto his finger. “It’s going to be so much easier for you to help your Alpha, then,” John brings his fingers to Dean’s opening, watching it tighten under his touch. The muscles of Dean's ass cheeks squeeze his finger. He hushes the omega and lays his finger in the crevice, massaging the muscles bracketing his digit. Once Dean relaxes he moves his fingertip back and forth across his target, the small ring of muscle he wants to breach. John's cock is so hard just wanting to be in there, so tight, and so warm and soon so wet. “Shh sweetheart. You’re going to be the perfect Omega,” John fits the first finger in, hearing Dean whimper in pain, but not stopping because, oh, God, John had to be in there.

“You’re going to be just like your mother. I can still remember her; so sweet and soft and pliant under me,” John watches his finger going in and out, Dean’s whimpers more constant now, but he keeps coaxing and talking; distracting the boy while he fits another finger in and begins scissoring the ring of muscle open. Dean cries out in pain, tears stream down his face, his hands clench the bed cover, his eyes squeezed shut and his teeth clenched because it is too painful.

“Dad, it hurts!” Dean sobs, his small body rocking with the force of it, but John can’t stop himself, he needs to get his Omega ready so he can finally be in there, finally take what was rightfully his. God has shown him a new source of light and John is going to secure it for himself and this time keep it forever.

“You feel so tight around my fingers, my sweet Omega,” he whispers, fitting a third finger in. "Shh shh. You're going to be so good for your Alpha"

“Dad! It hurts please stop, please!” Dean pleads eyes wide as the full weight of three fingers opens him, but John continues, hushing his boy and reminding him with a finger of his free hand to his lips and a head tilt towards the sleeping baby Sam. Dean quiets himself while John rotates his finger to spread the lube around. He begins to piston his fingers, while he grabs the abandoned bottle of lube and squeezes some more out to cover his cock, so ready and hard to be inside his little Omega.

“You should ready to take your Alpha now, Omega.” John murmurs assessing the job he has done stretching his boy. Dean sobs a breath, his eyes close once more and tears fall freely, but he tries to quiet himself because he doesn’t want Sammy to wake up and see him crying. He's supposed to help his dad, and Sammy will be scared if Dean cries; he needs to take care of Sammy; he needs to keep quiet and help-

“Dad!” Dean gasps once John slams into him, the pain so unbearable. John covers his mouth with one of his hands, rocking slowly in and out of Dean, shushing him.

“Come on, you said you wanted to help me and be like your mother,” John whispers. He stills a moment to take one of Dean's hands and place it over Dean's mouth so the boy can quiet himself but breathe freely. With both hands free John moves to a position he can better control. "Be a strong Omega, like your mother. Good boy, you can take it." The Alpha assures as he begins thrusting and groaning, feeling how tight Dean is around his cock. He feels his knot growing, so ready to lock him to his new Omega.

Dean keeps crying, shaking his head and his eyes remain closed.

“It hurts, daddy, it hurts!” He sobs unintelligibly against his hand and John groans, loving the way Dean feels and his little wordless whimpers.

“Yes baby, it's daddy. Your daddy loves you so much. Daddy needs his Omega.” John closes his eyes in pleasure, his hips harshly thrusting and gaining pace, groaning as he felt his knot spreading that good, little hole even more.

Dean’s mumbled cries don’t stop him, he keeps thrusting, keeps moving, keeps fucking, keeps taking because he has been given a second chance. John can still be happy, God has given him another Mary to have and John knows he has to lay claim to his little Omega if he wants to keep it.

Dean holds his breath, his body rocking with the force of it as his dad keeps hurting him. Dean doesn’t understand what’s happening or why it hurts so much. He just knows his daddy needs this, but he just wants it to be over so he can go curl around Sammy and be with him. He hopes his efforts are enough and his dad doesn’t do it to Sammy, too. With that thought, he takes another breath and then holds his nose too so he makes less noise.

Dean turns his head to look toward the other bed, to check on Sammy. It's a little difficult with his crying and all, but his brother is sound asleep, facing them. Poor Sammy who doesn’t remember mom and is always coming to Dean when he’s bored, tired or hungry. His dad has told him what his job is, and Dean is a good son and has obeyed everything his dad has told him to do, but nothing has hurt so much as this Omega business.

“My little Omega, fuck! I’m going to fuck you all the time," John groans, his hips working slower, but pushing harder to press the knot into the tight hole. "It hurts now, sweetheart, I know, but you’ll get used to it, the more I do it,” John whispers. John bears down hard and steady pressing home to the base. Dean’s attention is 100% on John now. "Good boy, be like mommy. Mommy loved it." The only thing illuminating the room is the t.v. “You’re gonna beg for my cock, for my knot.” The intrusion within Dean is getting impossibly bigger. It is all within him now. John holds his pelvis tight to Dean feeling the beautiful swell of his knot. After a glance down to ensure he is enclosed within his Omega he folds his body to fit his nose over the side of Dean’s neck, scenting him, grazing his teeth over it wanting to mark, but knowing people would ask questions if he did it. “My sweet, little Omega. You’re all mine now, all mine. Mary gave me you to replace her because she knew.”

Dean's shoulders shake with the force of his renewed crying, his fingers dig into his cheeks as he holds the sounds at bay. He keeps his hands tight to his face when what he wants to do it push John away, wanting him to stop because he can’t take it, he can’t do this. He doesn't want to do this, he doesn't like the way his dad's scent smells; he doesn't want to do this again. 

John rocks in short very hard thrusts, once, twice, three times and comes inside the small body, his knot fully spread, making Dean cry louder at how stretched he is, but John’s one hand covers both of Dean's on his face, taking a quick glance at Sammy and seeing him still asleep.

“Sh, you’re gonna wake our pup up, sweetheart,” John whispers, his knot still deep in Dean, his little Omega’s eyes glossy with tears now that he's opened them to check Sam. John removes his hand leaving Dean to silence himself once more. The boy shakes his head even as his eyes clench shut. He won't wake his baby brother. Dean will not let Sam be hurt by this. Though Dean's cries through his nose are quiet, his sobs still rock his body hard, stimulating John's cock once again. The Alpha groans and grinds his hips. The Omega's tight channel feels so tight and so warm and now so wet on his knot, load after load of cum fill Dean up. John looks down, seeing the distending caused by his knot and cum. The sight makes him groan again and rock against his Omega in a final surge, Dean still crying, gasps and hiccups.

Dean’s legs hurt, his body hurts, his head and arms hurt, but John seems to be winding down, so he lies lax and cries watching Sammy and hoping, praying this doesn’t ever happen to him. Little Sammy won’t be able to take it, and Dean has to protect him; Dean can keep him safe from everything if he can get this Omega thing right.

“This stays between us, okay, darling boy? You don’t tell anyone, neither Bobby nor Pastor Jim, about this.” John keeps pressed into his Omega, his knot full, and his body feeling so much relief and satisfaction; an Alpha replete, full of power and authority. “Do you understand, my sweet Omega?”

Dean nods, his tears still flowing, his body still hurting, his innocence and childhood stolen from him and he doesn’t even know it.

“Such a good Omega, so good,” John continues. He moves his hips around twisting onto his back and bringing Dean with him, which at first tugs on his passage and hurts the little boy even more. He almost lets his hands slip, almost cries out again.

Dean lies atop John, his body trembling, hurting and exhausted. John is still now, his hand no longer running up and down Dean's back. He seems to be dozing off, but Dean cannot sleep. Everything hurts, everything little move hurts and he doesn’t know how to make it stop hurting.

Mommy would have known what to do; mommy would have known how to deal with everything.

Dean isn't really aware of how time has passed, his dad is asleep, but that thing Daddy called his knot is still there and it still hurt so much. Dean can’t move, can’t even breathe deeply without every muscle in his body hurting. He feels so sad and angry and so bad for this, for everything that has happened since his mom died. Dean just wants her back, have her sing, _Hey Jude_ , until he falls asleep and tells him about the Angels watching over him. Dean’s just wants his mom to come take care of him and Sammy and dad; come be this Omega again so he doesn’t have to do it himself.

He cries, a little more, quietly and sadly this time. The cartoons, though they are still running, are no longer entertaining. They no longer sooth him at all. So, he closes his eyes and imagines his mom, imagines her running her fingers through his hair and singing to him, while the smell of her tomato rice soup cooking makes him feel better before he even eats it.

“I won’t make it sad, mommy,” he whispers, his tears fall silent, slow and unstoppable. “I won’t make it sad; I’m not gonna make it sad.”

  
A few years later, though he is beginning to understand the concept of Alphas, Betas, and Omegas, and knows the difference between consensual sex and rape when Dean reads about Angels, he thinks about his mom; and even then, he still doesn’t make it sad.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read the comments on the previous chapter and let me just say:  
> 1.) Most things mentioned in this story come from personal experience.  
> 2.) Not to "spoil" the story, but I can not see any emotional manipulative, rapist being redeemable, ever. Therefore, I don't care if you decide to move on. I will never, ever, try to make rape/sexual assault/sexual harassment, and/or child abuse easy things to forgive and move on from.

Dean is nine and he’s quietly lying in bed, while his father lies next to him--the residuals of his doing covering Dean’s still too young body. His father has decided that they will be staying in a separate room to Sammy’s. Same suit, two rooms, but in this moment Dean is not minding that fact, but the fact that his father’s trying to give them something new--something more than just old, dirty motel rooms and fast food.

“It’s a good idea, ain’t it sweetheart? Sammy can finally have a home--we can finally have a home,”John pauses, one arm supporting his head while the other is still caressing Dean’s hardened nipple. “It’ll be so much better than before,” he chuckles, laying on his back and staring up the ceiling.

“Jesus, I can already see it. Us together, Sammy in a room. I’ll probably get a house with more than two rooms, of course,” John sighs, his hand moving up and down his torso. “It will be fantastic. You will present, take care of the house properly, take care of your Alpha and your now pup-”

“Sammy’s my brother-” Dean tries to say, but John continues as if Dean had not spoken.

“I want more pups, but that’s something I’ll decide more in the future. I want us to focus on Sammy first. Mary’s death might have affected him too much and not having an Omega to care for him might have him acting a little different than most pups.”

John rolls over to his left side, his back facing Dean.

“It’s going to be perfect, sweetheart. Everything we’ve ever dreamed of and more. We won’t be able to properly mate, but you’ll still be mine, don’t worry about that.”

Dean can still feel the ache between his legs, can already feel the bruises forming on his hips, his sensitive nipples aching so much and his little face stained with dried tears.

He thinks about what could be better than the time he had with his mom. What can possibly be better than having his mom sing to him and tell him how Angels are watching over him?

He hears his dad’s snores but waits ten more minutes to make sure he’s completely asleep.

“Hey, Jude, don’t make it bad, take a sad song and make it better…” he hums quietly, getting up from the bed, picking his clothes up and walking to the restroom. It hurts so much to do it, but what’s this kind of a pain to Dean after four years?

He gets in the shower, the water dangerously hot, making his skin red, freckles more noticeable against pale, bruised skin.

He scrubs and scrubs against his dirty body, feels his bile rise and throws up in the shower, tears starting to fall again.

“Don’t make it sad, Dean. Don’t make it sad.”

 

*****X*****

 

“Dean! Did you see me, did you see me?” Sammy asks excitedly, his long hair moving everywhere as he jumps in the middle of the field. Thirteen-year-old Dean blushes when all of the attention from parents around him fall on him, but he doesn’t restrain from clapping and encouraging Sam.

“Go Sammy! You’re doing great, buddy!” Sammy’s smile widens, and returns to his soccer game, going to chase the ball again, even if it’s just to kick it out of the field like he had done previously.

A woman from his right chuckles and Dean turns to her, noticing her staring.

“Is that your brother?” She asks her eyes warm and amused.

Dean smiles and nods, tucking his hands into his leather jacket-- the one he had stolen from his dad now that it was freezing cold outside. His dad didn’t mind, he merely sees it as another way to keep his scent on Dean and keep other Alphas from approaching the now presented Omega. Turns out his dad had been right about his second gender designation and Dean had hated it. Spending a week in heat, with his father around and having to beg John to fill him had made Dean feel sick beyond words. Thank god his dad had had enough mind to drop Sam off to Bobby’s, while his heat lasted. Even though he had hated the idea at the time, he is grateful Sammy is still oblivious to what’s happening. Dean can’t imagine having to explain to Sam why their dad was in the room while Dean was in heat and why Dean had been begging for their dad’s cock.

Dean still shivers in disgust at the memory of it.

The blonde woman smiles, turning to look back at the game.

“You see the only girl there, Harvelle number fourteen? That’s Jo, my daughter. She’s always been a little ball of fire and fought tooth and nail to get in,” the woman chuckles, shaking her head and looking back at Dean. “How old is your brother?”

Dean looks back at Sam for a second before turning to stare at the woman.

“He’s nine, but already smarter than any teenager I know,” Dean chuckles, turning to look back at the game, catching sight of a handball from the opposite team and standing up when the referee refuses to count it.

He hears the woman laugh, making him blush again.

“I’m Ellen, by the way,” she says, sticking her hand out for Dean to shake.

“Dean, Dean Winchester. And as you can already guess, Winchester number three is Sam,” Dean nods toward Sammy’s direction who bends down trying to catch his breath, but still smiling. Dean smiles, eyes so soft and caring, so proud to see his brother so care-free and happy.

“So are you here by yourselves? Where are your parents?” Dean tenses up, tucking his hands back in his pocket and turning to look at the game. Ellen visibly scents the air, frowning when she catches Dean’s discomfort in his scent.

“Yeah, parents couldn’t actually make it,” he replies, his good mood slowly going away.

Ellen furrows her eyes and focuses back on the game, still curious but not asking any more questions. Dean visibly relaxes, trying to get back in the game and cheer Sammy on. The only thing that matters is having Sam happy and worry-free.

Time passes by, Ellen and Dean cheering louder than they had before, their abrupt end to their conversation forgotten and they focus mainly on their kids, cheering them embarrassingly loud, making Jo upset and Sammy smile and prideful for his contribution of passing the ball.

At the end of the game, Jo and Sammy’s team loses, but Sammy is as happy as the winning team.

“Can you believe that pass?! I passed the ball and we almost scored because of it, Dean!” Dean smiles, picking Sam’s sports bags and walking toward the exit.

“Yeah, Sammy, I did. Good job, buddy,” Ellen follows them, trying to comfort an annoyed Jo.

“I don’t get why you’re so happy, we still lost,” Jo says, her mother reprimanding her for her bad attitude.

“Jo, don’t be rude. Sammy’s really happy about this and you being in a bad mood shouldn’t ruin his day.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. I’m used to it with Dean,” Sammy says, continuing to walk so carelessly.

“Hey! Don’t be annoying, or there won’t be any celebratory ice-cream for you,” Dean says.

“It forty-three degrees, why would we want ice-cream, Dean?” Dean chuckles, continuing to walk with Ellen down the sidewalk and to the Roadhouse where Ellen had invited them to.

“Any time is a good time for ice-cream,” Sammy says, skipping inside the Roadhouse, his hair flopping around.

“I don’t like him,” Dean hears Jo say.

Dean just laughs and follows Sam inside, finally feeling some kind of calm in his life. His chest doesn’t feel like it’s being compressed and he doesn’t feel much of his self-deprecation. The gross truth that he will have to go back home tonight to his dad’s room at midnight makes his insides twist with disgust but tries to focus on right now--the only moment that matters so far.

“I’m not making it sad, Sammy. I’m not making it sad.”

 

*****X*****

 

Dean is seventeen in the nurse’s office and in heat. He feels his body getting hotter by the second, slick pouring out his opening, dick hard as rocks and his head feels like it’s about to explode.

He should have known it was going to hit soon that it was coming, but Dean had refused to tell his dad about it and rather ignored it that morning and come to school. It’s better to have the excuse later that he had been completely out of his mind while he begs for his dad to fill him rather than having to ask him while he’s still in his right mind.

“It’s okay, Dean. I already called your father an hour ago--he said he was on his way.”

Of course, he is. Dean’s dad never misses any of Dean’s heats.

“Sam, I need Sam to go home with Jo and Ellen Harvelle. I-” Dean groans in frustration, his skin flaming hot, his insides melting and his ass soaking wet, his hole clenching around nothing and feeling so empty.

“Please, Sam needs to be somewhere-”

Outside they hear a growl, and Dean recognizes it immediately, his body shaking--anticipation and disgust twirling together inside him.

“It’s okay, Dean. I already called Mrs. Harvelle, she’ll take care of Sam,” the nurse grabs his hand, squeezing it for comfort, but all Dean feels is arousal and disgust.

He hears the growl again, voices shouting and his dad’s voice closer and closer. Dean starts to cry, his body shaking, anticipating what is about to happen behind closed doors, but the little voice in his head telling him how disgusting he is for wanting it.

“-My son and I don’t care what you all gotta say about it!”

Dean feels arms wrapping around him, his father’s scent filling his senses, his bile rising while his entrance releases slick like nothing else.

He starts to cry, can hear his father whispering things into his ear, but he’s not really listening, all he wants is to get away and stop the ache he feels.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he doesn’t know why he’s apologizing, or to who, but the words won’t stop spilling.

He can feel his father’s arms carrying, he paces faster and faster, the nurse shouting behind them and all Dean can think about is getting filled.

“We’re getting you home, sweetheart. Don’t worry, I’m getting you home.”

Dean shivers, sobs, and cries, his body curling around his dad.

One second he’s in his dad’s arms and the next he’s in the car.

The vibration of the engine exciting him even more, his hole still clenching around nothing and all he can think of now is getting fucked.

“Alpha,” he whispers, turning to face the window. “Please, Alpha,” Dean can’t think anymore, the scent of what he recognizes as his family makes his bile rise, making him want to vomit, but John has trained him well and Dean is now able to ignore the need to reject his father.

“Fuck, you smell so good, sweetheart,” Dean whines, shakes his head and keeps sobbing, tears still falling. “Sh, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m gonna fuck you so good, Omega. I’m gonna make you feel so good-”

Dean tries to block the rest out and tries to focus on something else. Tries to imagine someone else like he usually does when his dad tries to fuck him.

He imagines someone else, some other Alpha fucking him and making him feel good.

Benny.

Benny, his friend, is a good Alpha, he’s a good guy.

Dean imagines those pale blue-grey eyes staring at him rather than brown, imagines that are Benny's hands touching him rather than his dad’s.

However, no matter how much he imagines Benny, Dean still somehow knows it’s not real and how wrong it is to imagine him. He know’s how wrong it is to imagine Benny fucking him because Benny’s practically like a brother to him.

There’s a gush of fresh air, hands picking him up again and the next thing he can remember is being lied down on the bed. Hands moving around trying to undress him, a scent similar to his own and Sammy’s filling his nose and all Dean wants is to be full where he feels empty.

“Fuck me, Alpha. Please, fuck me.” There’s nothing registering in his mind, he can only feel a cock rubbing against his entrance, the lust and somewhat disgust running through his veins and his vision black and blurry.

He hears lustful murmurs behind him, not knowing when he had presented himself to the Alpha, feels a cock sliding into him and all he can do is moan in relief and impale himself on it even more. He feels his blood flooding, his ears ringing, his skin sweaty and hot, his hole clenching around the cock and his own dick being pump by his own hand.

There’s nothing registering, except for the arousal and his scent mixed with something else, something so very familiar to his own, but he ignores it. He keeps thrusting back, feeling full and so good, his moans and groans the only thing making it out of his mouth, his hand moving faster against his own cock, his hole being filled by the cock inside him. He can’t focus on anything, on his dad or anything else, the only thing going through his head is a litany of _fuckmefuckmefuckmefuckme._

The thrusts gain speed, his dad groans and graze his teeth over the side of his neck, he shivers, and moans--reaches over his shoulder to pull his dad’s hair, shakes his head and wants nothing more than to be knotted.

“Fuck!” He doesn’t know who says it, but one, two, three, four, thrusts and he feels the knot filling him, feels cum deep inside him, his inside so tight and one more pump of his hand on his dick and he shoots his orgasm, throwing his head back, and keeps grinding his ass against the knot, his muscles milking it hard.

John growls again, a second orgasm being ripped out of him, bites onto Dean’s neck, which only makes Dean’s blood run cold.

He freezes, John still riding his orgasm while Dean’s head is finally clearing. He reaches up to his neck once John moves away and touches, his body filling with relief noticing the bite did not break the skin.

There’s a moment of silence in his head, in the room, and he's glad to not be thinking about what just happened, but it doesn’t last long.

John makes them lie on their sides, Dean’s back against his chest, his knot deep in Dean and all Dean can feel now is disgust.

“I’m taking you out of school. Staying home from now on to take care of Sam and me,” John caresses his side, down to his hip and leg, dragging it back to Dean’s lower abdomen, feeling his own knot still pumping cum into Dean.

Dean knows what John is thinking, what he wants, but he thanks Ellen for getting him the contraception pills without telling his dad and without asking questions.

“There’s only three months left of school. I can graduate soon and-”

“This is not up for discussion, boy. I already made my decision and you’re staying home to take care of your Alpha and pup like a good Omega.” Dean wants to keep arguing, yell at John that Sam is not his kid, but his brother and that he’s their dad and Dean can’t be his mate. But he doesn’t say anything, he knows what it leads him to when he argues, so he closes his eyes, tries to keep any anger from seeping into his scent and the tears from falling.

His heat just started, and he doesn’t need bruises smattering his skin because this time he won’t have a good explanation to give to Ellen when he sees her after this week.

Silence fills the room, John’s breathing hitting the back of his neck, Dean can tell he's scenting him, and he tries to restrain himself from shivering in disgust because that's nothing compared to having his own dad’s knot and cum up his ass.

He closes his eyes and cries in silence, John’s hand running over his maturing body, while Dean hums _Hey Jude_ in his head.

They both know Dean’s going to want to fuck again later, but in that second, he tries to forget and focus on something else, some other time where he was still innocent and happy and oblivious to everything bad.

_Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, honey. Angels are watching over you._

 

*****X*****

 

At twenty-two, Dean can’t believe what is happening, can’t believe he’s being left behind like some old ragdoll.

“Sammy, please don’t leave. Dad’s just angry, but he’ll get over it--he always does.”

“Dean, this isn’t some petty fight, dad doesn’t want me to go to college, Dean. He doesn’t want to let us go,” Sam keeps fitting clothes into a duffle bag, not really paying attention about how the clothes are being put away. Dean moves forward, tears blurring his vision, reaching for a shirt to fold and try to fit everything in the bag.

Sam’s Alpha scent is nothing but anger and frustration, there’s something close to sadness, but it’s not as strong.

“He needs help, Dean. For god’s sake, look at you. He has dragged you so down with him, stopped you from graduating high school when you were so close to graduation, stopped you from seeing Ellen regularly because of his sexist beliefs about Omegas staying at home to take care of the house,” Sam paces the floor, keeps looking for anything else he might need. “Jesus, Dean, he robbed you from a better future--a better life!” Dean shakes his head, his heart hurting because Sammy’s right and he can’t do anything about.

“I’m trying so hard, Sammy-”

“And that’s the problem, Dean! It’s not your responsibility. All my life you were the one to take care of me, to watch over me, to nurture me, to be there for me when I most needed it. Damn it, Dean, you’re more of a parent to me than dad will never be,” Sam says, halting his movements to stare at Dean.

Dean feels his heart hurting, his insides twisting painfully and he can’t believe that Sammy is really leaving.

“Please don’t leave, Sammy. Please.”

“I’m sorry, Dean, but I can’t stay here any longer. This house, this whole thing is just too much and too asphyxiating. I feel so restrained by just being here.”

Dean’s tears are falling now, his body shaking with his sobs.

“Where are you even going to stay? Please, Sam. Just stay until school is over and I swear I’ll help you pack for college-”

“I already called Ellen, Dean. I’m staying at hers and when school ends Jo and I will leave for Stanford,” Sam is crying quietly, intently watching Dean, noticing how sad and tired he looks.

Sam knows how their dad beats Dean, how harsh John is on him, and Sam can’t figure out why Dean hasn’t left everything behind.

Well, he knows, obviously. He knows Dean never left because of him and Sam feels so guilty now that he’s leaving to leave Dean here alone.

“Come with me, Dean,” he says, making Dean look up suddenly. “Come with me, Ellen will happily take you in, give you a place to stay and then you can come with me to California and we get both get a job-”

“Sam get the hell out. I don’t want you here any second longer,” John says, suddenly  standing behind Dean, his Alpha rage scaring Dean even more who freezes once he catches a whiff of it.

“Dean, come with me,” Sam says, his Alpha posturing taking over, glaring at John with so much hatred.

“Sam-”

“Shut it, Omega,” Dean tries to make himself smaller, tries to not make John angry with him.

“Don’t talk to him like that. He’s old enough to make his own decisions. Let him decide,” Sam says.

John steps forward, but Dean gets in the way, his hand touching John’s chest trying to keep him from taking another step.

“Alpha, please,” he whispers, so quietly trying to keep Sam from hearing it. But it’s impossible for Sam not to. Dean glances at him, his tears falling, noticing Sammy frowning in confusion.

“Sammy go,” he whispers, Sam’s gaze still on John quickly moves to Dean. Dean feels John visibly relax a little, his anger being appeased by him. And if playing along to John’s sick fantasy can get Sammy out of this house and away to a better life, so be it.

“But Dean-”

“Just go, Sam.”

Sam pauses, stares at him in disbelief, his head shaking. Dean feels his heart breaking, his insides painfully twisting and he can’t believe this is happening.

Sam doesn’t wait much longer just zips his bag, pulls it over his shoulder before walking forward, stopping in front of Dean.

“I’m so sorry, Dean," Sam whispers.

He doesn’t say anything, tries to avoid the disappointed look he knows his brother is carraying until Sammy steps around them and leaves. His hand is still on John’s chest, he can feel the beat of his heart and wishes desperately he could rip his heart out somehow.

Downstairs Sam takes his last step, walks to the front door and leaves, slamming the door shut.

Dean is now alone, helpless, hopeless and undeserving.

John relaxes completely, his arm wrapping around Dean’s waist bringing him in and using his other hand to grab Dean’s face and make it him look at him.

He tries to wipe Dean’s tears away and smiles softly.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Kids have to grow up at some point,” he says, smiles and leans down to kiss Dean on the mouth. Dean clenches his eyes shut, the hand against John’s chest forming into a fist and he can, once again, feel the disgust rise in him, but John acts like he can’t tell it apart once he pulls away to scent Dean’s neck.

“This is why we need a bigger family.”

Dean opens his eyes suddenly, this time not being able to stop himself, pulls away from John and runs to the restroom, locking himself in there before falling to his knees and throwing up. He sobs, cries, and vomits. All the hate, disgust, and anger too much to handle and all he can think about is:

_I made it sad, mom. I made it too sad._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicidal thoughts

It’s been seven months since Sammy left and Dean’s still trying to get used to not having him around. He misses having to look after Sam, going to his room to wake him up even though he knew Sam would be already up and ready; he misses calling him down for breakfast and serving his plate and talking to him. He misses the way Sammy would tell him about events at school and make Dean go just because he wanted Dean there. Dean misses the way Sam would get excited telling him about getting an A on one of his test and Dean smiling knowing that of course, Sammy got an A--he always does.

There is just so much to do for his father now and nothing for Sam. He doesn’t know how to avoid his father now, too. It feels like it’s taking so much from Dean to not break down and do something stupid. His dad doesn’t let him sleep in his own room anymore and Dean, despite the fact that he knows he should feel some kind of anger and disgust, doesn’t even complain. It’s like something in him just doesn’t care anymore, doesn’t feel much at all. Everything he ever felt Sammy took it with him and Dean doesn’t know how to feel about that.

At some point, he thinks that maybe somewhere along these long past years he started to see Sam as truly his pup and not just his kid brother and isn’t that just fucked up? He feels absolutely useless now, nothing but being a good Omega and pleasing his Alpha all day, every day.

It’s kind of funny to think about it, sounding much like some popular catchphrase to get you to do anything. “Be a good Omega for your Alpha! All day, every day!”

He chuckles every time he thinks about it. It sounds like those “all day, everyday breakfast,” commercials he sometimes catches when John is watching t.v. and Dean has to kneel in front of him to suck his dick.

Pretty funny, honestly. He can even hear John saying “I’m loving it,” just because it makes it even funnier to imagine it.

Well, it is certainly funny now when he is trying to not think about how he is really kneeling in front his dad and sucking on his knot now.

John caresses his hair with his right hand, holding a beer bottle with his left one and his eyes focusing on the football game being aired at the moment.

Dean’s eyes are on John, but he’s not really looking--it’s like something in him refuses to be mentally present in situations like this. All he does is do whatever the Alpha asks of him, keep quiet and satisfy. So easy and yet so hard. There’s something in him telling him that this is not really funny, that this is serious and is fucking him up so thoroughly, but it’s like he just doesn’t care anymore.

“Oh, fucking hell! Now, what?” He suddenly hears John say, his hand no longer running through Dean’s hair, but rather resting on the arm of the couch. “These lawyers with their Omega rights and self-righteousness--modern Alphas just don’t know how to control a bitch!” John huffs, Dean noticing him rolling his eyes. Dean focuses back om what it happening on t.v. still sucking on John’s knot, his jaw hurting and his knees burning.

He tries to focus, tries to listen and prays that John doesn’t change the channel, because somehow, maybe one day Dean would finally be good enough to be free himself with these Omega rights happening. Maybe one day he’ll be deserving enough to be saved, maybe one day he’ll finally be able to have the Angels watch over him again and save him from his nightmare. Maybe one day he’ll be good enough for Sammy. Maybe one day, or at least he likes to think so.

“Mr. Milton, Mr. Milton! How do you feel about another win?”

“Mr. Milton, is it true you would be taking part of the Omegas’ Rights case?”

“Mr. Milton, how is your family taking the news about your engagement to Margaret Masters?”

“Mr. Milton-”

“No comments, please let my client through,” there is some more huffing from John, his scent carrying a tone of annoyance and Dean is tensing the longer it takes over the Alpha’s scent and he tries to think of anything to keep it from putting John in a bad mood.

He tries to massage the knot in his mouth to distract the Alpha, but that only works for a while and the news about the third wave feminism is still being discussed on t.v. Dean moves away, still trying to use his hands to not further upset the Alpha.

“Do you want me to present, Alpha?” Dean hates to ask, hates to know that this is how his life is going to be from now on, but there’s truly nothing he can do about it.

John takes his eyes off the t.v. his frown still in place, but his gaze softens once it settles on Dean.

“No, sweetheart, it’s okay. As a matter of fact,” John leans forward, kisses Dean’s forehead while reaching for his wallet to take some cash out to hand it to Dean. “I need you to run to the grocery store and get food, we barely have anything left in the pantry,” John leans back on the couch, his scent not carrying the annoyed touch it had a few seconds ago.

Dean nods and tries to finish John off because he knows that’s his job, but John gently pushes his hand away and shakes his head.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, just go. You have errands to run and I don’t want to have a late dinner tonight. I have plans for us,” John smiles, his eyes taking in Dean’s nude body and all Dean can do is nod his head again and stand up, his gaze on the floor and head bowed, because that’s what good Omegas are supposed to do.

“Thank you, Alpha,” Dean whispers, his legs trembling due to the long hours of kneeling down in front of John sucking his cock. His jaw hurts, his neck does too and his knees are getting rug burned.

John just hums and turns back to the news, reporters talking about a case of a young teenage Omega being rescued and winning her case. He hears the Alpha murmur about modern society being too lenient with Omegas, but all Dean can think of is Sam and how one day he’ll probably see his pup on the news saving people.

Dean sighs long, his head still bowed while he walks up the stairs and all he can think about is that he can’t wait to see his pup, his little Sammy up there all grown up and happy with his dreams fulfilled.

_You deserve all the Angels to watch over you, buddy._

 

*****X*****

 

“Well, well, well, look who finally decides to bless me with his presence,” is the first thing Dean hears once he enters The Roadhouse. Ellen is standing behind the bar, a rag in one hand while she moves liquor bottles back on the shelves behind her.

“Hey, Ellen. It’s so good to see you, too,” Dean smiles, going around the bar to hug Ellen, scenting her and squeezing her so hard.

“Oh, shut it, boy. You’re the one who only wants to come here every three to four months to visit,” Ellen huffs, scrunching her nose at the scent of Alpha all over him, but not saying anything, pushes him away and Dean just smiles again.

“You know I love you, Ellen, but I’m so busy-”

“Yeah, yeah, excuses, excuses. You’re lucky I like you, Dean Winchester,” Ellen moves back to look at the liquor shelves, throwing the rag on top of the counter and moving away to the other side of the bar to keep cleaning. She reaches for something before tossing it at Dean.

“I got you enough to last you six months, but that don’t mean you can skip the visits, you hear me, boy?”

“Of course, not! You know if it were up to me I’d be here annoying you all day, every day,” Dean says and chuckles, remembering his inside joke from earlier that day.

He looks around the bar, noticing a few Betas and Alphas and Omegas already starting their drinking party early. He scents the air--something so different from his house--and he can still catch a whiff of home somehow, maybe because, after so many years, Ellen has come to mean that to him.

Dean turns to look at her, notice how much older she looks from the last time he saw her four months ago and feels his heart ache because every time he looks at her all he can be reminded of is Sammy and Jo--his little pup and annoying younger adopted kid. There’s so much he wants to ask about them, to know about them, but he hasn’t talked to them in ages and he feels guilty because of it.

“Have you heard anything from them?” He asks, his insides twisting with dread, but not knowing why.

Ellen stops her movements and turns her head to look at him. Her eyes are soft and understanding, but Dean doesn’t want any of that--he just wants to know about his kid.

“They’re doing fine, Dean. _He’s_ doing fine. He was having trouble getting use to moving to a whole new state and whatnot, but your boy’s okay,” Ellen says, trying to calm his worries down.

Dean nods, crossing his arms over his chest, still holding his contraception pills in one hand. He notices Ellen watching him, but he tries to avoid her gaze because he knows what her look is holding--what’s to come from her mouth, too and all he wants is to avoid it and refrain from feeling the guilt it brings him every time she asks.

“Dean, honey, you know you’re welcome here whenever, right?” The tone of her voice makes his heart ache even more and he doesn’t know how to deal with everything that he feels. At home, he doesn't feel anything at all, all he has to do is bend over like a good Omega and let John fuck him, but anywhere else he thinks he gets too overwhelmed with everything surrounding him, especially when he comes to visit Ellen.

He sighs, shaking his head and looks back up at Ellen, smiling sadly but so appreciative of her.

“Of course, I know that, Ellen. Of course, I know,” he says, but the longer he stays there, the deeper the aching feeling he feels gets.

He walks back to the Impala after a few more minutes of conversation, hating the car so much because it reminds him of John, reminds him of the many nights he had to spend there, reminds him of the many nights Sam didn’t have a home, reminds him of everything bad. He hates the car so much and he doesn’t know why. He thinks that in some other world, where Angels really existed and looked after him, he would have loved the car, but in his world, there’s only one person he hates more than this car and he wishes that person and this car would completely disappear out of his life.

However, regardless of his feelings toward said a car, gets in, hides the pills in his back pocket and prays once again to the Angels that John is not horny enough to take him as soon as he enters the house.

He glances one last time at The Roadhouse, sees the ‘Open’ sign glowing brighter as the night progresses and all Dean wants to do is drive away in this damn car and crash it somewhere where no one can find it.

He turns the engine on, the scent of John so deeply impregnated inside the car and thinks about what he’s going to make for dinner, all the while dreading the night with the Alpha.

 

*****X*****

 

 _“How is he, Ellen?”_ Sam’s voice is soft, worried as if he fears what her answer is going to be.

Ellen sighs, holding the bar’s phone with her right hand while holding the rag she had been using previously to clean the bar with her other hand resting on her hip. She looks around, noticing the bar getting busier and Ash serving drinks.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Sam. He looks worse every time I see him,” she pauses, turning her back to the people at the bar and looks down. “That boy looks more worn down than I do and he still needs the pills.”

Sam sighs, sad and full of guilt and Ellen wants nothing but to be able to sooth him, but she doesn’t know how.

“I don’t even understand why he needs them, Ellen. I mean, he barely goes out! Dad would rarely let him out of the house when I was there, I just don’t understand why he just doesn't leave.”

Ellen understands Sam’s frustration, everything doesn’t make sense and she really wants these boys to be happy, to see them do better because they deserve it. Dean deserves it.

“I don’t know what to do, Ellen. All his life he looked after me and now that I can finally do something for him I can’t,” Ellen feels bad for him, feels and understands what Sam is feeling. Dean looks like he's spiraling down a terrible path and they don’t know what to do to help him.

“Do you think he’s actually…” Ellen hears Jo whisper, only now realizing she’s listening.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Jo. Dean would never do something like that,” she reprimands, her frustration and tone of voice being a warning for Jo to shut her mouth.

“No, but mom, listen. It makes sense! The way he smells like Alpha, the contraception pills, that one time he begged you for a pregnancy test, the money--prostitution is not something we should rule out,” Jo says.

Ellen frowns, her heart feeling heavy. There’s a pause, the line quiet until she hears Jo whispering to Sam.

“Hey, Sam, it’s okay. Don’t worry, everything is fine with Dean-”

“How can you possibly think that after what you just said?” Sam says, his voice shaky, his sniffles and little sobs making it somewhat hard for Ellen to understand what he is saying.

Ellen sighs and turns to Ash to see him still working the bar, Benny now helping him while Andrea serves food to customers. They are all glancing at her from the corner of their eyes and they know who she is talking about and to whom she is talking to.

She shakes her head at them, turns back to the conversation and tries to soothe Sam as much as she can.

“Sam, listen, I know this is hard for you, but try not to let it bring you down. Dean would hate himself if he knew you were slacking off because of him,” she tries.

“I’m not slacking off! I would never do that to him-”

“Okay, then let me deal with this myself, alright? I’m sure there’s nothing going on. Maybe his job is wearing him down and he doesn’t want to move in with me because he doesn’t want to feel like he's taking advantage of me,” Ellen pauses, closing her eyes because she doesn’t believe this herself, but she needs to say something to ease Sam’s worries. “You know how you’re brother is. He’s very stubborn when it comes to accepting anyone’s help.”

Sam sniffles and chuckles, and Ellen feels terrible trying to use Dean against Sam, but anything to make him feel better.

“I just miss him, you know? I miss having him around and be all motherly and stuff,” Sam whispers, his tone of voice so sad and heavy while Jo whispers something to him Ellen can’t quite make out, but Sam replies with a ‘yeah,’ before returning to Ellen and their conversation.

“Can you do me a favor, Ellen, please?” Ellen smiles, already knowing what the favor is but refrains from saying anything other than, ‘Of course, honey.’

She turns back to look at the bar, more people mingling with each other, Ash taking a sip of a beer can, Andrea at the register getting change and Benny resting his weight against the bar, arms crossed over his chest, and shamelessly staring at Ellen.

“Can you tell him I love him and that I miss him? Ask him if I can see him during the holidays?” Ellen frowns, stares back at Benny and shakes her head, Benny closing his eyes for a brief moment before turning back to his tasks of serving drinks.

“I will, honey, I will.”

And that’s if she gets to see him soon enough to ask him.

 

*****X*****

 

Dean lies awake next to John, the Alpha’s snores are breaking the silence in the room. There’s something in him feeling emptier than earlier that day and despite all his tries at ignoring it, he can’t seem to bring himself to actually do it.

The ache between his legs is too present at the moment for him to ignore this time, his jaw still sore and his knees are still aching, too. Thoughts of Ellen and Sam and Jo and Benny and everyone else he considers family are racing through his head. The overwhelming sensations of being isolated and alone and sometimes not isolated enough from John makes his head spin.

He’s tired; he’s worthless--he’s done with everything and he can’t take it anymore. There’s something whispering in his head, a little voice and something else, something dark and sweet and reassuring.

He thinks of the Angels, tries to remember what he had read about them before John had prohibited books being read in the house. It wasn’t like John believed he shouldn’t read, but the Omega chores always came first before the education and somehow, some twisted part of him knows John means wells.

He thinks of Angels and Archangels and his mom. He thinks about her so little nowadays, thinks of the Angels less and less every day and somehow Dean knows that’s something to do with Sammy leaving.

Dean wishes he can go back in time and have Sam back with him, back home while he takes care of him, sings to him, tells him about their mom and how beautiful she was.

He wants to hear Sammy laugh and point out how similar Dean and their mom look and how much he appreciates Dean being there for him. He wants to have a purpose, wants to still be useful, wants to still mean something and there’s just so much uncertainty inside him he doesn’t know how to cope.

John shifts a little, his back facing Dean now but Dean doesn’t react.

He stares at the ceiling, his nipples as sensible as usual, his hole clenching and hurting and his heart feels heavier and heavier. His vision blurs, tears falling down his temple and fear clutches his chest.

Nothing is going to save him, nothing is going to keep him safe.

Dean thinks about how God is not here, but Angels are.

He also thinks God is here, but the Angels are not and the fear presses harder inside him.

He closes his eyes, tears still rolling, the residual scent of John’s arousal and cum filling his nostrils as he breathes in.

He sees his mom, sees her smiling, eyes bright and as green as his own. The freckles on her face not as prominent as they are on him, her cheeks high and rosy and lips pink and full and face and scent so similar to his own.

For a second he can see the appeal he has on John, but he also sees the hatred on his mother’s face.

She opens her mouth and Dean can hear what she says but can’t hear the sound of her voice and something inside him breaks.

_Angels are always watching over you._

He sobs, his insides twisting, there’s an arm wrapping around his middle, John’s scent surrounding him and he clenches his eyes harder.

_Just take me with you._

His mom smiles and shakes her head and somehow Dean is gone completely.

That night he dreams of azure eyes and dark hair, and a deep, low voice--like honey over gravel--and somehow he can hear the voice whisper to him and his relief is everything:

_I’ll watch over you._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I've read all the comments now that I'm back and I just want to thank y'all for supporting this story, I greatly appreciate it. Y'all have no idea how happy it made me seeing y'all so invested and letting me know your thoughts about the story, really. Also, I would like to apologize for the super long wait. I have been very busy with some ugly personal matters, school, and work y'all don't even know. Who would've thought life was going to be this difficult, huh? Sigh. I also wanted to apologize to Slystir, who was supposed to be my beta, and who also fixed some of the many errors I've made in this story, for me being such a horrible person and never contacting them and letting them know about this very long delay, I hope they don't hate me.
> 
> Really y'all I'm really sorry, life has just been beating my ass in a non-kinky-non-sexy way and I am just tired of it. 
> 
> Anyway, enough about me. I really hope y'all enjoy this chapter and that y'all have an amazing day or night.

Two months since the dream pass by, but Dean thinks about it every day. He goes through the motions, plays every detail of it so vividly in his mind he thinks he lived it rather than dreamt it. He finds comfort knowing he still holds part of his mom, can still remember the similarities between them and smiles because of it. Mary will always be part of him--she has to be--because since Sammy left she’s the only thing that keeps him from giving up.

John has been a little more easy to deal with, too. Sex happens twice a week now, sometimes if he’s lucky, John leaves for weeks, probably to get drunk or do whatever it is he does when he’s not home and leaves Dean alone. He is forever grateful for that. 

Things are bearable now but there’s still an emptiness in everything. He misses Sam a lot, thinks about him way too often, and wonders if his pup is doing as well as he hopes. Dean feels lonely and useless without Sammy, but he knows leaving was the best thing for his pup. Sammy’s too smart to stay in this small empty house where he probably would’ve figured out about Dean and his dad already. Sammy is destined for greater things, bigger things, anyway and Dean could never stand in the way of that. The pup had suffered enough growing up, and all Dean wanted was to be a good Omega and let his little kid spread his wings.

He thinks of this while he stands in the kitchen, stirring the chicken soup he’s making for John. Dean hasn’t seen him at all the past week, but John had come back that morning, reeking of alcohol and sex, something that for some reason made Dean feel relief knowing he barely had to take of John when it came to that aspect of their lives. However, not knowing who John is screwing made Dean worried about catching any diseases during their fuckings, which had only led him to make an appointment to see a doctor to make sure everything’s okay or to take any precautions to keep himself healthy.

The appointment isn’t until tomorrow, though, so Dean doesn’t think of it much, and rather thinks about seeing Ellen tomorrow after the appointment. He really misses her and he feels guilty about barely seeing after his last visit.

His thoughts halt as John enters the kitchen, the beard he had that morning is gone, hair still wet from his shower, and clean clothes taking away the horrid smell he had that morning. Dean looks up for a split second, smiling and greeting John. The Alpha smiles and walks toward Dean, wrapping his arms around his waist, his nose nuzzling behind his ear scenting and sighing against his neck.

“Hey, sweetheart. Did you miss me?” He says, kissing Dean’s neck softly. Dean doesn’t answer, keeps stirring the soup, while he grabs some seasoning to add to the soup. John doesn’t say anything about it, and releases Dean and walks to the dining table, still keeping his eyes on Dean while he takes a seat and grabs the newspaper Dean had placed there that morning. He had waited for John during breakfast, but he hadn't shown up at all. And in all honesty, Dean had been glad over that.

Dean doesn't think about that now though as he moves swiftly through the kitchen, movements so natural to him as he keeps slicing vegetables, and adding more seasoning until he deems the soup is perfect and ready. He can hear the newspaper pages every time John turns the page, and he proceeds to serve the rice and the soup for John and himself before taking a seat at the table next to John.

John sets the newspaper aside, sighing and smiling up at Dean with contentment and affection.

“This smells, delicious, sweetheart.” The comment makes Dean feel good, and he returns the small smile in thanks while taking the first spoonful of his soup.

John tries to make conversation while they eat, talking about fixing cars at Bobby’s garage, about customers being careless when it came to their cars and not appreciating a good car when they should. He lets Dean know about Bobby, and how he has asked about how Dean is doing. Dean sighs, closing his eyes for a second thinking about Bobby and how long it has been since he has seen the old man before eating again.

Lunch passes fairly quickly, thank the universe, and in no time he’s standing up to take the dirty dishes to the kitchen sink. He pauses for a second, however, hearing John get up and walking to the living room. Dean really wants to ask John to let him borrow the car for his appointment tomorrow, but he hesitates about telling John the real reason.

“Uh, Alpha?” Dean walks into the living room slowly, standing by the couch where John has seated himself to watch some t.v. John turns to him, smile still in place while he flips through the channels looking for a football game most likely, seeing as it’s Sunday.

“What, sweetheart?” His voice is soft and indulging, trying to push Dean to speak, but Dean chickens out at the last minute about letting him know about the doctor’s appointment and rather tells his dad that he needs the car and some money to run to the grocery store tomorrow.

John frowns, turning his attention to the television in front of him.

“Why don’t you go right now?” The confusion doesn't go unnoticed by Dean who shifts a little from foot to foot, his hand going behind his back and bowing his head. He tries to think of anything, tries to come up with any possible excuse when he finally looks up, knowing what would appease John.

“I just thought I could spend some time with you today since you have been busy the past week and haven't been home and all.” Dean looks down at his feet, trying to keep his nervousness from his scent. John chuckles quietly, making Dean look up and see the soft and affectionate look he’s sending his way.

Dean relaxes, smiles a little, trying to play his part as John looks so enamored with him. John scoots over and pats the couch next to him indicating he wants Dean to join him. Dean makes his way over to the couch, sitting down and resting his head against John's shoulder still trying to play the good Omega part.

“Of course, sweetheart. I’ll ask one of the boys at the garage for a ride and you can take the car for the day,” he says, wrapping his arms around Dean pulling him close to his side.

Dean is uncomfortable, but tries to make himself relax, tries to keep his scent neutral and focuses on the t.v., but not really caring about the game, he’s just happy to know he was able to get away with his lie today.

 

**xxXxx**

 

Samuel Winchester can’t believe his eyes. He tries to keep calm, but the excitement he’s experiencing seeps through his scent, adrenaline pumping through his veins, heart thudding loud and fast against his chest making him bounce on his feet as he waits in line to meet one of the most influential and known lawyers in the country. Castiel Emmanuel Milton is a legend in Sam’s eyes. His dedication and passion for what he believes in have kept him in Sam’s top list of iconic figures and he can’t for the life of God believe he is about to meet the man.

Sam had gotten the flyer from one his professors about this event where lawyers and other professors who have dedicated their lives to this career would come on stage and speak about their experiences, obstacles they often faced and other requirements to become a successful lawyer. But nowhere in the flyer had it mentioned that Castiel _Emmanuel Milton,_ one of the most successful lawyers, one of the owners of one the most known law firms,  _Milton & Garrison Law Firm _(a firm Sam is hoping to get an internship with), Omega Rights’ ally, and just overall ally of all those who could not benefit from this country’s system, was going to be a guest speaker at said event. Mr. Milton is truly everything Sam is aspiring to be, and having the opportunity to meet him is overwhelming him.

This meeting is the one the things Sam has been waiting for his whole life and he can’t believe the fact that it is happening right now. Sam's eyes are completely focused on Mr. Milton talking to other students while he waits for his turn to meet him. He’s tapping his right foot against the floor, looking at his watch, hoping that Mr. Milton’s busy schedule doesn’t take him away before Sam can get to meet him. He’s so entranced on his thoughts trying to make everyone before him go faster so he can get his turn when his phone rings. Sam is startled, looking down, before patting his jacket, and jeans finding his phone and answering without looking who it is.

“Sam! Where the hell are you? You know you have to finish packing your shit before tomorrow,” he hears Jo say on the other side. Sam sighs, looking back up and willing people to hurry up.

“Jo, I know but I’m at this law thing and you’re not going to believe who’s here!” Sam smiles wide as more students move forward, trying to get to Mr. Milton.

“Sam! Do you not understand that we have to be ready in time for our flight-”

“It’s Castiel Emmanuel Milton, Jo!” Sam exclaims excitedly, the students in front of him turning back to smile and nod their heads, too, sharing his excitement.

“Shut up! No way,” Jo says, finally sharing his excitement. Jo isn’t really a law student, but she has heard, and seen enough of what Castiel does too to now understand Sam’s tardiness. “Sam what the hell! How come you didn’t tell me,” she huffs annoyed. Sam can hear movement around on her side, probably her trying to get ready to find him.

“I didn’t know! I was just as surprised as you are to know he was even in California. Last time I heard, he was in New York two days ago.” Sam moves forward again, only four students ahead of him now. “Jo, if you want to meet him you better get here before he leaves.”

“I know, you fucking moose. I have your location I’ll be there in ten.” She says. Sam hears a door slam shut on her side and smiles at Jo's eagerness.

“Make it five, brat.”

“Bitch!” He hears her say before she hangs up.

Three minutes later and Sam is finally in front of Mr. Milton, his heart beating faster than it had previously. Sam extends his hand eagerly for Mr. Milton to shake.

“Mr. Milton, I’m Sam Winchester and can I just say wow, it’s such a great honor to meet you, sir. I can’t tell you how much I admire you and the work that you do. Really, it’s just wow,” Sam says, still holding onto Mr. Milton’s hand.

Castiel smirks and glances down at their hands amused.

Sam finally let go, apologizing and looking down, a pink tint on his face.

“It’s quite alright, Mr. Winchester. Thank you for your kind words, I highly appreciate your admiration,” he says, and Sam can’t think of anything else to say because holy _fuck,_ he’s talking to Castiel Emmanuel Milton.

If Dean were here he would probably be teasing Sam to no end for fangirling -  _it’s not fangirling_ \- over Mr. Milton.

“I, wow, Mr. Milton - I just want to let you know that you have inspired me so much to save people, to be strong enough to help my brother and just - I really am glad to meet you. I will take everything you’ve said today to heart and follow your footsteps, Sir. And I am looking forward to having the opportunity to be an intern at your firm. It’s basically been a dream of mine since my sophomore year of high school-” Sam halts his speech because he’s rambling and he’s basically wasting Mr. Milton’s time. But Mr. Milton doesn’t look upset in the slightest and Sam feels great because Mr. Milton is really a great person and he can’t believe he’s fucking talking to  _Castiel Emmanuel Milton_. Castiel tilts his head a small smile playing on his lips before he opens his mouth to say something but gets distracted when Jo approaches them, resting her hands on her knees and panting trying to gain her breath again.

Sam hears the students behind him groan and complain, but Jo being Jo ignores them and faces Mr. Milton.

“Sir, oh my god, you have no idea what a great honor it is to meet you.” Jo extends her hand too, her eyes bright and shining with admiration while she’s still panting for air. Mr. Milton raises an eyebrow looking and Sam before turning back to Jo and taking her hand.

“Thank you, it’s a pleasure to meet you as well, Miss…”

“Jo. Harvelle! Jo Harvelle, Sam’s friend, and adopted sister,” she sighs, motioning to Sam with her free hand while still holding Mr. Milton’s hand with the other. Sam can tell the big crush Jo has on Mr. Milton and he can also see Mr. Milton can tell, too.

Mr. Milton chuckles and tries to pry his hand from Jo’s gently trying not to offend her.

“Of course, Miss Harvelle. A pleasure to meet you as well.”

Sam sighs still starting but doesn’t pay much attention as Jo falls into easy conversation with Mr. Milton. Even though Sam may be slightly jealous of her easy way of talking to him, Sam doesn't really mind her stealing his time with Mr. Milton. He just thinks about every single bit of information Mr. Milton has shared during his lecture time and how some of it can relate to his brother.

Sam can’t really think of Dean as a victim of kidnapping or severe abuse or any of that, but some things Castiel had mentioned to keep in mind about a victim’s behavior sticks to Sam and he doesn’t know what to think or draw from it. Maybe it's all coincidence and Dean is just naturally the way he is, but there's still a nagging voice telling him that there might be a possibility that Dean-

He looks at Jo, animatedly talking to Castiel so easily and carefree. He knows the students behind them might be annoyed about them taking too long with Mr. Milton, but he just doesn't really focus on that. The only thing on his mind is asking Mr. Milton about his brother's situation and if it's likely that Dean might be spiraling down a dangerous path. So with all this in mind, he finally turns to Mr. Milton, his mind determined, because Dean means a lot to him and even though Sam knows that lawyers might not really be necessary for his brother’s situation, he still wants to help Dean get out of their toxic, depressive father’s home.

Head high, and confidence oozing out of him, he stands in all his height making Mr. Milton look back at him all traces of amusement from his conversation with Jo gone.

“Mr. Winchester,” he says, all business and serious.

“I would really like to ask you some questions about the psychological and behavioral aspects of your career…”

 

**xxXxx**

 

The Roadhouse is empty apart from the two Alphas at the bar and a family of five grabbing a late lunch, but Dean doesn't pay it much attention as he frantically looks for Ellen, ignoring everything in the establishment. He feels his heart beating loudly against his ears, his scent sour with sorrow and desperation, while he tries to keep from freaking out completely, but the longer he can’t find Ellen the more his panic rises. He turns, makes his way to the bar and sees Ash walking from the back and feels relief at seeing a familiar face. Dean doesn’t want to see him though, but he might be the only one who can point Dean to Ellen.

“Ash! I need to talk to Ellen, where is she?”

The unshed tears blur his vision, his heart thudding even louder, his panic taking over him. Ash startles, his smile fading as soon as he sees the state Dean’s in.

“Wow, bro, calm down. Ellen’s upstairs getting some-”

Dean doesn’t hear the rest as he hurries past the bar and up the stairs in search of Ellen. He opens door after door trying to find Ellen, scenting the air just trying to find her. He sobs, his heart still beating wildly as fear clutches his insides. He doesn’t know what to do, what to think - doesn’t know what he’s going to do once he tells-

Ellen finally appears, walking out of Jo’s room holding bed sheets while trying to close the door. Dean sobs and walks faster toward her, pulling her tight and hiding his face against the crook of her neck sobbing. Ellen yelps in surprise letting the bed sheets she had been holding fall to the floor before realizing it’s Dean and wrapping his arms around him.

“Jesus, boy! You almost gave me a heart-attack.” But Dean doesn’t have the mind to feel guilty about it. The only emotions he can focus on is his fear and desperation and uncertainty.

He sobs harder, his arms tightening around Ellen.

“Oh, God, Ellen. Ellen, I-I…” He sobs again, trying to get a hold of himself.

“Dean, honey, what’s going on?” Her voice is shaking and she slowly runs her hand up and down Dean’s back trying to soothe him.

Dean sobs, stuttering a little and sniffling trying again, “Ellen, I-I’m oh my god.” He can't believe this is really happening, can’t believe his miserable life, Jesus he can’t believe life can be so cruel. He can’t believe that  _God_  can be so cruel. “Ellen I- what am I gonna do, Ellen? What am I gonna do?” He feels his temple pulsing, his panic taking over.

“Dean, you’re scaring me. What the hell is going on?”

“I’m pregnant, Ellen! I’m pregnant.” Ellen gasps, cursing before letting her arms fall to the side, her confusion evident in her scent.

"What the hell, Dean?! What about-" Dean pulls away, his tears still falling.

"No, Ellen listen I- that's not the worst part." He feels his bile rising up his throat but he has to tell her, he has to even if she hates him afterward and is disgusted with him. 

He has to, he has to, he has to, dammit!

Jesus, how can he do this to his mom?

_I'm sorry, mom. I'm sorry I made it worse than sad._

He sobs harder at the thought and he knows that it doesn't matter if Ellen hates him after confessing because he deserves it, he deserves the hate and disappointment and disgust he's sure he's going to receive from one of the few people he cares about. "It's dad's, Ellen. The father of this baby is Dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like making notes because I know y'all most likely don't read them, but just know that I am reading your comments and that I'm sorry I suck and don't reply to all of them. Just know I keep everything and any feedback from y'all deep in my heart.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, thank you sooooo much for all your comments and kudos (also 101 bookmarks??? Whaaaaa). I had a shitty day because I'm probably not going to be able to go back to school this semester, but logging in and seeing y'all saying all these sweet things made me feel a little bit better. So thank y'all. You guys were my piece of sunshine tonight and I mean that despite how corny it sounds.
> 
> Really, thank you so much for the support.
> 
> Anyway, here's a new chapter. I'm not really satisfied with it, but while I was rereading it, I literally could not bring myself to change it because then I felt like I was going to change everything else that I have planned and that just doesn't sound like fun. Ugh, ok this is getting to be a longer author's note than I had anticipated.
> 
> It's 12:03 a.m. right now so Ima tell y'all to have a good night lol. or at least a better day than me.
> 
> Ps.  
> I should've probably tagged it but this is going to most likely be a slow burn between my mans Dean and Cas so please don't get too impatient with me. My mans Castiel is coming soon, I swear.

Ellen has never experienced emotions like the ones she’s experiencing right now. Emotions she probably didn’t even feel when she found out that her late husband Bill Harvelle had passed. She thinks that maybe someone is really not even supposed to feel all these emotions all at once - that a person may not even be able to comprehend and process such emotions all in one setting. But here she is, seeing someone she deeply cares about breaking down in front of her like their life is completely over. Hell, she, herself, feels like the world has stopped and can’t really grasp the little control she thought she had over Dean’s situation back.

There’s unbelievable sadness in their scents. There’s confusion, and grief, and disbelief because she can’t believe this is really happening right now. She can’t believe that such thing has happened right under her nose; that she let herself believe for a second that Dean was okay during all those years she has known him. She really doesn’t want to make this about her, because she’s the last person she should be focusing on, but she just can’t take a second to wrap her mind around something so awful, and heartbreaking. All she wants to do is take Dean in her arms and make him forget. Take his mind off of what is happening; take him away from such cruel reality.

Dean is pregnant.

She sees Dean sitting at the edge of Jo’s bed, his face hidden in his hands while he sobs, his whole body moving with the force of each sob.

Dean, the little boy she has known since he was only thirteen, is pregnant.

He tries to wipe the tears away looking up at Ellen with eyes so incredibly sad and desperate, but she can’t do anything but stand there staring at him. Dean sobs again, shakes his head and calls out her name with such emotion it breaks her heart.

Dean, who has been abused, and raped and God knows what else, is pregnant.

She feels something wet on her face, feels her body rocking with each sob while she does nothing but stands there, so useless. She doesn’t know what to do; doesn’t know how to comfort the young Omega.

Dean is pregnant and it’s his dad’s.

Suddenly all she feels is disgust and anger welling up in her chest. She turns to the door, opens it so fast walking down to the restroom to her right, falling to her knees and throwing up. Her lunch and everything that she had eaten that day all going down the toilet, her throat hurting with the force of her vomiting. She barely registers the presence behind her, the scent filled with shame, and guilt, and understanding. She doesn’t register Dean standing in the hallway, his crying even harder while twisting his fingers as if not knowing what to do with his hands. He looks like he wants to reach out and touch her but refrains from doing so for fear of being rejected.

“Ellen, I’m so sorry,” he hiccups, trying to gain control of himself but he can’t. Ellen just stares, tears still falling and resting her head on the toilet seat trying to think of what to do.

What do you do in this situation?

What do you do?

And finally, all at once, Ellen feels the rage filling her, the hatred she had for John before is nothing compared to what she’s feeling for him now and without a second more to think about it, she stands and moves to the sink. Dean backs away, scenting the anger, in fear that it’s directed at him. Ellen doesn’t pay attention to it though and tries to wash her face, before turning and walking out the bathroom and down the stairs. All she feels is the rage simmering right under her skin and once she reaches the bar, everyone turns to her. The family that she had helped before going upstairs is at the register trying to pay their bill, Ash taking care of them. She hears Dean walking behind her, trying to catch up with her, calling out her name, but that’s not what is really on her mind, at least not yet. She feels so strongly for Dean right now, but all she wants to do is ripped John’s knot and throat and kill him slowly. Do everything he deserves for doing what he did to her poor boy.

Ash stiffens when he catches a whiff of her scent, also alarming the family who rapidly takes their change and walks out. The Alpha’s at the bar move away, too, before giving some cash and leaving. Good, she thinks. She may not be as strong as an Alpha, but she damn well can hold her own and knowing what she knows, smelling any Alpha would only make her direct her rage in the wrong direction.

“Benny!” She calls out, walking to the back of the bar trying to get to the kitchen where Benny is cooking.

“Ellen, please don’t tell anyone. I know you’re mad at me, but please don’t let everyone else hate me, too!” Ellen turns in a haste, her rage still so present, but tries not to scare Dean more than she already has.

“Hate _you_ , Dean?! Boy, please. If there’s anyone I’m hating right now is your-” she doesn’t end her sentence, because she can’t even think of John Winchester being anything to her precious boy. So instead she turns back around, continuing her search for Benny.

“Benny! Where the hell is you?!” She yells again, walking into the kitchen, Dean following behind her. He’s still crying, tears still falling no matter how much he’s trying to wipe them off his face.

Benny finally appears, Ash also coming in right behind Dean, trying to figure out what is going and why Dean seems so stressed.

“Ellen, what is going on? Are the kids finally - Jesus, who the hell died?” Benny says, obviously catching a whiff of Dean’s scent.

“Ellen, please don’t do this! Please, I promise I’ll leave-”

“You’re not going anywhere! Do you understand? You’re going to stay here until I take care of that bastard!” Ellen admonishes, moving to face Benny who’s not only surprised to see his old friend again but also worried about what is happening.

“Wow, Elle’s, what happened?” Ash inquires from behind Dean, staring but not making any other movement.

“Dean’s pregnant,” Ellen replies, not even waiting for a beat.

“Ellen!” Dean exclaims, his distressed obvious.

“What?”

“Holy shit!”

Benny and Ash don’t say anything else, still not sure how to react. Dean sobs again and tries to move around Ash to take his leave, but Ellen stops him. Benny makes a grab for him, too, trying to pull him into his embrace trying to soothe him. Dean thrashes against him, trying to get away, but gives up in the end while Benny tries to whisper anything and everything to comfort him.

“Is it one of the Alpha’s you’ve been-”

Ellen steps forward interrupting him, trying to keep her tears at bay and looking anywhere but at Dean.

“No, it’s John’s,” she whispers, setting her gaze on Benny. Dean sobs again at her confession, hiding his face against Benny’s chest in embarrassment and holding him tight. Benny looks down at him confused, before returning his gaze to Ellen, raising an eyebrow not understanding.

“‘John’ as in like one of the Johns you’ve been hooking up with-”

Dean pushes back from him, his disbelief making him look at Benny with so much betrayal Benny feels ashamed, but he doesn’t know what to think. He’s still confused.

Ash is the first to understand, though, putting the pieces together before cursing once again and walking out, not wanting to hear more. Benny looks at where Ash had been standing, turns to look at Dean next seeing him bawling his eyes out, not meeting his gaze. He finally turns to Ellen, and finally, understands.

“No… I - what?”

Ellen doesn’t say anything and moves past them both, trying to get to her storage closet, where she keeps everything that might need to be filled with bullets.

Dean notices, wiping his tears away before his scent takes a hint of worry.

“Ellen, what are you doing?” He wonders, trying to follow the older Omega. Benny moves to stand behind Ellen, taking one of the shotguns Ellen passes him.

“I’m assuming your-” she pauses, takes a deep breath before continuing, “-that John is at Bobby’s?” Dean sniffs, still wiping his face from the snot and tears looking more worry than she had ever seen him. She turns her gaze to Benny who is not only trying to keep himself from doing something stupid but also trying to stay away from the both of them as if sensing that him interrupting would only make things worst. But Benny can’t hide his rage from his scent, letting Ellen know that he’s just as on board with whatever Ellen has in mind than anyone else would be.

“I-” Dean doesn’t even get to say whatever he was going to say when he is interrupted by Sam bursting into the kitchen followed by Jo, smiles on both their faces.

“Ellen, Benny! It’s so good to see y’all. I-” Sam halts all movements once his eyes land on Dean. He stares at the scene in front of him like he can't believe that after such long months he is finally seeing the person who cared for him and took care of him growing up.

His eyes move from Ellen to Benny and finally Dean again. Dean frozen in place while his hearts stops before excitement and worry fill him. What is Dean going to do? He can feel everything in him going into overdrive; feels his emotions swirling all inside him. He knows that stress while pregnant is not the best if he wants a healthy baby, but Dean can’t even think about that because he doesn’t even want it and all his mind is focused on is his younger brother - his poor pup. He feels horrible because rather than feeling guilty for everything that he might be putting the fetus through, he only feels disgusted. There’s not a single care for the thing growing inside him; there’s nothing in him that cares for it like he has cared for Sam all his life.

He realizes this while he turns to face Sam, his tears falling again. Ellen wants to do something; wants to maybe keep what is happening from Sam, but everything in her refuses from doing so. Sam needs to know; Sam needs to see what is happening and help Dean because she doesn’t know if she’s actually strong enough to help Dean alone.

Both brothers stand unmoving, not knowing what to do. Dean hasn’t seen his pup in so long he feels overwhelmed with everything that is happening around him. And because he hasn't seen nor heard much from Sammy in ages, he tries to move all his attention on him and forget everything else wanting to find comfort in the tall Alpha.

“Sammy,” Dean whispers and moves quickly toward him, wrapping his arms around his brother’s middle attempting to hide his face in his chest. Sam is quick in his actions, embracing Dean back, his nose scenting Dean’s hair.

“Oh, my God, Dean. Hi, I-” he pauses, taking a minute to process what is going on, but he doesn’t get much of that before Ellen speaks up, making him face her.

“Dean’s pregnant, Sam. And your daddy is the father.”

 

**xXx**

 

John wipes the sweat from his forehead, trying to dial Dean’s number again. He hears the line ringing before it sends him to voice mail again. He sighs, staring at his phone, trying to figure out why Dean is not picking up the phone he had to lend him that morning. John had been on edge the whole day, his Alpha instincts kicking into overdrive since the Sunday morning two days ago when he’d gone home from his week long “vacation.” He knew it was coming, he knew it was going to happen once Dean’s body had flushed out whatever remaining of the contraception pills he had taken.

John had been furious when he had found them, had been over his head when he once again found a new pack when Dean had returned home from “grocery” shopping two months ago, but despite his anger, he couldn’t stay angry for long with his Omega. John understands why Dean has felt the need to go behind his back; he understands why his beautiful Omega felt the need to deny himself the joy of having a pup.

Dean’s is scared. Dean’s scared to give John and himself the joy of bringing a kid to the world because the baby could run away and leave them just like Sam had done.

John frowns his annoyance with his younger son still something that has not left him even after almost a year of not knowing about or seeing him. Sam had ruined their perfect family, had taken a part of his Omega with him and John, despite being the Alpha of the house, didn’t know what to do to make his Omega feel better after their pup’s departure. Everything he came up with didn’t seem to work, and all he could think of in the end was to give Dean another pup; another baby to bring them both the much-needed joy.

So when John had found the contraception pills, the old ones, and the new ones, he had taken the time during one of his week long vacations to find substitutes for them and replace them. He knows the surprise is going to be a good one, it’s going to be the best one yet for Dean and John is just excited to finally have a part of himself and his Omega in a pup.

He smiles down at his phone, staring at Dean’s display picture, one he had taken while his Omega slept, and thanks God for the beautiful mate he has. Thanks to his Mary, too, who knew how to leave most of herself so John never feels empty now that she’s gone.

“Do I pay you to stand there to look like a love sick puppy, you bastard?” He hears Bobby exclaim behind him, interrupting his train of thought.

John chuckles, looking up at him.

“You hardly pay me at all, Bobby,” he replies, putting his phone away and moving to the front of the car he had been working on. Bobby looks up from the paperwork he’s holding, a small amused smiled on his lips as he stares at his best friend.

“So are you ever going to tell me who she is?”

John chuckles and shakes his head, and ignores Bobby's teasing. He tries to get back to work on the car, trying to keep the giddiness of his Omega’s pregnancy at bay.

Yeah, this is going to be good for them.

 

**xXx**

Sam sits on one of the stools at the bar, nursing a drink and flipping the business card with his right hand. He thinks back to yesterday; thinks about how wrong he had been about his brother situation. How he had gone on and on about his brother to Mr. Milton like he actually knew what was going. God, he is so stupid. All those years, living under the same roof with Dean and his fathe - and _John_ \- because he’s no longer a parent to Sam, and he had never noticed anything. For God’s sake, he should’ve known! He should’ve known that the bruises he often had seen on Dean were more than beatings. He just can’t believe he was stupid enough to not even notice what was so fucking obvious. Jesus Christ, he’d been so naive about everything, and now knowing what he knows it just seems so obvious.

Sam feels the tears falling down his face, his thoughts all filled with Dean, the only parent he truly knew. The only person who cared for him and who Sam had neglected for so long.

He sobs, shaking his head.

Dean’s now upstairs, hiding away as if he’s the one who should be ashamed for what he’s going through. Sam is really regretting not fighting Ellen about accompanying her and beating John to death for doing all this to Dean. For putting his Omega brother through such misery and pain.

Sam sniffs, his vision so blurry that he can no longer make out the words on the card. He feels bad, for leaving Dean in Jo’s care when he should be the one taking care of him, but Sam can’t even look at Dean without feeling angry with himself. And adding the way Dean had looked once he had scented Sam’s rage had broken his heart completely. What is Sam supposed to do? What can he do to make things right?

There’s another drink in front of him all of a sudden, making him look up to see Ash, who can’t quite meet anyone’s eyes after finding out about all this.

“Hey, man. I know this is hard, but I just-” he pauses and sighs, trying to find something to say to make Sam feel better. Sam shakes his head trying to appease the easy going guy, trying to appease Ash whom Sam has never seen cry until now.

“Don’t worry about it, Ash. I know,” he says. Ash nods his head, taking the hint that Sam wants to be alone.

Sam downs the drink he had been nursing for quite a while now, before getting the one Ash had brought him and downing that, too, without much thought. He feels the burn in his throat, clenches his eyes shut and tries to will the tears away. There’s not much he can do though; nothing much he cannot feel to make them go away, and that just makes his heart ache on a new level.

“Jesus, Dean, I’m sorry,” he whispers to himself, trying to rid himself of the pity he feels because he knows that’s the last thing Dean would want from him.

He stares at the card in his hand again, the gold metallic lettering reflecting the light back at him as if willing him to take action, but Sam can barely even afford to pay for groceries. How can he even afford the one person who he thinks might be the only one who can help Dean and bring him the justice he deserves?

He sighs, putting the card down and grabbing the bottle of whiskey Ash had left before leaving him alone in the empty bar. Pouring himself another glass of whiskey and downing it like it's water, he reaches for his phone, setting it next to the business card.

There were three numbers on it - the firm’s numbers in the gold metallic lettering and in pen Mr. Milton’s personal number. Mr. Milton had given it to Sam after their long conversation about psychology and behavior and everything else Sam had asked about yesterday that now lacked importance.

Sam pours himself another glass, and downs it again, slamming the glass harshly on the granite bar. The burn in his throat hurts, but it doesn’t stop it from soothing him. There’s a moment where he contemplates the card and his phone, wanting to do something and get some help. Maybe call the cops, maybe call a fucking therapist, or psychiatrist, or whatever the fuck to help his brother.

He chokes on his sobs, and throws the bottle of whiskey against the wall, watching the alcohol spilled on the floor, watching the glass break wishing it was John and his blood covering the floor.

“I’m sorry, Dean. Please, I’m sorry,” he cries, harshly rubbing his hands up and down his face, trying to wipe the fucking tears that won’t stop falling.

His body is rocking with the force of his sobs as he picks his phone up and calls nine-one-one. He hears the operator answer and he explains the situation to her, sobbing while telling her where to find John and try to stop Ellen from getting in serious trouble because Sam isn’t Alpha enough to care for his brother. The line dies after that and without waiting long he makes a grab for the card, dialing the first phone number he sees and waits for an answer.

“Milton & Garrison Law Firm, this is Sarah Blake speaking, how may I help you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bye, babes. Thank y'all for being wonderful and reading. Hope y'all had a better day than me :(


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good night to all of you. Omg guys, guys, gUYS!!!! So i actually made it to school all thanks to my stepdad! It's expensive as hell and we're not really getting financial help, but yall i'm here so I'm really happy. It was a completely nightmare tho ugh. These past weeks were a fucking roller coaster of emotions, but I made it so thank the universe for that. I also wanna thank y'all for all your well wishes thank you soooooooo fucking much. Man i don't deserve yall i feel like a fucking unicorn pooped on my heart holy shit.
> 
> Anyway, I wanted to post this right now because there's gonna be a hurricane during the weekend so idk if I'm gonna have wifi after so here yall go. I love yall so much thanks for everything! Also, I'm sorry for saying this but fuck Donald Trump.
> 
> P.S.  
> I think midnight posting has become my thing lol it's 12:10 a.m. I hate myself.

Dean thought that being alone was the worst thing that could possibly happen to him. The thoughts eating him alive at night not letting him sleep when he should, John being the only person he could have close to him - loneliness was one of his worst fears. Now, though, lying in Jo’s bed with everyone coming in and out trying to see how he’s feeling and pitying him is his worst nightmare. For almost a year, he craved the proximity of those he cared for, of those he loved and considered friends and family, but now it all seems like life is playing a cruel joke on him. He got his wish he supposes, but at what cost? At the cost of having Ellen hate him? At the cost of having his close friends pity him and not be able to stand the sight of him? At the cost of his pup not wanting to be _near him_ and be _disgusted_ by him?

Life’s cruel, he thinks, God is cruel.

The need to disappear and never see another day again is strong. He wants to end it all, leave Sam so his pup can be happy and have the life he deserves without having to worry about his failure of a brother. Dean wants to cease to exist because he can’t bear being the shameful Omega brother he is now to Sam. A myriad of emotions making him want to take action to make everything disappear and finally get the peace he so much craves. But he can’t. No matter how much he thinks about it he can’t because he’s weak and a coward who can’t do anything for himself.

Dean clutches his stomach harshly, willing the thing growing inside of him out. He cries and cries even though crying won’t solve his problems, but he feels the familiar hopeless feeling settle deep in his bone only causing him to bury his face into one of the pillows on the bed in an attempt to muffle his sobs and screams of distress. He wants everything to stop hurting; wants everything to end because he can’t do it anymore.

Where are the Angels? He wonders, where are the angels you talked about, mom? Are they watching over me now? Were they ever watching over him like his mom thought?

Those questions only lead him to think about everything bad that has happened to him and his sobbing increases.

Time passes, but Dean doesn’t notice. He’s lost in thought about everything and only comes back to reality when he hears the yelling. The noises are muffled due to the closed door, but he could be able to make out what the yelling is about if he would just stop crying.

There’s more screaming, doors being opened and then slammed again and only when the yelling gets near the stairs can he make out somewhat clearly who the voices belong to.

“I could’ve dealt with it, Sam! I could’ve ended it all for him, but you just had to be the good Alpha and called the damn cops!” Ellen shouts. She sounds furious, and not for the first time does the situation make Dean want to curl in on himself and disappear.

“I was just trying to do the right thing-”

“Of course you were! Now, what’s going to happen, hmm? What’s going to happen? That bastard goes to court, we get an old, privileged Alpha judge - because they’re all _fucking Alphas_ \- and then what? The defense attorneys call in John’s great service to our beloved country and poof! Nothing gets fucking _solved_ , Samuel!” Dean clenches his eyes trying to shut the arguing out, but they’re so loud it’s impossible. His heart is beating wildly in his chest and he feels terrible for putting his pup in this situation.

“I was just trying to help him, Ellen! Stop acting like this is my fault!” Sam’s voice wavers a little and Dean can tell how much this is hurting his baby. How much Dean is hurting the one person he promised himself not to hurt ever.

“Because it is your fault!” Ellen yells, and the argument halts, the whole fucking place silent. Dean tenses, his heart feeling like it’s going to pop out of his chest at what he heard and that’s the thing that gets him out of bed to slam the door open walk frankly down the stairs. The scents in the room feel like a slap in the face because of how intense everyone's emotions are, but he can only focus on Sam’s - how hurt and upset he is.

“Don’t you fucking dare, Ellen,” is the first thing he says, desperately moving to Sammy and putting himself between him and Ellen. “This is not his fault. He had nothing to do-”

“Eighteen years, Dean. _Eighteen years_ living under the same roof and he could never figure it out? How stupid and naive can someone be to not-”

“Stop it! It’s not his fault, Ellen! It’s not!” He screams because it really isn’t Sam’s fault. It never was and never will. The only one here to blame is Dean and Dean alone. He stares at Ellen, his eyes are waterfalls at this point and all he wants to do is comfort the tall Alpha behind him.

Dean whimpers turning to face Sammy still smelling the desolation in his scent and moves forward wrapping his hands around the Alpha while trying to guide Sam's nose to his neck and comfort him.

“It’s not your fault, Sammy, okay? It’s not your fault.” Sam wraps his arms around him, burying his faces deeper into Dean’s neck taking a deep breath trying to appease the Alpha in him.

“I was just trying to help, Dean. I was just trying to do the right thing,” Sam pules, tightening his arms around Dean. “I’m sorry I didn’t know. I’m sorry I left you and never came back, Dean. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Dean's heart breaks at how weak Sammy sounds, yet the only thing he can do is clear his scent to make him feel better because Dean is useless and a fucking burden to all those he dearly loves.

“I know, Sammy. I know.”

 

**xXx**

 

Castiel sighs tiredly leaning against the metal wall of the elevator, his head thudding against it as he closes his eyes in exhaustion. His muscles feel heavy, his head like it’s about to explode and the only thing he wants to do is get to his room and sleep. The flight back to New York felt too long for his liking, the service of first class heinous and loathsome and his fellow seat neighbor too intrusive for his personal liking. Overall, Castiel is in no way in the mood to entertain anything or anyone at the moment, but of course, God is never is on his side. The elevator hasn’t even reached his floor when his phone rings.

He opens his eyes, his eyes catching his reflection in front of him, his gaze only fleeting up to check how long until he finally reaches his floor. He inhales once again, trying to get rid of his exasperation, and exhales his phone falling silent. The ding of the elevator makes him look up, the doors sliding open and he quickly takes a hold of his suitcase walking out of the metal box. Exhaustion takes over him once again, as he searches for his card key taking long strides through the well illuminated and pretentiously decorated hallway. He stops in front of his door, sighing and sliding the card trying to unlock his door, but it refuses to do so and he frowns when he sees red blinking at him letting him know the odious card scanner didn’t read his card correctly. At that exact moment, his phone begins to ring again, the noise blaring loud and now all Castiel wants to do is bash his head against the door. He tries once more, but the red blinks back at him while his phone keeps ringing and the irritation only grows with every passing second. The growl he lets out is low, but now he can smell his own frustration and discontent while trying not to think how he might be stinking up the hallway and tries to slide his card again. The red light still glaring at him the ringing of his phone starts all over and Castiel loses. He slams his fist against the door, and finally reaches his cell answering without taking a minute to see who it is.

“What?!” He growls, his anger taking over. It’s three in the morning, whoever is calling will have to deal with his terrible mood if they’re so desperate to speak to him.

“Mr. Milton, it’s Sarah Blake. I’m sorry to call in so late but I was told this would be the only time I could reach you.” Miss Blake’s voice on the other line is timid and low and Castiel feels guilty for his tone. He sighs and rubs his forehead with his left hand in an attempt to soothe the pulsing between his eyes.

“No, Sarah, don’t worry, you are just doing your job. I apologize for the way I answered the call,” he responds, resting his head against his door, closing his eyes trying to regain his control. ”Now, what is so important that could not wait until Thursday morning?”

“I have a case. A really important one it seems. The man who called, said he spoke with you personally on Monday after your lecture at Stanford, requested your services as soon as possible.” Castiel sighs for the hundredth time that day and tries to recall Monday afternoon before Sarah speaks up again. “I insisted on having someone else from the firm be assigned to his case, but he was set on you, sir.”

“Sarah, I know you know I’m not supposed to be taking any cases at the moment-”

“Of course, sir, but he just kept pleading with me and when I continued to explained to him why you couldn’t take his case, he started going on about calling you himself.”

Castiel breathes in, tries to ease his annoyance and goes to swipe his card one more time and it finally blinks green and unlocks. He twists the handle, opening the door using his left foot to keep it open while he uses his free hand to carry his suitcase in.

“I know you’ve been indisposed after…” she pauses, sighing before continuing. “After everything and now you’re engagement, however, it really seemed important. He said you two had a long talk and that you gave him your personal number.” Castiel’s moves further into the room, not even looking around the well-decorated room, taking his suit jacket off before throwing it on the loveseat next to the king size bed. The moonlight the is the only thing illuminating the room, he thinks about turning the lamp on but decides against it and takes a seat on the bed resting his right elbow on his thigh to hold his head with his hand.

“I don’t recall giving anyone my personal cell phone number, Sarah. Maybe a name could help?” He asks, exhaling and finally falling backward. Feeling the soft mattress against his back is heaven and he closes his eyes, relishing in the comfort of it.

“Of course, sir! How silly of me to not have given it to you before.” Castiel hears movement on the other side, papers being moved around as Miss Blake looks for the information. “Okay, I got it. Young Alpha from Lawrence, Kansas. He’s a student at Stanford, but you obviously already knew that.” The embarrassed tone makes Castiel smile and he could just imagine the slight pink tint of Miss Blake’s cheeks.

“Name, Miss Blake.”

Sarah clears her throat before responding.

“Sam Winchester, sir. He’s seeking a lawyer for his brother-”

“Dean,” Castiel finishes for her. He thinks back to Monday, his conversation with Mr. Winchester recalling what they had spoken about. It had revolved mostly around the young man’s older brother, and Castiel can’t be surprised that he received a call from the young Alpha. He had expected the call, just not so soon.

“Yes! Dean Winchester. Young Omega, twenty-four, if I do remember correctly. Sexually abused for an undetermined period of time, I’m sorry I didn’t think to ask because - I couldn’t handle much of it after…” Castiel furrows his eyebrows, trying to make out what’s got Sarah worked up. She’s dealt with difficult cases, but Castiel knows the young Beta can barely stomach many of them. There has been plenty conversation about having her transferred to another position, but she has refused every offer Castiel has made her saying she enjoys being his secretary-slash-assistant and she would not give that up ever.

“What is it, Sarah?” He asked, trying to get her back on track.

“I - I wanted to have just a little bit of information about it, because he sounded desperate and I thought if I could explain to you what it is about I could maybe convince you to take it,” Castiel smiles at the confession. He adores Sarah and denying her anything when she has made up her mind is near to impossible, so more often than not Castiel doesn’t even try to say no when it comes to her.

“It’s the dad,” she says too quickly, only confusing him. “And not like the dad as in stepdad, it’s the dad. The actual biological father, sir.”

Castiel inhales and exhales, his heart thudding a little faster than it had been previously because he knew after the conversation with Sam Winchester that something was definitely wrong with the whole situation with his older brother, but he did not think-

“Jesus Christ,” he exclaims, rubbing his eyes a little too harshly. “Clear my schedule this week, Sarah, and let them know I’ll be in Kansas in two days.”

Sarah breathes a sigh of relief before thanking him and letting him know she’ll take care of everything. The call ends and despite how tired he is, Castiel knows he won’t be doing much sleeping tonight.

 

**xXx**

 

Ellen hesitates a little, standing outside the room where Dean is staying in trying to gather all the courage to knock. At the last second, she refrains, leaning her head on the door instead not knowing what to do. The day has gone by and she still doesn’t know what to do. She has never in her life not known what to do after an emergency. Ellen always knows what to do, how to deal with things - hell, everyone she has ever known comes to her for advice because there’s no one like Ellen Harvelle when it comes to fixing a problem and yet here she finds herself. She knew what to do when she found out she was pregnant with Jo; she knew what to do when she had to buckle her belt and call Bill Harvelle to mate her because she was pregnant and it took two to tango. She knew what to do when Jo got so sick she thought she was going to lose her daughter; hell she knew what to do when Bill died even when she was a wreck of emotions, but now, in this specific moment, Ellen is lost. Everything she thinks and feels and knows is uncertain to her. Actions don’t come to mind, advice doesn’t either and the only thing taking over the situation is despondency.

Ellen is lost.

She smells Sam before she can hear him and guilt takes over her. After their fight, she had felt terrible, but her whole being refuses to apologize for her words - she just can’t bring herself to do it.

Sam pauses behind her, probably expecting her to move. She shakes her head, sighing and moving out of the way. The words are stuck in her throat, difficult to leave her mouth which only causes to make her worst. She takes a step forward, stopping just in front of him and glancing up at him, trying to convey just how sorry she is but Sam is not looking at her. Instead, he moves around her and opens the door leaving her outside and Ellen can’t think of any other time where she felt this much pain.

In the room, Sam walks to the bed, seeing his brother lying on his stomach, his face facing the opposite side of the room his breathing finally calmed and steady. Sam watches him for a second before moving forward and lying on his back next to him where he can see Dean’s face. He’s sleeping, eyes and cheeks red and puffy, his freckles way more noticeable and Sam smiles sadly taking him in. Sam doesn’t remember their mother, but he’s seen enough pictures to see the resemblance between her and Dean and even though it hurt growing up without her Sam would never trade Dean for anyone or anything. Dean loved him when no one else would, took care of him when no one would. He cooked for and bathed him when no one would and Sam’s grateful for all it.

Dean was Sam’s mother and father all in one and Sam can’t thank him enough.

Dean stirs a little, moving toward him chasing the familiar scent. Sam moves closer, pulling him to him and letting Dean rest his head on his shoulder Dean's nose brushing his neck as he scents Sam. Sam pulls him in tighter as if Dean would disappear if he didn’t hold him close enough.

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean whispers, his eyes still closed but he still doesn’t pull away and instead wraps his arm around Sam’s chest his hand resting right on top of Sam’s heart and he finds comfort at the feeling of it beating. Sam moves his face, trying to scent Dean’s scent trying to take him all in, thinking of what he can do to take away the pain.

“Stop thinking, Sammy. I told you this isn’t your fault.” Sam sighs shaking his head and shuts his eyes trying to keep the new tears at bay.

“When I was seven, I remember going to school,” he starts, recalling the memory, recalling the feelings he felt that day to replace the ones he’s currently feeling. “It was Omega’s Day and we were supposed to make a card for our Omega parents. You know how it goes for me, though. No mom, no point of making a card, right?” Dean tries to hide his face in Sam’s neck tightening his hold on him, but Sam only smiles because this is a good memory, a happy one so he continues before he makes Dean feel even worst. “Anyway, I was seating there still upset because I didn’t have anyone to make a card for and be excited about like everyone else, you know. But then you came to mind,” he chuckles, looking down at Dean and running his hand up and down his spine. Dean nods because he knows what card he’s talking about. Dean knows.

“I still have it,” he whispers, not moving anymore.

“Of course you do. But what I’m trying to say, Dean, I didn’t make you that card just because you were the next available Omega family member I had. I made it because I genuinely thought you deserved it, Dean.” He pauses, seeing the memory so vividly in his mind. “I heard all the other kids talking about their Omega parents and how they took care of them and did this and that and I realized that you did all that and more, Dean. You were perfect and more I just had to show you how much I love you.” Sam feels the tears on his neck and scents Dean again, catching the nice fresh smell of apple pie and leather without the sour touch of all the negative emotions he has had to endure during the day.

“I love you, too, Sammy.”

“I would do anything for you, Dean. I mean it. I would die and go to hell to keep you safe,” he takes a breath in to keep his mind off the bad thoughts and continues with the good ones. “You’re my mom and dad and brother all in one, Dean, and I would do anything for you.” There’s so much conviction in his voice that Dean has no doubt Sammy would and not only does the confession scare him, because getting his pup in trouble is the last thing he wants, it also fills him with gratitude, because someone’s finally going to help him out of his misery.

“I love you, Dean. I will do everything I can to help you and if the law fails you? I will take care of John myself, I swear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope yall liked. Anyway, I told yall about me, do you guys want to share anything exciting that happened to yall so I can be happy for/with yall and celebrate together? Tell me I want to know how yall are doing (I hope that's not too intrusive, yall don't have to say anything if yall dont want to, obvi).
> 
> Also, anyone from Texas, be careful and stay safe babes!! Everyone just stay safe. (Sorry for all the errors and stuff btw i've been a little lazier than usual, oops).


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry for the long wait I've been so busy with school and studying for my tests that I completely forgot about the drafts I had here and never reading that the drafts only stay here for like a month. I lost two chapters lmfao. Anyway, I moved everything to google docs and tried to finish this chap, but idk when I'll have the next one. I have a Philosophy test this Tuesday and I'm losing it. But really guys it's my fault. I'm determined to finish this story though lol I'm not abandoning it completely. Thanks to elliesamanddeangirl for calling me out lol, i gotchu fam!
> 
> Also, it was brought to my attention how insensitive it was for me to have part of the rape scene as my summary and that person is completely right and I want to apologize for doing that. Idk wtf was going on through my mind this whole time, but guys just know that I am deeply sorry. I hope you guys can forgive me and know that I'm changing that like rn. Thanks for reading and I'll read y'all when I read y'all. Love you babes!

* * *

 

“I cannot believe you, Clarence! You promised me that you’d take a break with me to spend some time together. You fucking promised!” Castiel doesn’t know how to respond, how to explain to her why he decided to break his promise, the guilt in him consuming him with every second he stays silent.

Castiel had decided on Wednesday at exactly 3:22 a.m., right after Sarah’s call, that he is going to take the Winchester case regardless of his impending wedding and responsibilities. Blame it on his inability to feel joy about getting married, no matter how much he cares for Meg, he is incapable to let any ounce of joy enter his being. The feeling of uncertainty taking over him every single second he thinks about entering a loveless marriage. Is not for lack of trying to feel some kind of contentment, of course not, it’s merely the fact that yes he loves Meg, she was there when he needed her the most, but he’s not _in love_ with her. Castiel can’t really comprehend his reasoning for proposing come think of it; he doesn’t understand where the desperation of putting an end to his long lonely single life came from. What he does know is that taking the Winchester case feels like a good thing, a simple case to distract him, and therefore procrastinating the wedding preparations. It should not even be a problem, he thinks, they have not even come up with a date for the wedding, so he did not see how taking just one more case can affect their timing at all. So here he is in Lawrence, Kansas on a Friday walking through the airport and about to meet with his potential next client.

“Meg, I know I promised that I’d take some time off, but you have to understand,” he pauses, walking towards baggage claim to retrieve his suitcase. “Mr. Winchester called the law firm begging Sarah to ask me to take this case.” Castiel looks down at his watch, noting the time before focusing on finding his belongings. “His brother was sexually abused by their father, Margaret, this is important to them and they think that I might be able to help them,” there’s a moment of silence as he takes a second to breathe in and out, closing his eyes to rid himself of the exhaustion that has not left him at all. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but please understand why I’m trying to do this.” There’s no response from the other side of the line, and for a minute Castiel thinks Meg hung up, but the sigh that comes a short while later contradicts his thoughts.

“Whatever, Clarence. Of course, I have to understand, right? I mean, you’re the big shot Alpha after all. Nevermind the fact that I’m taking a _whole month_ for our vacation. So fuck Meg and her career, no?” Castiel sighs, his heart beating faster than it had been previously. He looks around, trying to not let his guilt overpower him and tries to look again for his suitcase.

“Meg, you know that’s not what I intended by doing this I-”

“No, Castiel we both know why you’re postponing this. I just don’t get what you’re still doing with me if you’re still so hung up on that bitch Hael-”

“That’s not it all, Meg, and you know it!” The frustration comes, making him feel even worst. That’s not a reason as to why he’s doing this. It isn’t.

“Do I, Clarence? Because as it seems you’re fucking _miles_ away from me at the moment taking a case that might take God-knows-how-long rather than being ready to take time off like you _fucking promised!_ ” Castiel tenses, closing his eyes tightly as he feels the prickling sensation behind his eyes, his hand clenching so hard his knuckles turn white trying to keep his composure.

“Meg, please understand-”

“Fuck off, Castiel. Have fun planning the wedding by yourself once you’re done with your case.” The line goes dead then and Castiel feels desolated, his heart painfully constricting in his chest. He looks up, catching a few people looking his way in pity which only serves to make the situation more uncomfortable and unpleasant. God is he a terrible Alpha. The one thing he never wanted to do was to upset Meg, but of course, that would not be possible because he always manages to screw everything up. First with his family, not only by pursuing and nearly mating an Omega that clearly he couldn’t have, but said Omega being Michael’s intended had the whole Milton clan turn on him. But God he would never blame anyone, but himself for that. He had been so naive and gullible believing he was finally going to be able to be mated to someone he not only love but also seemed to care for him in return. Which brings him to his second screw up of his life: Hael. God had Castiel fallen head over heels for the pretty Omega. The adorable glances Hael had sent his way the first time they had met at his mother’s annual Christmas party had made Castiel’s heart faltered completely. The sweet floral scent had made him delirious and the cute smile she had also gifted him had Castiel wrapped around her little finger instantly. He remembers it so clearly it makes his heart twist painfully, his eyes getting just a tad dewy at the memory. Hael had been breathtaking to him.

Castiel sighs, looking up trying to refocus on searching for his damn suitcase, but the images of Hael refuse to leave his mind.

Of course, he had fallen in love with the Omega, he couldn’t have stopped himself even if he had tried which he had no intention of doing then and he had been a complete idiot because of it.

Hael had approached him, the sweet smile in place as she had introduced herself, never mentioning that she had been invited to meet Michael and not as a regular, but never less than important, guest to his mother’s fancy party. They had spent most of the evening conversing, getting to know each other meeting each other’s gaze almost shyly as he tried to catch the joyful gleam of her pale blue eyes. Her hair had looked beautiful falling over her pale unblemished shoulders in dark waves, covering the thin straps of her long white dress with an expensive neckline decorated in jewels - he had simply been unable to tear his off of her the whole night.

Castiel thankfully catches sight of his belongings, stepping forward to retrieve it before walking away, the pitying gazes following behind as they can still catch a whiff his sullen scent. The way the gazes linger on him making his doleful attitude heighten, the need to get away from those gazes growing inside him just like he had felt the day of Hael and Michael’s wedding. So he continues walking, taking long strides as fast as he could to escape everything, escape the memory of Hael and the pitying and scorning gazes of his family and anyone who ever felt such emotions toward him. He had been doing well the past couple months. He can’t go back to square one, no. He’s _engaged,_ ready to marry Meg and have everything he had planned despite not being with the person he had planned everything with. Castiel is going to get married to this amazing woman who loved him and cared for him and would never deceive him like Hael had; he is going to get married to his best friend there shouldn’t be any complaints. Castiel’s is going to marry Meg Masters. It’d just be a while till then, right after he’s done with this case, Meg will forgive him.

The Winchester case is a good ending to his career. He could do it. He _can_ do it and he _will_.

 

**xXx**

 

Hours seem to pass by as they wait, the three days of waiting knowing John will be released soon because he never got the nerve to go in and press charges settle heavily on their shoulders. Dean had wanted to, had wanted to go in and do it, but the fear of seeing John had halted every single attempt of leaving Ellen’s home to do so. Which is ridiculous, he thinks now, he’s somewhat sure that if he had asked to not see John the police officers wouldn’t have questioned him, but he also recalls most of them being John’s friends so how sure is he really?

He lets out a shaky breath, noting his hands shaking as he stands in front of the mirror, his feelings overwhelming as he hears everyone pacing outside Jo’s room. There’s ambivalence about letting this get too far, getting in too deep if it’s not even necessary, but Sammy had insisted. Dean had wanted to just let it go, ignore and forget about it, let John do whatever he wanted to do with himself and Dean could stay here at Ellen’s or move to California with Sammy and it’ll be all well and dandy. But he knows it’s not possible, he knows it, but he doesn’t want to deal with it at all. He’s tired of everything and it hasn’t even started, how is he going to deal with this becoming more than it already is? God, just thinking about going through all those interrogations and exams and rape kits and pregnancy tests -

Dean blinks away the tears, taking a look at himself again, the ever-present dejected feeling overpowering his very being as he stares at his reflection. Does he truly deserve to be saved?

There’s a knock at the door, making him turn toward it catching sight of Sammy. The guy looks worn out, dark circles under his eyes and cheeks and eyes puffy and red and Dean notices the pain in his heart.

“Hey, kid. Is the lawyer here already?” Dean takes a few steps forward, turning slightly to catch a glimpse of the time from the little alarm clock sitting on the nightstand.

“Uh, no. We still have half an hour till he gets here,” he pauses, leaning against the door frame taking a look at Dean before averting his eyes somewhere else not able to meet his gaze. The pain in him intensifies but doesn’t mention it. Dean deserves _that_ , he doesn’t deserve to be saved.

“Bobby’s outside actually,” Sam clears his throat, frowning as he looks back and Dean guesses Bobby’s there. “He wants to talk to you.” Sam turns to look at him again, but not for long. “Do you want me to let him in-”

“It’s fine, Sammy,” Dean responds, moving away with a sigh, trying to gain control of his emotions, taking a sit at the end of the bed. He hears the footsteps approaching and notices the scent he recognizes as Bobby. A moments pause as he tries to not look up, scared as to why Bobby’s there. Dean hadn’t heard anything from Bobby since John was arrested and some part of him believes that perhaps Bobby’s blaming him for John being taken away. He’s afraid that Bobby thinks he’s lying about John, his blood running cold at the dreaded meeting as they sit quietly, not speaking for a long while. Dean stares at his shoes, some fancy Italian shoes that had once belonged to Bill Harvelle which Ellen had let him borrowed for the day. The silence stretches as his fidgets with his fingers, taking deep breaths suppressing his emotions as much as he can.

Finally, Bobby takes the initiative, moving forward and clearing his throat.

“I’ve known John basically my whole life,” he starts, inhaling long and deep, turning away from Dean. Their scents lacking to let each other know how they feel and the fact that it’s been so long since they had seen each other goes unmentioned by both. “Never saw any of this coming.” Dean doesn’t say anything, merely listens as his heart beats harder against his ribcage. The dread in his bones too constricting to move or say anything. “He had seemed more awake and happy a few years after,” he pauses, sighing and hiding his fists in the pockets of his pants. Dean knows what but stays silent. The tears are blurring his vision again, his breaths coming in shaky but he’ll be damn if he starts crying again. All he had done lately is cry he’s done with the waterfalls.

“I thought he was gettin’ better and movin’ on. Even more now I suppose,” Bobby’s voice comes in trembling and breathy, but he’s incapable of facing him, so Dean keeps his eyes on his shoes, noticing the nice shiny leather. “Kept askin’ the sonuvabitch about meeting the pretty girl makin’ him all gooey eye and everythin’,” Dean sniffles, a bold tear rolling down his eyes. Bobby turns then, moving a couple steps forward, but stopping suddenly like he couldn't bring himself too close to him. The pain that had yet to cease only grows, the need to get away compelling but he stays put. “Sorry, boy. I didn’t think it was you he was romancing-” Dean doesn’t hear much past that and stands then because fuck Bobby, John had done anything but romance him. Fuck is that fucked up to say. It sounds like the way John did it was wrong rather than the fact that it was his _own son_ he was fucking -

“Romancing, Bobby, really?” He lets out a mirthless laugh, shutting his eyes tightly trying not to let more tears fall. “Romancing! That’s rich. Nevermind the fact I was only five the first time he-” he shakes his head, the memories assaulting him making his head spinning and his stomach turn in disgust refusing to say anything else. He smells Bobby’s anger and frustration before he even gets to continue.

“That’s not what I meant you idjit. You know that’s not what I meant by it!” Bobby stares at him, his whole body shaking as he breathes in to calm his anger. “I knew John way before you were born, boy. I saw him how he was with you when you were born, how much he loved and cared for you, Dean. Hell, the sonuvabitch never let you out of his sight then I never saw anything wrong with how he acted toward you after Mary was gone!” And maybe it’s the fact that he had always been so restricted and controlled that made him lose it. Maybe it’s the fact that his mom was brought up like it was her fault for dying and letting Dean suffer. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s finally able to experience the anger bubbling in him and not the sadness and dejection that had been taking over him for almost his whole life, but he finally snaps.

“He kept me locked away in that house, Bobby! How is that okay?!” He turns to look at him, his anger turning his scent sour and too strong, his body shaking with uncontained anger. “I lost my mom when I was _four_ . I lost just as much as Dad did, Bobby, but he gets the empathy?” He says in disbelief, his nose flares in anger, scent overpowering the room and Bobby looks down, frown in place. “I was hurting, too. Mom meant _everything_ to me and I had lost her just as much dad had and Sammy had. But dad is the only one who gets to feel bad about losing her!” His clenches his hands into fists, his knuckles turning white as he finally lets his anger out. “He took me, Bobby. At five years old he took me right in front of Sammy as he slept. I cried and begged him to stop. To let me go.” Dean sobs, his vision obscured by his tears. “I laid there, begging daddy to stop, squirming away, to make him stop-” Bobby shakes his head, trying to not hear him anymore.

“Stop.”

“-I cried for him to not do it, but he used mom against me. Said if I wanted to be like her then I had to take it like she had.”

“Stop!” Bobby looks up at him, anger and despair in his scent and gaze. And Dean feels better knowing he could at least get him to finally look at him. He’s tired of having everyone not looking at him or looking pass him because _they_ feel miserable.

“He kept saying that I was his Omega. His cute little mate, a gift from mom because she knew.” Bobby moves forward and Dean feels panic rising in him but he lets the words fall from his mouth.

“Damn it, boy.”

“‘Yes sweetheart, touch my cock’ he said, ‘be like your mom’ and I did it, Bobby! I did it because I wanted to keep something from her, keep dad from leaving us just like mom had! And guess what all that got me? A sibling-slash-kid. I’m pregnant, Bobby!”

Bobby bumps into him fists raised and Dean ducks, but Bobby moves passed him breaking the mirror instead. Dean sobs and the door opens suddenly, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Benny, and Sammy running in trying to figure out what the ruckus is about.

“I didn’t mean it like that, boy! I didn’t!” Bobby shouts, the tears falling surprise Dean and the anger seeps out his system replaced by guilt. Bobby moves away, body rocking as he cries and leaves the room, not once glancing Dean’s way. The huge emptiness he notes inside him then only increases and not for the first time does he wish he went numb from everything because it’s never about him, it’ll never be about him and he's a fucking selfish asshole for wishing it was about him.

 

**xXx**

 

It’s exactly 3:54 p.m. when he reaches The Roadhouse, suitcase still in hand due to his plane delay and baggage claim taking too long to permit him enough time to check in at the hotel. Castiel had called Sarah as soon he noted his lack of time and asked to move it for a later time, more preferably after he had had his consultation meeting with the Winchesters. Sarah had readily agreed to appease his worries and reminding him that the Winchester brothers were expecting him at four before she hung up and where they were due to meet. After that Castiel had hauled a taxi to drive him to the nearest car rental, filing information that had annoyed him beyond belief before he was able to get a recent Mercedes model and driving off to meet the Winchesters. He’s grateful for the paperwork and the distractions and inconveniences, he thinks now, at least they got him to stop thinking about Hael and his guilt for breaking his promise to Meg.

He looks up at the rustic establishment, noticing an old man walking out of it hastily before climbing into an old truck and driving off. Castiel takes that as a bad sign immediately and sits in the car for a couple of minutes, resting his head against the steering wheel taking in deep breaths to get in his professional lawyer role before climbing out of the car. He looks around, holding the car door open still, keys dangling from his finger as he takes notice of the other small business surrounding the bar. The parking lot is deserted except for an old black muscle car and two other beat up trucks, but there’s no one around the establishment like there is in the surrounding businesses.

Castiel frowns, moving into the car to reach his briefcase from the passenger seat and opens it, making sure all documents he will require Mr. Winchester to fill are in there, shuffling through everything and closing it after checking for the fourth time. Sighing, he sits up straight, trying to understand why he’s so hesitant to go in. This is important, Sam Winchester had begged for him and here he is taking pause wondering if he should help the young man’s brother. For all that is holy, he just wants to close his eyes and actually rest, but he knows he won’t be able to, not until he helps him. Exhaling, Milton makes sure his scent hasn’t broken through the scent blockers he had applied all over his scent glands after leaving the airport and with determination starts walking toward the front entrance.

Once inside, he notices the same decorative style, tables and chairs spread out throughout the room, a bar toward the back with shelves filled with every type of alcohol known to mankind. There’s a chalkboard hanging from the ceiling behind the bar, neat handwriting stating the specials of the day and an empty cash register under it. Castiel’s narrows his eyes, trying to see if he notices anyone, but the room is empty. His hesitation comes back as he tentatively moves to the bar and sees a small ringing bell. He waits for a second, trying to listen but raises his hand ringing the bell. It takes a few minutes of silence before he rings it again and confusion mars his face. Sarah had confirmed that he’d be meeting the Winchesters at The Roadhouse bar where, according to the information provided to him, is where a family friend lives.

Castiel notices the case of stairs then and reaches the end of them, only momentarily pausing before calling out.

“Hello?” His voice is hoarse and deep and he clears his throat unnecessarily since it doesn’t do much to help. Castiel shifts from foot to foot, finally catching the sound of a door opening.

“Bar’s close!” Someone yells from upstairs, but Castiel still doesn’t see anyone. He turns back, wishing he could get a glass of whiskey in his system.

“I’m here for Mr. Winchester, actually. We’re supposed to meet here for our first consultation.” He responds, looking around the room.

“Oh shit, right.” There’s hurried movements upstairs, Castiel can’t tell how many people might be upstairs but he walks away and settles his briefcase on top of the nearest table and waits. Before he knows it Mr. Winchester is there, shaking his hand with Ms. Harvelle followed by four other individuals he doesn’t recognize.

“Mr. Winchester, Ms. Harvalle. Wish we could be meeting again under different circumstances,” he says, shaking both their hands.

“Mr. Milton, thank you for taking the time to help our case.” Sam nods his head, turning back to introduce everyone in else that had joined him. “Please let me introduce you,” he gestures toward an older Omega with dirty blonde hair and serious expression standing behind Ms. Harvelle. “This is Ellen Harvelle, Jo’s mother. This is Benny, a friend, and employee of the place.” He nods toward a burly Alpha who looks ready to take any threat that can come their way. Sam nods towards a peculiar man who looks intoxicated past what is appropriate for the time of day. “That’s Ash, and finally,” he moves back, grabbing hold of a young Omega. “This is my brother Dean. He’s the one….” Sam doesn’t finish his sentence, and Castiel notes the rigidness in the oldest Winchester’s shoulder.

Dean doesn’t meet his eyes as he reaches out to shake his hand. There’s sadness in his scent and dried tears on his cheeks, but Castiel ignores it and accepts the hand.

“It great to finally meet you, Mr. Milton. I’ve heard Sammy’s a big fan,” he says, his voice soft making something stir in Castiel. Dean Winchester looks older than his age, worn out to his very core as Castiel tries to catch his gaze. There’s so much pain held in those emerald eyes it makes everything crumble in Castiel only solidifying his decision about taking this case.

“Nice to meet you as well, Mr. Winchester. It’s a pleasure to meet all of you.” He nods toward the others, the Alpha’s barely acknowledging his presence.

“Just Dean, please. Mr. Winchester is my fath-” Dean cuts himself off before looking down frowning. Castiel’s heart breaks all over again for him. Cases like this are always difficult and despite knowing that he should keep his emotions of getting in the way, he always fails to do so. So he sighs and pats Dean’s hand that he’s still holding.

“Then you can call me Castiel and we can forget all about formalities,” he replies, noticing the way Dean suddenly looks up, eyes shining with something Castiel can’t make out before he lets out a shaky breath.

“Castiel, The Angel of Solitude and Tears,” Dean looks up him with something new on his face and Castiel frowns, but smiles regardless.

“Yes, my family is quite religious,” he looks at Dean, feeling something ease inside him once he notices the small smile on the young man’s face.

“Also believed to be a variation of the name Cassiel, The Archangel,” Sam says, nodding his head as if this is important information they should all acknowledge. Castiel cocks his head taking this information in, but his smile still in place. He agrees, ignoring how he’s still holding Dean’s hand.

Castiel knows he should start with their consultation but there’s something in everyone’s scent that makes him refrain from doing so, seeming like this a heavy moment and the least he could do for them is let them have it. But the way Dean looks at him makes him feel like he’s part of the moment, too. All he can do however is hold the man’s eyes and smile, easing his heart from the guilt and desolation forgetting everything bad.

“My mom used to talk about Angels a lot,” Dean whispers, his eyes filling with tears and Castiel hears the way his voice cracks. He looks up, trying to see if any of Dean’s friends or his brother would do something to try to comfort the Omega, but they all just stand still looking anywhere else but at Dean. Dean sobs then, and Castiel looks down immediately, catching the tears falling down the young man’s face, seeing freckles decorating his face, more noticeable now with the redness on Dean’s face.

Castiel squeezes the young Omega’s hand that he’s still holding, letting him know Castiel is there for him. However, before he can reply the entrance door slams open, revealing another Alpha. Something shifts in the air suddenly, everyone’s scents taking a hint of rage, worry, and fear. Dean tenses moving behind him, he sobs harder than the small one he had let out a second ago causing Castiel to tense with everyone and turn to see what, or rather who is making everyone defensive. At the entrance stands another Alpha, hair unkempt with a beard and wrinkled dirty clothes only adding to the disheveled appearance. His scent is sour carrying his annoyance with the situation.

“Sam, I should’ve known it was you.” Castiel looks back at Sam seeing the boy shaking with fear and anger before taking a guess as to whom the Alpha might be.

“Samuel, I thought you mentioned to Sarah that your father had been arrested,” his voice is impassive as he looks at the young Alpha, noting the worry that fills his eyes once he turns to address him.

“That was Tuesday, and Dean never went in to press charges. You know what happened,” Castiel curses knowing that without pressing charges the longest John could be incarcerated for a serious crime would only be four days. He tries to assess the situation trying to come up with something to keep things from getting too far. Dean’s shaking behind him, holding onto Castiel’s hand tighter and he sees the moment John Winchester takes notice of it.

“Get your hands off him, boy, or you won’t know what hit you.” John stalks forward stopping just a few feet away from them.

“Mr. Winchester, I’m Dean’s lawyer I’d advise you to leave this establishment or I’ll have to add public disturbance on a family establishment grounds on top of everything else.” Castiel gestures for everyone to move behind him in case John Winchester tries to assault any of them. Castiel would rather cut one of his limbs than let someone like John Winchester do any more damage. But John doesn’t look the least perturbed, smiling mockingly at him.

“Oh, I’ve seen your delicate face on t.v.,” John laughs, his tone condescending. “You’re the righteous Alpha leading the Omegas’ Right crap,” John leans forward, trying to intimidate him, but Castiel had dealt with Alpha’s with superiority complexes.

“Glad to know you know what I can do, then,” his voice remains steady and calm, commanding edge. “It’s best you follow my advice, Mr. Winchester.” There’s challenge in his voice, a poke at John and Castiel knows it, but nothing in him seems to care about it as he keeps his head high, straightening to his full height.

“Or what?” John whispers dangerously, never averting his gaze from Castiel’s. Castiel opens his mouth to reply, but he catches sight of a rifle next to him before he can and Ellen Harvelle takes charge.

“Or I kill you now and we’ll be done, Johnny boy.” The ire in John’s scent becomes stronger, but he never leaves Castiel gaze. Castiel knows this tactic way too well, and he knows that it won’t do much. Manipulating him with his scent won’t affect Castiel at all, and because Castiel is not above being anything other than a “sarcastic mocking little shit” as his brother Gabriel so eloquently puts it, he smirks right in front of John’s face.

“And I know only the bests to absolve you in court, Mrs. Harvelle.” Ellen faces him for a second, nodding her head amused before returning to aim at John.

“Well, would you look at that? Didn’t think lawyers were that resourceful,” Ellen says, her voice strained but nevertheless intimidating. Dean sniffles behind him, not daring to move as everything unfolds, but Castiel can scent his fear and desperation.

“Leave, Winchester. And you make sure you find someone who can take me because I will try my hardest to convince all of Kansas to let you rot in a prison cell.” He dares lean closer, never breaking their eye contact as his voice takes a dangerous dark edge. “Or better yet, death sentence does sound very appealing, not that I agree with it, but this is a red state, no? I can use that to my advantage completely.” The Alpha in front of him doesn’t physically react, but Milton can scent how affected he is and with more satisfaction than should be allowed watches as John finally pulls away making his way toward the exit still facing them. But the smile that reaches his face is unsettling yet Castiel never deters.

“You keep that confidence in you, boy because you don’t know who you’re messing with,” he pauses at the door, making a show of trying to see behind Milton to catch a glimpse of the Omega. “And Dean, you better be ready to come back once this is over with my bun still in the oven, sweetheart because I’m sure Sam or anyone who you think cares won’t be there in the end.” Sam freezes just as Dean does catching the threat in their father’s tone before the Alpha leaves the establishment.

Castiel turns then looking between the two brothers. “Was that a threat?” He tries to get any information from anyone but no one replies. “Sarah never mentioned a pregnancy, Sam.”

Dean sobs and moves away, falling into his brother’s arms and hiding his face against his chest. Sam looks at him, the tears falling from his face as he lets himself feel the despondency settle in his bones as he holds Dean - thinking how once again he had failed to do anything but stand there like useless, scared little pup.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Dean seems to not hear anything as he lets himself cry and the sight of it only makes Castiel angry. He takes his phone out, dialing Sarah’s number and waits as it rings.

“Mr. Milton! Is everything okay? Did the consultation-”

“Sarah, I need you to fax me the forms for a restraining order against John Winchester immediately.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments. I don't want to make y'all feel forced to leave them, but omg they're so nice to see no matter what. So really thank you!! Anyway, I hoped y'all had a great Thanksgiving!! I don't enjoy going home so mine sucked. Let me know how y'all doing. I actually truly care how y'all are doing. What can I say? I'm hella nosy.

 

* * *

 

Castiel sits behind the desk in the bar’s office, phone still in his hand as he tries to type and research whatever he has to know about restraining orders in Kansas on Ellen’s computer, frustratingly talking with his assistant. Jo and Ash were gone somewhere, tears falling down their faces leaving the scent of every emotion Dean is already fed up with. Sam stands behind him, his cheeks red and eyes bloodshot, his eyes not really focusing on anything. Benny and Ellen had left the room as soon as John had left, moving their anger and whatever else emotion to the kitchen. But him? He stands leaning against the wall, his head spinning with everything Castiel is arguing with his assistant, and ignoring any scent coming from Sammy. He’s just so tired, he wants everything to be done and over with, but the more he thinks about wanting everything to be over the worst things get.

Dean sighs, leaning his head against the wall, closing his eyes trying to keep the damn tears at bay, because his head feels like it’s going to explode with all the crying he’s been doing.

Castiel keeps going on about abortion laws, and rape kits and everything else he doesn’t want to think about. Why is he even doing this in the first? What is he truly going to gain from it?

“Dammit, Sarah, I am aware of that! Is there anything else that I don’t know that you can let me know?” The deep voice sounds way too dangerously angry for something so simple, Dean thinks, maybe perhaps this Castiel guy isn’t really that good if something so simple gets him that riled up. “Sarah, I understand. I apologize but-” Dean doesn’t even care about the conversation enough to wonder why the guy suddenly goes quiet.

He turns to look at Castiel, noticing the dark bedhead hair, the stubbled strong jaw, sharp cheekbones and blue eyes. Dean thinks the name suits him well.

The thought only makes him think about his mother, however, making him shut his eyes trying to think of anything else. But the deep rumble of Castiel’s voice prevents him from doing so, Sammy’s scent attacking his nose every time he breathes in leaving him with nothing to do than to stay in the present.

Castiel finally drops his phone on the desk, exhaling long bringing his head down to massage his temples and Dean looks at the guy in sympathy because he understands. Jesus, is that the only thing Dean is good at? Opening wide for John and making those who meet him miserable?

The fax machine starts up then, but no one moves from their stance. Castiel only sighing tiredly before turning to grab whatever it is he had asked this Sarah for.

“We’re going to be doing a Temporary Restraining Order for now,” Castiel says as he moves around to get to the fax machine to retrieve the documents. “Since this is done without notice we’ll have to specify the reasons why the restraining order is necessary for an affidavit,” he turns back to the desk writing whatever it is he has to write before glancing at Dean and Sam who do nothing but stare. “I’ll have to provide written documentation stating why notice to John should not be required. In the affidavit we’ll have to provide enough information explaining how harmful it’d be for Dean if he ever meets with John Winchester before having a hearing from the opposition party,” he pauses, looking at Sam trying to gain his attention. But neither of the brothers are really retaining what he’s saying so he sighs and looks down and keeps filling whatever other information needs to be provided. “There are other details for this but I’ll have Sarah take care of it once this is done.” He looks at Dean, then, his eyes containing something Dean can’t quite make out. “I’ll have the written document done by tonight and sent to the attorney general of the state of Kansas by tomorrow. I’ll still need you to provide me reasons why this is necessary, though, Dean. Do you think you’re up for it?” His tone is so earnest and unbelievably soft it makes something stir in Dean, but Dean doesn’t really pay it much attention as he stares back at him.

Dean shrugs, glancing down as he shifts his weight from foot to foot. “What do you want me to say?”

Castiel clears his throat and moves to the front of the desk, sitting at the edge of it and looking at Dean. He holds a recording tape in one hand which Dean has no idea where he got it from and looks at him with that look still on his face. But before Castiel can even say anything, Sam moves forward, standing between the two of them, defensive.

“This is our first meeting. Our _private_ first meeting, why are you trying to record?”

“Sam this is important, okay? I’d just like to have this, so I can do this without having to make Dean do it.” Castiel says, trying to placate whatever worries Sam has. Yet Sam refuses to back down, shaking his head.

“We haven’t even decided if we’d want you to take the case,” he says, only causing Dean to huffs because that’s a lie. “We haven’t even discussed how we will pay for your service. We have talked about nothing so far, how is this okay?” Sam pauses, running his hands frustratingly through his hair as he starts pacing from side to side. “I mean, I thought this was a good idea, you know? But is this really what Dean needs?” He sniffs, looking up and then stopping in front of Dean, but doesn’t face him. “For God’s sake I haven’t even tried contacting someone to help him get over this shit and you wanna go ahead and act like you know what you’re doing and make him talk like it’s nothing?” Sam looks at Castiel, his body tense as he glares. But Castiel stays put, not saying anything as he lets Sam get everything out of his system, and Dean wants to scream that it isn’t fair because this is his shit to deal with and if there’s anyone who needs to get shit out their system is him. The guilt reaches him as soon as the thought enters his mind because God how many times is he going to be this selfish about this when he was the one that brought this to everyone else? It’s only for them to try to adjust to Dean’s shitty life however they see fit, but something deep in Dean wants to for once be the one to get everything he has bottled up out.

Castiel doesn’t say anything still as Sam continues to vent. “Jesus, I know you think you’re all great at this, but you’re acting as if dealing with something like this is so easy. Do you think it’s not difficult for Dean having to relive all this sick situation just for your amusement?”

“This is hardly for my amusement, Samuel. I’m trying to help Dean,” Castiel says, but doesn’t say anything or make any other move to placate Sam’s sudden agitation. Castiel doesn’t even blink as he watches Sam get ready to attack him at any moment.

“Help how? By making him go through the same hell-”

“Samuel, I’m failing to understand the reason for your denigration with how I do my work.”

Sam stutters as he tries to come up with something to say running his hands through his hair in frustration as he starts pacing again. Dean just keeps his mouth shut watching his brother struggle with his own contradicting behavior. In this moment, all he needs to do is get on with everything and go back to bed and try to forget the day.

“I-I’m trying to do what’s best for Dean,” Sam pauses, sniffing and looking up at Castiel. “I need to get him some help. I-I...shit I just need to save-”

“Samuel, I understand this is difficult for you and while I sympathize, however, in this moment the only thing you can do to help your brother is to stop thinking about what you need to do and start thinking and asking what Dean needs.” Castiel voice is firm as he speaks, his posture rigid and commanding as he looks at Sam. Dean feels his heart do something, but starts panicking all at once. “I will provide information on experts that can help Dean throughout this whole ordeal because contrary to what you might think, Samuel, I do not let my clients deal with something this horrific without the necessary support.” Castiel’s gaze lands on him, then, nodding in acknowledgement as if trying to make sure Dean agrees with this. “I will also be contacting Sarah often to help with whatever else is needed for this, and trust me, there is nobody more qualified than Sarah to help when required,” he stands from where he’s sitting on the edge of the desk and steps forward as he stares between the two of them. “Payment for my services will be dealt with at the end of the case, but I do want to make sure you both know that I will not be accepting any of your money until I win this case.” Not _if_ but _when_. The tone in his voice and the look he sends both their way leaves no room for argument.

Sam stands straight in front of Dean, his head high as he looks down at Castiel, but even Dean can see how if it ever came down to it, his pup would have no chance to stand against Castiel. Such realization leaves him in awe, and if Dean knew any less he would think Castiel was truly the Angel he was named after. No one says anything as his words settle in, the determined look on his face is unlike anything Dean has ever seen and for a brief second, Dean thinks there might be hope. Trying to hold onto the feeling, Dean steps around his brother, taking a step right in front Castiel and looks at him with tears blurring his eyes, but determined as well.

“It was just a matter of time anyway, no?” He chances a glance behind him catching Sam’s gaze for a flitting second before turning back to Castiel. “I’ll uh, do it,” he clears his throat, looking down before moving his gaze to look pass Castiel, for some reason unable to hold the Alpha’s gaze. “I’ll tell you whatever you need,” because he really wants this out and because there’s finally hope and Castiel sounds so sure that he’ll get Dean out of this shitshow and put John behind bars and he just wants it all for right now. He wants to hold onto this feeling while it lasts before it runs out like every other emotion he has experienced so far.

“I just…” Dean looks down, trying to gather himself, “I don’t want Sam or anyone here while I tell you.” Castiel readily agrees, but Dean catches Sam’s hurt in his scent.

“Dean, you need someone here-”

“Mr. Winchester,” Castiel’s voice is harsh as he looks at Sam behind him. “This isn’t up for discussion, your brother has stated his wishes and it would do him well if you were to respect them.” Castiel asserts his dominance for Dean’s sake, trying to make his wishes come true, but Sam is not too inclined to accept them as readily as Castiel is.

“That’s easy for you to say, but he’s my brother! My _mom and dad_ basically, I’m just trying to do the least I can and be there for him.” Sam’s scent carries his anger as he speaks, and Dean can feel how tense he is, but he really doesn’t want to cave in on this because the last thing he needs is for Sam to know his shameful secret.

“Samuel, you seem to speak a lot about what Dean needs, but since I arrived here all I’ve seen is you and everyone else doing what you all need without even asking Dean what _he_ needs.” Dean wants to crawl away as he catches the agitation in his brother’s scent and thanks whatever God is out there that he can’t catch anything from Castiel because he surely wouldn’t be able to handle the combination of two Alphas’ scents in the air. “I understand the difficulty of dealing with this, and like I mentioned, I do sympathize, but my priority right now is helping your brother. You are aware of what I can do, what I am capable of. If you weren’t, you would have never requested my services in the first place.”

Dean moves to the side to stay out of the argument and listens as both Alphas continue it. But it seems like the fight has left Sam’s system and Dean glances just in time to see his brother slump his shoulders in defeat and shame.

“Mr. Milton…”

“If there are any more concerns, Samuel, I’m sure we can resolve them once I’m done with Dean.”

Sam doesn’t meet either of their gazes and nods his head before wiping his face of his tears and walking toward the door.

“I’ll be outside if you need anything, Dean.” Dean doesn’t respond trying to reign his emotions in. He watches Sam leave the office and Castiel move to pull one of the chairs out indicating him to sit. Dean hesitates for a second before complying and taking a seat, his gaze intently on Castiel as the Alpha moves around the desk to take a sit behind it and face Dean. The forgotten tape recorder comes into view again, Castiel setting it on top of the desk and playing _play_ and a little red light comes on.

“Mr. Winchester, as of this moment anything discussed between our sessions will be confidential. You are entitled to these attorney-client privileges: anything you do not wish to have brought up in court or disclosed will stay between us.” Castiel makes a grab for the documents he had abandoned during his argument with Sam and an notepad from his briefcase with a pen. “In case you ever want to have someone in the room during one of our private communications while we are speaking and/or discussing this case know that if you wish for me to not use such information I will respect your decision. However, unless is my second chair, it will be beyond my control to keep whatever person in the room during our discussion from speaking or bringing whatever information you want disclosed during any court hearing,” Castiel catches his eyes then, making sure Dean is listening and understanding everything. “Recordings of any of our private discussions will never reach anyone, but myself,” Castiel pauses then, looking Dean with such soft eyes it eases Dean’s nerves. “I need you to know that these recordings will never leave my possession, Dean. Not even Sarah nor my second chair will hear what we discuss here unless you say otherwise.”

Dean exhales a sigh of relief at that and nods his head in understanding, putting the little trust he has on this complete stranger.

“Okay,” he whispers, his voice small and unsure. Castiel nods and turns to look at the pad in front of him writing the date, Dean’s name and whatever other abbreviated information he thinks is necessary. Dean wipes the sweat off his palms on his slacks, the soft cloth getting wrinkled during the process.

“Very well, first I need you to know that it’s crucial for us to have John Winchester under police custody,” he makes some notes on the paper as he continues to speak. “Perhaps you will be able to obtain an Emergency Order of Protection, however, it’s really just a piece of paper and it is in my opinion similar as a Temporary Restraining order, but the more legal protection the better.” Dean listens intently as Castiel rattles information to him, everything seeming not all confusing as he expected. “For right now, we have to get you to go in person to the police station and press charges. It will put a small strain on our case because people will begin to question why it took you this much time to press charges,” Dean feels his nerves taking over him once again, his fear tainting his scent but he refuses to say anything. Castiel seems to catch it, though as he looks at Dean in understanding and sympathy. “Dean, I do not and will not question why you took whatever time to step forward and do this. I cannot say I know what you are going through but I have no right to question or doubt anything you have to say to me, alright?” The look he sends Dean’s way makes him nod and sniff trying to appease his heart and mind. “I am on your side, anything you do and/or refuse to do I will respect it. But please believe me when I say that I am and will be on your side every step of the way.” Castiel smiles a little and Dean feels like he can breathe a little better.

They move on to other details as Castiel explains how his relationship with Dean will work and how many experts he recommends to Dean will be cover in his case payment. Dean thinks that is a little unusual but decides to not question it as they discuss some potential professionals that could suit Dean well.

“Pamela Barnes is one of the best in her field,” Castiel says as he types away on Ellen’s laptop and pausing once in awhile to write whatever in his notepad. “Sarah will be in touch with her and you to set up an appointment soon,” he turns to Dean then, keeping his eyes trained on him. “I do not wish to make you feel like you are forced to see anyone I recommend, Dean. If you wish to see anyone else outside of the firm’s realms you are welcome to do so.” That makes something in Dean calm down and exhales a little because finally it feels like he finally is able to take charge of his life even if Castiel and this legal thing was thrust into his face.

“Yeah, thanks, Castiel. I uh, think I can give your people a shot,” and the nod of acceptance Castiel sends his way only solidifies Dean’s being and he thinks he can actually do this. Castiel explains everything to Dean, how Sarah can be able to take care of setting up a meeting with Pamela Barnes if Dean so wishes it and God having the option to accept and refuse something feels so liberating Dean feels the prickling sensation behind his eyes as the realization that he could actually be free hits him. So when they finally get to the part where he has to tell Castiel everything, Dean does so with a sense of security that he is finally taking what is rightfully his. Dean Winchester is finally taking the reigns of his life and all he wants to do is cry, but not in sadness or fear or whatever other emotions have made him helpless. No, this time he wants to cry in happiness, breathing in hope that he can finally be free even as Castiel explains how things may become a little rocky during times, Dean holds on to the feeling that everything is alright and that Angels are once again watching over him. Dean tells him everything, since the beginning, how everything started when he was five and it continued up to this day. Castiel never interrupts him or looks at him with pity like Dean is anything less than who he truly is and that only encourages Dean to tell him about the many times John used him. How he had used Mary to guilt Dean into doing everything for him, how he would take Dean’s heats even when Dean had refused so many times. Dean even told him about the times where he just gave up and let John do whatever he pleased and not even once did Castiel looked at him with disgust or anger or pity or made it about anyone but Dean. Dean is grateful. And when it finally comes to talk about his pregnancy, Dean doesn’t hesitate much to tell him his wishes for the pregnancy.

“What about the baby, Dean? I can provide information of organizations that help young single Omega parents-”

“I don’t want it,” Dean’s response is immediate as he looks Castiel straight in his eyes. “I know it sounds horrible especially because I always thought of maybe having my own family, but I don’t want it.” Dean’s chokes on a sob as the tears finally blur his vision. “I don’t want anything that was forced on me. I don’t want anything that can make John have any claim over me. I want…” _to be my own person._ He wants to say it but such revelation is a little too personal for Dean so the words get stuck in his throat. Castiel however looks like he understands and when he looks up at Dean, his eyes hold something Dean wishes he could decipher.

“This is a red state, Dean,” his voice is quiet as he stares at Dean. “It will turn the jury against you if you were to abort the fetus considering most of the time it is composed of traditional Alphas. Religious people if you will.” Castiel pauses, leaning his back against the chair and entwining his hands over his body as he keeps his gaze on Dean. Dean’s nervousness comes back once again as he looks back, his hands fidgeting where they rest on his thighs. “Yet, with all the stress this whole situation is putting you under and your lack of knowledge that excessive vitamin C while pregnant may cause a natural miscarriage, it can perhaps put the jury on our side. After all, what Christians and traditional people empathize more with other than a confused ex-veteran is an abused, desolated Omega who has just lost a child.” Dean’s gasp is soft as he stares at Castiel in disbelief. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to proceed, but he doesn’t have to even think about it before Castiel is pressing _stop_ on the recording tape and making some last annotations on his notepad. “Like I said, Dean, I am here for your benefit only. I will do everything in my power to get whatever you need and see fit.” And Dean believes him and the hope he had cling to only increases and Dean blinks the tears away.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

 

**xXx**

 

It’s seven oh nine p.m. when they finally wrap things up. Castiel shakes Dean’s hand and moves away to reach for the door, giving Dean a moment to process everything that had just happened. Castiel on his part feels desolation about Dean’s whole life so far, but he knows that feeling bad for Dean would only make him feel like Castiel is patronizing him so Castiel had repressed any need to comfort the Omega as the meeting progressed and Dean seemed like he had appreciated it. So as Castiel steps out of the office, he does so with a feeling of accomplishment and serenity despite the situation. He had brought a level of comfort to Dean without patronizing him and so far everything looks like the odds may be in their favor. Castiel wants this done as soon as possible for Dean, he wants him to get the help that he deserves and let this nightmare end because no one truly deserves to go through something like this.

Castiel feels good about this, though, even as he steps out into the main part of the establishment and catches sight of Sam immediately. Castiel sops for a second, seeing Sam notice him, but the young Alpha does nothing but shake his head in shame and turn to his drink.

“I’m just sorry, Mr. Milton,” he hears him say and Castiel wants to move toward him to provide whatever comfort to placate Sam’s concerns. But Sam only turns slightly to wave over his shoulder and wish him a good night. Castiel hesitates for a second, but sees that perhaps he shouldn’t really interfere with anything personal, so he returns the sentiment and walks out of the establishment.

The air against his face feels nice, and Castiel breathes in and the exhaustion takes over him once again and thinks about nothing but going to his hotel room and rest. But he remembers that he still has to take care of the documentation for the restraining order so whatever plans he has of resting leave his mind. He sighs tiredly and doesn’t waste any more time contemplating the cool night before he reaches his vehicle, setting his briefcase on the passenger's seat and starting the car to drives off to his hotel. The ride is quiet and peaceful, the music playing from the radio only serving as background noise as he drives through the mildly busy roads of Lawrence. There’s a voice in his head that keeps reminding him that he needs to call Meg and apologize for today, but he tries to ignore it as much as possible just trying to enjoy the little free time he has for right now. Yet that free time of relaxation doesn't last very long.

Castiel reaches the hotel sooner than he expected, the little quiet, relaxing drive over before he wanted it. A valet takes over the car to park it before the bellboy reaches him to help him with his luggage as Castiel carries his briefcase and walks in to check in. Everything goes smoothly as the receptionist, a young, polite female Beta named Lisa, checks him in and passes him his card key. Castiel sighs in disappointment, hating the odious card keys and praying that perhaps this once it won’t take more than one try to unlock his hotel door.

Thankfully, there are no problems and the door unlocks on the first try. His luggage is carried in by the bellboy, who only pausing for a second for Castiel to tip him before he’s out Castiel’s way. Castiel so used to the hotels and the pretentious decor doesn’t even look around as he sets his briefcase on top of the bedside table and proceeds to walk further in into the bathroom to change out of his suit.

It’s thirty minutes later once Castiel is in more comfortable clothes and starting on the restraining order documents when his cell phone rings. Perhaps Castiel should’ve checked who it is before he picks up, but his movements are thoughtless as he keeps his focus on the documents and laptop before him.

“Castiel Milton, speaking,” Castiel answers as he reads over his notes trying to fill in the information needed onto the forms.

“Brother, it is good to hear your voice again.” The voice makes everything Castiel is doing and thinking halt immediately. His grip on the pen becomes tighter and his pulse spikes all of a sudden.

“Michael, to what do I owe the pleasure?” He asks, his tone more clipped than he intended. Castiel knows that showing anything other than disregard toward his brother is better than letting him in on what Castiel is feeling so he can’t use it against him. But Castiel has been unable to keep his anger and the feeling of betrayal off his voice after everything that had happened with Hael, so more often than not, apart from being disowned by his family privately, Castiel has refused to even interact with them even in public because of it.

Michael chuckles softly, his voice not giving Castiel any hint as to why he may be calling.

“What? Can’t a brother call in to see how-”

“What do you want, Michael?” Castiel refuses to spend any more time than he has to on the phone with any of his family members, especially Michael.

“Oh, Castiel, straight to the point, I see,” Michael says. Castiel refuses to acknowledge the taunting tone as he keeps his gaze on the documents, but not really seeing them. “I just wanted to check in and see if you knew that we will be seeing each other very soon.” Castiel tenses then, not really understanding the reason why Michael says that.

“What do you mean, Michael?” He asks, his never faltering, thank God.

“I will be representing John Winchester in court, is what I’m saying, Castiel,” the tone of voice is mocking, and Castiel feels his heart start beating rapidly against his ribcage. ”It’ll be like a mini family reunion, hm? Mother says she’ll accompany me and Hael to Kansas. Father wishes to see you so I’m sure he’ll also join us.”

Hearing Hael’s name come out of his brother’s mouth makes something ugly stir in Castiel and he feels his heart try to leave his chest.

“Why?” His voice is calm and collected and he feels pride fill him for being able to contain his emotions.

“Why, what Castiel? Can’t you believe we just miss you and wish to see you?” Castiel frowns and wants to hang up but something in him keeps him from doing so.

“Why did you take the case, Michael?” He pauses as he stands from his chair and starts pacing around the room trying to keep the confidence he doesn’t really feel in his voice. “As a matter of fact, why are you bringing Hael with you to see me? Weren’t you the one who demanded we stay away from each other?”

Michael's derisive laugh only makes Castiel grind his teeth. “Brother, please. Hael should be the least of your concerns,” he says, and Castiel wants nothing more than let his anger out and yell at Michael and let him know what Castiel thinks of him, but composure is a better tactic than anything else. Castiel didn’t become the lawyer that he is by angrily demanding respect and submission during court hearings.

“To answer your first question, however, I’ve decided to take it upon me to help an ex-veteran who fought for this country. Surely a small mistake shouldn’t taint his image.” Castiel shakes his head in disbelief hearing Michael speak.

“He raped his own son, Michael. Abused him since he was _five years old_ -”

“Allegedly.”

“He's  _pregnant_ , Michael.”

Michael hums as if in contemplation, but Castiel knows better than to take that as anything but dismissive. “We’re not sure my client is the father.”

“This is a lost case, Michael. Why would you take it?” Other than to spite Castiel, of course.

“It’s only a lost case to you, Castiel.” The smug tone makes Castiel grit his teeth, clenching his hand hard, his nail digging into his palms and knuckles turning white.

“You’re not going to win, brother.”

“Funny you say that, Castiel. Last time you said that Hael ended up marrying me a month later.” Castiel recoils like he has been punched in the face. He feels the prickling feeling behind his eyes as he tries to breathe in and calm himself.

“Dean’s an innocent kid, Michael. He only wants-”

“Nothing matters, Castiel. I took the case and I’m ready to win it,” there’s a pause as he hears a glass cling on the other side. Castiel clenches his eyes shut, trying to prevent the tears from falling. “Anyway, my wife awaits me, Castiel. I’m sorry I have to let you go so soon, but we’ll see each other again, brother.” Castiel’s legs are shaking but he swallows whatever response he has. “Take care of yourself, Castiel. You’ve been working too much, don’t want to have another Omega leave you.” The fake concern does it for him, so Castiel disconnects the call without a word, his weight falling back on the chair he had been sitting while he was working and looks down in defeat. What is he going to do now? The hollow feeling he had been trying to suppress since Michael and Hael’s wedding only increases, making his inside hurt badly. He looks around the room, taking in everything, but not really paying attention. All he wants is to break everything in sight, but he refrains from doing so. This is an easy win, Castiel has it all planned out. The fact that Michael is representing John Winchester changes nothing and Castiel knows his brother well enough to know his tactics.

Taking no pause to contemplate the fact that Michael may know Castiel just as well and he knows him, Castiel turns back to his work, not wasting more time on his past trying to return and take over his present. Castiel promised Dean, whether indirectly that he would do anything to help him and that’s exactly what he’s going to do. Screw Michale and Hael and his mother, they can all go to hell for all Castiel cares. And with that in mind, Castiel ignores his exhaustion once again, and dives himself in work this time to prove to Michael that he will not take something from Castiel ever again. No matter what Michael thinks, Dean deserves to be saved and Castiel is going to do it whether the Milton clan decides to turn on him once again and finally disown him publically. It doesn’t _fucking matter_ to Castiel, Dean Winchester has Castiel on his side and they will win and he will have the satisfaction of letting Michael and Hael and basically his whole family behind and finally forget. Because that's all he truly wants, is to forget and if he gets to help someone while it happens then so be it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me? I know I've been neglecting the story but omg I just. This story is really fucking w me and ugh. It doesn't matter, I sound annoying at this point so I'm sorry guys.
> 
> Anyway, the court part is coming soon and like I'm not a law student so I'm sure there's gonna be a lot of wrong info. I'm gonna have to start watching HTGAWM soon again. :/

* * *

 

Ellen’s bar is silent, dark and empty except for the young Alpha sitting by himself at the bar, nursing a glass of whatever alcohol, looking distraught. Dean watches his brother down the glass in one setting, bringing the glass down just to fill it up again. The silence feels too oppressive, Sam’s scent of despair permeating the air heavily as he keeps drinking and drinking and drinking. The darkness is also too much, too eerie for Dean’s liking, the only light coming from the little glass window of the kitchen door where all the lights are still on is the only thing keeping the bar from complete darkness. He watches his brother, not really doing much or feeling much. It’s weird, really. Dean Winchester keeps finding himself in a state where he wants to drown all that he feels at times, but in moments like this, where he ought to show and feel something, all emotions seem to leave him.

Jesus, he had been so relieved and hopeful just moments before leaving Ellen’s office he thought he was going to burst. But now, as he watches his brother drown himself in alcohol, he can’t do anything but stare and feel numb. So many feelings and emotions, and yet they’re still not enough and too much at the same time. It’s confusing and fake profound but that’s all he totally thinks himself of being.

Sam slumps on the bar, head nestled in his arms as he cries silently, unaware of Dean’s presence and all Dean can do is stare. He’s confused, exhausted and empty and all he wants to do is go upstairs and sleep the rest of the night off. The need to run away and disappear still too present but Sam’s sobs are getting louder as the seconds pass and finally the guilt overtakes him.

God, is Dean a selfish fuck up.

He closes the office’s door quietly, making his way to Sam and trying to clear his scent to be able to comfort his pup. Sam is so lost in his crying that he doesn’t even notice Dean approaching him and Dean feels even worse for even considering leaving his little brother alone in this state. Pausing for a second, he softly lays his hand on his brother’s back as to not startle him, but Sam still jumps in surprise, tensing once he catches Dean’s scent. There’s a brief moment of hesitation as they both glance at each other before Sammy looks away. It breaks Dean’s heart, makes the shame come back all at once, the desperate need to erase everything from his brother’s memories so they can be okay again too present to ignore, the distraught feelings taking over his scent. Sammy inhales, obviously being able to tell but the only thing he does is shake his head and keep avoiding Dean’s gaze.

Dean wishes now that he could be able to go back in time and have never told Ellen anything. He desperately wishes he hadn’t been weak enough to break and bring all these bullshit down on his family.

“I’m sorry, Dean but I can’t,” Sam whispers, bringing him back to reality. “I know that I’m supposed to be Alpha enough and take care of you but -”

“Sammy, don’t. Just please don’t, okay?” Pathetic is all Dean is. He’s the one who’s supposed to take care of Sammy; he’s the one who’s supposed to protect his pup from all this. But Dean is nothing but a burden; a hole for John to use and abuse whenever he pleased. Why did he think that all of a sudden now he could change who he is just because some stranger thinks Dean deserves to be saved -

“I know Mr. Milton is right, you know? I mean, he’s so damn good, Dean. I just want the best for you.” Sam sniffles, trying to wipe the snot with the back of his hand, “but I just can’t help but feel responsible for this.” Sam shakes his head, looking down at his glass in his hand, swirling the amber liquor in it around. “I went to this school event and I got to meet him. I was so excited and oblivious to everything,” Sam says, letting out a mirthless laugh. Dean’s chest hurts because that’s how it was supposed to stay. He was supposed to keep Sam from ever feeling responsible for the fuck up Dean turn out to be.

“It was only five days ago, and I was so damn stupid.” Sam laughs again, the tears now falling even faster. Dean wants to do something - anything to make the pain go away. “I was so stupid, standing there excited to meet him, and ending up just talking about you. And yet, I didn’t even - dammit!” Dean moves forward, reaching for his pup to bring him in close to scent Dean. He so desperately wants to comfort him, but Sam recoils, his face contorts into what Dean assumes is disgust, shakes his head and moves away. The action only breaking Dean’s heart all over again. His pup just rejected him. Sam sobs and desperately turns his head away from Dean, inhaling and exhaling air, his sobs rocking his whole body.

“Sammy, I’m sorry - “

“I can’t, Dean. I can’t. All I smell on you is him and God, I can’t.” Sam stands from the stool and quickly leaves the room, disappearing up the stairs, leaving Dean to his own misery. Dean feels the never-ending tears fall down his face as he silently cries, his heart hurting like never before and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s so stupid to think he could actually get through this. Dean is so stupid.

He moves to sit on one of the stools, trying to gain any kind of composure, once again wishing he could go numb for real this time.

The light coming from the window is dimming, the Sun disappearing into the sky and he wants nothing than to disappear as well. The time passes, Dean feeling the despair inside him as he keeps his gaze on the bar, the tears finally subsiding, yet the emptiness remains. He sits in the darkness, thinking about nothing at all as time passes him by. Dean doesn’t move, feeling worse and worse, feeling the rejection of Sammy deep in his being not knowing how to fix everything. He doesn’t know how much time passes him when he feels someone behind him. There’s a moment where he tenses before the main lights turn on and the soft steps follow and he’s able to take in Jo’s scent.

Dean at this point doesn’t know what to expect, what to do really, so he remains still, only exhaling and keeping his gaze down. Jo walks around the bar, moving behind it before reaching for a clean shot glass and a small rag to clean the spills Sammy had left behind. She doesn’t say anything as she moves, taking the glass Sam had been using and relocating it somewhere behind her on one of the shelves. Jo keeps moving around, doing whatever behind the bar not really glancing at Dean for awhile before finally sighing, taking a bottle of Vodka and pouring it into the shot glass. She pauses momentarily, before taking it and shooting it all at once. She sighs once she brings the glass back down and laughs a little, sounding a little hysterical.

“I don’t think shooting a shot of Vodka is impressive but I really can’t swallow straight whiskey or bourbon or scotch or whatever other _manly_ shit there is.” She pours herself another one before drowning that too and laughing again, the laugh a little shaky this time. Dean doesn’t acknowledge it, and keeps his gaze down, but keeps his attention on her. There’s a long pause, their breathing the only thing Dean can catch. But Jo starts moving again, this time a little uncoordinated and rapid.

“In college parties, it’s such a big deal to know how to handle your liquor, but Dean!” Dean looks up, catching the fake smile on her face, eyes welled with unshed tears as she tries to keep the facade of happiness and oblivion. “I worked here since I was twelve and I don’t even know how to keep the shit in.” The sudden mood is so unexpected it gives him whiplash, but he doesn’t try to change the conversation and rather sits there, taking her in, trying to figure out what’s going on. “I mean, I know anything there is to know about tending a bar, you know? I know everything there is to know about alcohol but I don’t, for the life of me, know how to handle my liquor. Seriously, people at school would be impressed whenever they found out I worked in a bar and know all these useless information but be completely disappointed when I didn’t drink more than a couple cups of Vodka and stir away from Hennesy.” Jo laughs again, but it’s cracking as she keeps forcing it out. “And I stand there feeling - feeling - I don’t even know, but I’m just sorry, you know?”

Dean sighs, watching her tears fall, seeing her meet his gaze, the smile still in place.

“Jo.”

“I mean, it’s like, yeah, I’m sorry I disappointed you! But I don’t know how to handle it!” She laughs again, this time she throws her head back, trying to keep the tears in. “I’m sorry I suck and don’t know what to do! Sorry I’m not what you thought I was,” she’s sobbing, but she tries to keep the smile in place still and it’s so painful for Dean to watch he doesn’t know what to do and he’s so _fucking_ tired of _not_ _knowing_.

“Jo, listen to me -”

“No, really, Dean! It’s like the disappointment on their faces. Here I was thinking that I knew everything I needed to know, but I didn’t and now I’m trying to ignore it because I don’t know how to handle it -”

“I’m aborting the baby!” He blurts out, trying to stop the scene in front of him. Desperately wanting the confusing moment to end and bring Jo back from wherever it is her mind wander off to. “Castiel said, or rather implied that could use the excuse that I was too stressed and taking Vitamin C that it lead to a miscarriage.” He pauses, looking away. There’s a long pause once again until suddenly Jo starts laughing.

Dean is so confused as he returns his gaze to her, watching her shoulders move, her face covered in tears, and the smile on her face completely scaring him. He wants to stand from the stool and move toward her and comfort her, but Sammy’s rejection earlier makes him hesitate. Jo, however, doesn’t seem upset about not being comforted as she stares at him, her sobs loud and painful.

“You’re gonna handle it!” She laughs again, until finally she turns away and starts sobbing for real, her face sad, cheeks red and swollen Dean want to cry with her, yet all he does is stare. “I want to make it go away, Dean. I want it to make it go away, but I don’t know how to do it.” Jo sobs again, looking over her shoulder at him, meeting his gaze, her eyes holding sadness and pain. “I want to help but I - But you’re smart!” Her eyes are glassy as she takes him in. “You know how hard it is to live in today’s society as an Omega? And here you are doing all of this -” She moves closer, taking one of Dean’s hands in hers, holding his gaze. “I have read so much shit about rape victims coming forward and I’m so tired of it, Dean,” she says, her voice quiet.

Dean shifts in his seat, trying to find some sort of solace in her words.

“I mean, I thought about it constantly, you know? Read it and thought ‘ah, how sad, poor them’ but it’s nothing until it happens to you or someone close to you. You just become so desensitized you only spare the situations a fleeting thought until it’s someone you care about, and even then, you just don’t know how to process it.” She moves closer, wrapping her free hand around his neck trying to bring him in and Dean doesn’t know what he feels, but he lets himself bask in it as he scents Jo. “I know that I can’t do anything to make it go away, Dean and I’m so sorry for that,” she pauses, tightening her hold on him. Dean sobs, crying again and laughing probably going insane with everything that is happening. “But just know that I’m going to be there and see you kick it in the ass.” Her voice is completely serious, determined and Dean finally wraps his own arms around her holding her close and scenting her, wishing the moment would last forever.

“You think I can do this? Jo, I’ve seen the shit a lot of those Omegas go through, the things people say about them -”

“No, listen to me.” Jo hisses, her tears falling freely still, moving back a little to look him in the eyes again. Dean feels relief at the look on her face, thinking that he found something he needed in the person he least expected it. “You, Dean Winchester, are going to do this, you hear?” Her eyes remain on his face, scenting and smiling a little. “You have everything in you to get through this, Dean, I know you do.” She hides her face in the crook of his neck and there’s nothing that solidifies everything all over again then the action and her words.

“I’ve seen you take care of Sam, of me too and there is no one like you, Dean,” she murmurs, her voice breathless as she chuckles. “Jesus, Dean, if there is someone who can pull through, is you, you and Castiel Milton. But also know this,” she moves up to his ear, pulling him closer to her, making Dean scent her and draw some stability from her. Dean wants nothing but to hide with her forever. “You have a real hardass on your side. Castiel may not seem like much in person but in court? The dude will bite heads off.” Jo smiles, trying to reign her emotions in and let Dean know he’ll get through this. “And every step of the way, I don’t know what may happen, big brother -”  Dean sobs, feeling overwhelmed with the moment - “but I’m gonna be there with you every moment and every step of the way.”

Dean doesn’t say anything, and perhaps that’s what Jo wanted to let him know - that he didn’t need to worry about not doing, or saying anything at all that he didn’t need to deal with everything alone and for the second time that day, his hope is restored. He found solace in two people he didn’t expect and Dean has never felt more at peace and reckless at the same time.

The morning after, Dean doesn’t waste more time, and at seven in the morning sharp, he’s out of bed and ready to take action.

He meets Jo at the entrance, not sparing anyone else a glance as they leave The Roadhouse to make their way to the police station, ignoring the Impala and moving to Jo’s old beat up truck to get there. When they get there and fill out the information and do whatever they need to do, it only makes Dean feel relief as he looks up the sky, before turning to look at Jo, finally letting a real smile play on his lips. And when the afternoon comes as they’re grabbing lunch in one of their old favorite places, Dean and Jo get a call from Sheriff Jody Mills and there’s nothing but relief when he hears the words through the phone:

John Winchester has been arrested and is awaiting trial.

Jo stares and smiles, the tears noticeable, but Dean can’t do anything but laugh and finally let the rest run its course. Let Castiel handle it like he said he would and just because he’s truly feeling it, he orders a whole cherry pie for the two of them and Dean refuses to leave until they finish it all completely. It turns out to be the best day of his life so far.

 

**xXx**

 

Castiel calls Meg the Monday of the following week, the paperwork for the Winchester case already done and over with and filed in. The information for their first court hearing already coming in the next day and Castiel feels nothing but the relief once everything he had asked Dean is done. He had received a call from Dean Saturday, the day after the consultation, letting him know that he had finally done it and John Winchester is finally behind bars and it’s now up to Castiel to “work his magic.” The elation he hears in Dean’s voice makes Castiel feel content and happy for him, and he doesn’t even think about his impending meeting with his family while they discuss their next step.

There’s no mention of Sam or anything, but Castiel doesn’t ask about him either way, trying to let Dean enjoy the moment of it all. But Castiel knows there are still other difficult things to do, so he moves right to it. The first thing on their list is a paternity test because after his conversation with Michael it has become a priority to have proof that John is the father of the fetus and have no loopholes for Michael to use to his advantage. So Castiel had asked the invasive question: how far along is Dean in his pregnancy?

“I find out Tuesday, the day after my doctor’s appointment. I was just doing a regular checkup because I know John has been with other people -”

“Wait, how often did you have these regular tests?”

“Uh… when I was the only one John had,” Dean had coughed, trying to keep talking and for a second Castiel had felt bad for asking but it was necessary so he waited. “I’d get them done every six months, you know? The normal time I think?” Castiel had reassured him and asked him since when he had been doing the tests. “Since I was fourteen. I would go to one of the clinics in the next town over.” Castiel had thanked Dean and asked for the clinic’s information. It would be important to bring the general doctor in to testify for Dean and help their case. After that Dean had finally answered his first question.

“The nurse lady said I was nine weeks in.”

“Okay, Dean this is terrible to say for your current state but everything is working in our favor. We’ll need a paternity test, rape kits and everything else to prove every single one of our claims are true.” He had heard Dean sigh shakily, making Castiel feel like the worse asshole ever. “I know, okay? And I am truly sorry, Dean but this is necessary.” Dean hadn’t said anything, so Castiel continued. “There’s this paternity test - Non-Invasive Prenatal Paternity test. Dean, we’ll only need a sample of the fetus’ DNA in your bloodstream and a sample of John’s blood and we’ll know, alright? It's nothing too bad, I promise you.” Castiel had held his breath in and waited for a response.

“You promise it won’t be too bad?” Dean’s voice had been small and vulnerable and Castiel felt his heart break into a million pieces.

“Dean, I promise you, I will help you and do anything in my power to make everything as easy as possible for you. I’ll take good care of you, okay?” He heard sniffling on the other side, his insides churning with the need to comfort the young Omega. “Dean, listen to me, please. I’ll do everything for you to get justice. I promise you, you’ll get through this.” Dean had chuckled softly, making the oppressive desolation ease in him a little.

“Okay, Castiel. I, um, I trust you.” And Castiel hadn’t felt more accomplished in so long than in that moment. They talked about the rape kits, Castiel the whole while assuring Dean that he would have the best professionals at his disposition and there wouldn’t be anything done on him that Dean wouldn’t allow. Dean had thanked him profusely, his good mood in his voice returning, and Castiel once again felt relieved about it.

“I guess you’re truly the Angel you were named after, huh? Thank you for everything.” Castiel hadn’t known what to say, so he had taken too long to respond. Dean didn’t seem to notice and rather ended the call with a “Bye Cas.”

He had waited a long time to finally bring his phone down, the feeling of accomplishment intensifying and it had been the only thing keeping him from thinking about the problems in his life.

So the that Monday, rather than dwelling on the dreaded event of meeting with Michael and Hael, he lets the sudden good mood Dean had been in washover him and encourage him to finally stop prolonging his call to Meg and do what he needs to do. The phone rings and rings until it finally takes him to voicemail. Castiel’s good mood doesn’t deter, however, so he hangs up and tries again. It’s a long moment before he finally hears Meg’s voice.

“Oh, so he remembers he has responsibilities,” is Meg’s greeting, only lessening his good mood a little but not completely. He sighs and closes his eyes, letting the Sun rays hit his skin as he sits in a chair outside in the suite’s balcony.

“Meg, sweetheart, please. I don’t want to fight.”

“Who says I do? You make it sound as if I live to torment you, Castiel.” He catches the accusatory tone in her voice, the upset as well and once again, he feels the guilt take over him. So much for enjoying his mood.

“Meg, sweetheart-” He pauses, unable to say anything. What could he possibly say to make things better? Castiel had promised her his time and attention weeks ago, had asked her to take time off work to enjoy some quality time together, yet the first thing he does when it’s time to be with her is bury himself in work again.

The other end of the line is quiet, only Meg’s soft breath coming through the phone as she waits. Finally, it seems she can’t take his silence and begins again, sighing.

“I’m trying to help you, Clarence. You do know that right?” Her voice is quiet, soft and it only serves to make Castiel feel even more of an asshole. “I mean, yeah, I can be a bitch at times but it’s just me doing what I think I deserve. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to come off as an entitled bitch either,” she says, this time her voice a little amused. Castiel smiles because this is good, this is a sign that they’re okay. “But I’m also not stupid, Clarence and I know the only reason why you’re not here with me is that you still somewhat hold hope for Hael-”

“No, Meg - No. Sweetheart, I swear-”

“Clarence, I’ve known you for years-”

“It doesn’t seem like it when you continuously bring Hael up every time we fight!” The response comes out harsher than he intended and he immediately feels annoyed and desolated. Meg stays silent, letting him gather himself up. “Meg, I’m sorry - I’m just stressed and us fighting over -” He halts, taking deep breaths in to collect himself. But his avoidance to say Hael’s name out loud is a sure giveaway.

“You can’t even say her name,” is Meg’s response. The way she says it makes his chest tighten because the last thing he ever wanted was to make her feel bad.

“Meg, I’m sorry.” His voice is breathless, the pleasure of being outside in the sun diminishing completely, now only making him feel exposed. There’s an ache between his eyes, a prickling sensation behind them and he closes them, trying to keep the tears from blurring his vision.

“I told you, Clarence, that getting together was a bad idea,” Meg says, her voice soothing. Castiel can’t believe his luck at having her in his life. “Clarence, Hael meant a lot to you, and sure she’s a conniving bitch for what she did,” she pauses, breathing in. “But it doesn’t erase the fact that you love-”

“No, don’t say it. I don’t - Not anymore, Sweetheart.” The words fall from his mouth, but he knows they hold no truth. He stands from his seat, his legs shaking, hands tightening with his desperate need to keep himself from breaking. “I need you to believe that I don’t - that I don’t feel anything anymore so I can believe it too.” His voice cracks towards the end, his heart constricting in his chest. “Meg, I -” he pauses, trying to draw some strength from somewhere. “Michael called,” he finally says, feeling his insides churning. He makes it to the bed, falling on his back, breathing in deep.

Meg curses on the other line, already trying to calm him down.

“Clarence, listen. Whatever he said - it’s not worth it. Don’t believe anything he says-” the words come all in the desperate attempt to make him feel better. But all he can do is shake his head because that’s not truly what has him on edge.

“He’s taking my case, Sweetheart,” he interrupts, letting out a shaky sigh. “Michael sounded so sure as he talked it made me - Meg I’m so _pathetic_.”

“No, Clarence. You’re not going to call me and throw back the shit your fucking family throws at you. You’re nothing that they say you are, do you hear? So stop throwing yourself a pity party.” The tone of her voice leaves no room for argument and despite how he feels Castiel lets a small smile play on his lips. But he has to tell her that it’s not only that. He needs to let her know that the call isn’t the only thing that is making him feel like this.

“It’s not just that, Meg,” he takes another breath, needing to have his nerves under control. “Sure, I’m worried about the case and thinking about how this could affect Dean,” he brings his free hand up to his face to rub his fingers against his eyes harshly, wanting to stop his tears from falling.

“You're worried about seeing him in court?”

He laughs, but it’s derisive and mirthless and he wonders what he is expecting by telling Meg this. If only that was the only thing keeping him on the brink of breaking down, he thinks.

“No. This case is an easy win I'm not worried about that,” he stops for a second, thinking about Meg and what she is doing. Castiel so wishes he could be with her right now and draw from her all the comfort and strength she always seems to carry for him. “‘A small family reunion’ is what he called it,” he laughs again, this time the tears falling. “Hael’s coming with him.”

“Ooh, that sneaky little bitch!” Is Meg’s answer and Castiel wants to laugh. If only the pain he is feeling wasn’t too constricting. He can scent the desolation in his own scent, perfectly letting him know how much the situation is going to affect him.

“I swear to God, I’m going to mop the fucking floor with her. That _bitch!”_

Castiel turns his back to the door, looking out the balcony where he had felt so good not even five minutes ago, wishing he could really ignore the pain.

“Meg, Sweetheart-”

“Don’t even, Clarence. I’m booking a flight to Kansas right now.”

God Castiel doesn’t know what to say but his heart is soaring with relief and happiness at hearing her decision.

“Don’t you worry, Alpha,” her voice is playful but full of affection it makes him feel serene. “I’m gonna take good care of you.” And this time he doesn’t fight it. Inhaling deeply, he sobs, curling into himself, holding the phone to his ear and feeling terribly pathetic, yet so grateful. He thanks her, talking but not really paying attention to his words, not knowing what he’s really saying, only unburdening himself.

“You’re so lucky you’re a fucking unicorn, Clarence. God help me, I’m fucked.”

Jesus, does he love this woman with her crass attitude and weird references. Castiel honestly doesn’t know what he would do without her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing and "editing" instead of sleeping because I feel bad for not updating.
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy this chapter. It made me cry while writing it for various reasons. Let me know what yall think. Honest opinions :)
> 
> Again, thank you to all of those still sticking with this story, yall have no idea how much it means to me. All my love goes out to yall. <3
> 
> xo

* * *

 

It’s Thursday afternoon and the day looks like any other to anyone else. But to Castiel, it looks like his day might be turning sideways fairly soon. Perhaps he’d be more worried about seeing his Mother, Michael, and Hael (his Father having gotten called to New York for business), but knowing that Meg is landing today as well appeases some of his worries. He has dreaded today, but after receiving the documentation for the first court date, and apparently, John Winchester officially hiring Michael as his defense lawyer, he knew this day was going to happen a lot sooner than later. There was a lot of trepidation for this new case to begin officially, yet he knows that the feeling should not be there in the first place. Castiel has repeated the same mantra again and again since his last phone call with Michael: he is going to win this case because there is too much evidence to even think about absolving Winchester without the court being complicit in the abuse of Omegas. This case goes wrong, the whole state of Kansas might gain a reputation that may not be at their convenience, Castiel knows this. But there’s still a nagging feeling for the reason as to why his brother, the brother who has been one to never like to lose, would take this case knowing full well it wouldn’t end well for him.

Castiel sighs, looking down at his watch as the thought runs through his head. He’s been here for almost an hour and he still hasn’t gotten a response from Meg, meaning she’s still on the airplane and hasn’t boarded off. This thought only increases his anxiety because Meg’s flight is supposed to land an hour before his family’s and if Castiel doesn’t have her to at least help him take the blow of his family and seeing Hael, Castiel doesn’t think he’ll be able to function.

He chuckles, the self-deprecation present in it, smearing all over his scent as well. Castiel’s a coward and he thinks that really, there was no wonder why Hael even left him. He’s a pathetic excuse for an Alpha.

The overhead monitors are announcing flights and whatever else, but all Castiel does is pace around as he waits. For his family or for Meg, praying his Omega is the first one to greet him. He spends the next half hour worrying about it and the nervousness keeps growing inside him, the distress scent he’s carrying only drawing unwanted attention from strangers as they pass him by.

It’s only fifteen minutes later when Castiel meets his bad fate as he suddenly takes notice of Hael in the sea of people. His breath hitches in his throat, his hands turning into fists, the beating of his heart increasing rapidly as he takes the sight of her after almost a year since the last time he’d seen her at her wedding. Despite his efforts, he feels his heart skip a beat of some emotion at seeing her, feels the nervousness taint his scent even more and all he wants to do is run away when their eyes meet.

Castiel tries to empty his mind from thinking of Hael as anything but Michael’s wife, yet even as he notices his brother walking next to her, all Castiel can do is take her in. And God forgives him, but he thinks she’s still as beautiful as the first day he had seen her. He drinks the sight of her in an impeccable black floral, long sleeve, sheer dress, black heels to match with her hair down in waves. Castiel wants to look away, wants to tear his eyes away, but is unable to.

He takes notice of the mating mark on her neck, the way his heart feels at the sight, though it’s painful, it’s not unbearable, but seeing the blue pendant decorating her neck does make his heart stop. It’s the necklace Castiel had given her a few weeks after they had met. He had thought it would look beautiful on Hael, and seeing it now makes the painful memories flash before his eyes.

“Castiel, brother. Aren’t we glad to see you,” Michael states as soon as they reach him, his Mother following the couple, yet Castiel’s gaze refuses to leave Hael.

“Castiel, darling. It’s wonderful to see you again,” Naomi moves forward, wrapping her arms around him but there’s not genuine warm in her embrace. Castiel still tries to find some comfort in it as he finally takes his eyes off Hael.

“Mother, it’s a pleasure to see you as well,” he responds, no real emotion behind the words. Their greetings are for show, for people to believe that they’re well and okay, and Castiel knows that if his Mother’s being as affectionate as she is now is because there’s someone lingering around capturing their reunion.

“I can’t believe you would agree to this,” he whispers to her ear once he envelopes her in return, desperately trying to mask the betrayal in his scent. Naomi, however, pulls away, her smile forced as she pats Castiel’s cheek softly.

“Don’t try me, Castiel.”

“Castiel, it’s nice to see you,” Hael’s soft voice carries over, her arms capturing his form and Castiel wants to run away, or pull away and demand why she is doing this. But all he can do is wrap his arms around her, his gaze falling on his brother as he looks at them both, his gaze burning with something but there’s also a ruthless smile when their gazes meet.

Castiel pulls away first, nodding his head in acknowledgment, his face hurting due to the effort of keeping the smile on his face.

“You as well, Hael. You look well.” The words leave a bitter taste in his mouth, but there’s not much he can do but swallow his hurt - needing to keep his emotions in check so his scent can’t betray him.

“It’s very kind of you to come to the airport to welcome us, Castiel. Very thoughtful,” Naomi says, the look she sends Hael’s way is difficult to read but it makes Hael return to Michael’s side.

“Of course, Mother.” Castiel nods his head, the smile becoming harder to remain on his face. People keep moving past them, some with a suspicious kind of recognition like they suspect who they are but refuse to approach them, so they keep pretense just in case. Naomi has always been a good judge when it came to knowing when they needed to keep up the facade of the caring family. Castiel wants to vomit - run away from the fakeness.

“It’s great to know you’re doing well, Castiel,” Michael interrupts, resting a hand on Castiel’s shoulders. Castiel tenses at the touch, gravely wanting the contact to end. “But last time I heard you were taking some time off to spend with your Omega.”

The comment is meant to hurt Castiel, to get some sort of reaction and he knows it, so rather than taking the bait, Castiel shrugs his shoulder subtly, shaking Michael’s hand off before looking at Hael for a second, finally setting his eyes on his brother.

“You seem to keep up with me a lot, Michael. Can’t say I'm surprised,” Castiel’s tone is mocking, his smile also sarcastic and the way Michael’s smug look falls slightly lets Castiel know he has gotten Michael. “But to answer your not so subtle question,” Michael’s eyes are burning and his scent is betraying him, Castiel feeling some sort of satisfaction because of it. “Meg is arriving today as well, but I’m assuming her flight must’ve been delayed since she was supposed to be here an hour before you all.”

“Planned to leave us stranded, then, brother?”

“Can’t say I didn’t think about it.”

Naomi’s laugh rings then, her eyes harsh when Castiel turns to look her way.

“Castiel, please. We all know you wouldn’t choose some Omega over your family. Very silly to even say,” he knows she’s grinding her teeth, the hand that takes a hold of his arm is squeezing hard: a warning.

“Well, Mother, I did make reservations for an early dinner at four, and seeing as it’s past five, I would say you were in luck to even catch us.” The grip on his arm is becoming painful, but Naomi’s smile doesn’t deter.

“You are hilarious, Castiel. All that time spent with Gabriel gave you a horrible sense of humor.”

“I’m not trying to be funny, Mother.” There’s a challenge in his tone, wanting Naomi to break and Castiel thinks she’s going to for a second when he catches the fleeting anger in her eyes before she pulls away and turns to face Michael.

“Michael, I’m assuming you called a cab for us, then?”

Hael’s gaze is intense when Castiel catches it, her pale blue eyes are something to behold, but the gratifying feeling they once made Castiel feel has diminished somewhat and there’s nothing but relief at the realization. Yet he can’t tear his eyes away because she still holds part of him, maybe his Alpha pride, no matter how much he hates to admit it. But there’s also something in her gaze, something that Castiel has not seen and he wants to know what it is. Hael is still as beautiful as the first day, but the flashing of expensive jewelry and other accessories have decreased greatly and he wonders -

“Well, look at this! Just when you think life’s giving you a break it comes right back to smack you in the face,” Meg’s loud greeting startles all of them, Castiel turning in her direction with a genuine smile on his face. “Look at you, Alpha. Handsome as always,” Meg says, making her way towards them, carrying her luggage behind her. The relief in his being is more than noticeable, thanking God she’s finally here. His beautiful Omega is here to help take the blow of having to deal with his family and not for the first time does Castiel wonder why he had refused to harbor the crush he had once had on her.

Meg has always been there for Castiel since they met in college. They had shared some classes throughout their college years and had become inseparable after their first year of meeting. Castiel had developed a massive infatuation with Meg, but back then Meg had been smitten by some nameless Alpha who had turned to be nothing but trouble. Castiel had been there to pick up the pieces when the asshole had run off, leaving Meg heartbroken. He hadn’t noticed how his feelings had shifted, or rather suppressed them, during the time he spent taking care of her but sometime in the second year of their friendship, he realized his feelings were more familial than romantic and Castiel thought they had moved past that stage of ‘liking your best friend’.

They had talked greatly about their upcoming marriage, setting boundaries and rules. Castiel, in the beginning, believed that pursuing a relationship with Meg might help him get over Hael seeing as he had once had genuinely liked Meg, which had been the reason, no matter how much he tries to deny it, for the sudden and very public, spur of the moment marriage proposal. After Meg had accepted, however, he had soon realized his toxic and selfish idea and he had profusely apologized as soon as they had had some alone time. Meg had shrugged dismissively and told him she had known the reason behind it. He had tried to give her a way out but she had told him that if he was in she would be too seeing as she didn’t ever see herself getting married. Meg had even come up with logical explanations how their union could perhaps help their carriers. She had even joked how this would facilitate her access to Castiel’s money without having to hear the sneering comments from his family. Castiel had hesitated but the selfishness he still possessed had let him to stayed. The humiliation had also swayed his decision to pursue their relations and if this could help Meg he didn’t think anything wrong could happen.

Seeing her now, Castiel notices the new nude pink blouse, and white slacks with red bottom shoes to match the blouse, no doubt in his mind there are more new clothes, shoes, and other accessories in the Louis suitcase, and the Louis bag. He automatically knows his bank account was the one to take the blow of Meg’s anger. His smile widens when she reaches him, the mirth in her eyes made his heart swell when he notices Meg catching his understanding. He raises an eyebrow at her, grateful that their fight is past them.

“Hello, Sweetheart,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around her, taking in the scent of her, enjoying the way it appeases him.

“I’d ask if you missed me but I already know you did,” she replies as she pulls away, not waiting for a response to pull and kiss him. Castiel cradles her cheek, sighing contently and grateful, knowing Meg is putting up a show for his family to witness. He can’t deny, however how incredibly nice and soft her lips feel.

Naomi clears her throat, drawing their attention which only serves to make Meg roll her eyes before facing them.

“Naomi, wow! You look different! Where’s the hubby? No show again?” Castiel moves to take a hold of her luggage, a startled laugh leaving his mouth when he hears her.

“Sweetheart, please. A little too loud,” Castiel says, but the smile on his face lets Meg know he’s not serious.

“We can say the same about you, Margaret. Seeing as you had to follow Castiel here,” is Hael who responds, her gaze filled with malice, the smile on her face is mocking and rude and Castiel can’t believe she was able to play him for so long. Well, perhaps he can.

“Correction, Hael,” Meg turns to Hael, her eyes carrying her displeasure. “I’m here because I was invited to be here, you know? Fancy hotels, new places to explore, new things to see, new things to buy…. Hot sex to have,” Naomi lets out a noise Castiel is not sure she actually could make, her eyes widening at Meg’s “scandalous” comment before turning to face them.

“Castiel, for God’s sake how are you going to let her talk-”

“Naomi, please don’t even. Clarence knows well enough how to handle me, right Alpha?” Her smile is playful, looking at Castiel through her lashes, her voice lowering and Castiel can’t refrain his chuckle.

“Of course, Sweetheart.” The spark in Meg’s eyes is amusing, and Castiel can’t do anything but enjoy it.

“All material things can certainly be an incentive, for sure,” Michael says behind them, drawing Meg’s attention.

“Not that is any of your business, Michael, but I can assure Clarence has more than money as an incentive to draw a girl out. Right, Hael?” Meg’s last comment makes Castiel halt completely, not knowing what to say. His Mother looks like she’s ready to break, Michael’s smug look completely gone while all Hael does is stare. Their stare of is intense and Castiel knows they’re saying a lot without really saying a word.

“Can’t say I know what you’re talking about,” Hael’s reply is low, a dangerous edge to it, her scent turning sour with her anger. But Meg isn’t taking the hint or refuses to let the other Omega supposedly intimidate her.

“Awe, did you choose too suddenly before finding out which one of the two could actually work it?” Meg’s smile is unpleasant, her scent carrying her annoyance and displeasure.

“I’m doing pretty well in that department, Meg. Don’t you worry about it.”

“Really? Are you sure? You don’t seem very content-”

“I can assure you, my marriage is going well, Margaret. Never been happier with anything,” Hael’s eyes are set on him, one of her arm wrapping around Michael. The comment hurts but Castiel ignores it. “Unlike you, we would do fairly well even without the material things as an incentive.” Michael tenses next to Hael, his gaze falling on her before turning to smile at them, but it’s strained. Naomi stands to the side, her eyes never leaving Hael.

“Of course, you would! Cute dress by the way. What is it, two seasons old MK?”

“Margaret!” Naomi’s exclaims yet all Meg does is chuckle, her gaze still on Hael.

“I’d like to think I’m more mature than to care about the cost and brand of the clothes I wear.”

Meg makes a sound of disbelief, turning to Castiel before returning her eyes to Hael. Castiel thinks there’s more to their argument but can’t seem to catch up.

“Hael, can’t say I'm not surprised to hear that! You, all of all people, not being materialistic. I guess hell has finally frozen over.” Meg’s comment hits something in Hael, Castiel notes, seeing the anger burning in those pale blues.

“Well, it was great catching up.” Meg turns her back, only infuriating Hael even more.

“You insolent bi-”

“Hael, shut it!” Naomi growls, her scent overpowering and Castiel smiles, thinking finally his Mother has forgotten there might be cameras lingering around. Hael shuts her mouth completely, but her gaze remains rageful.

“Wow, what a good little bitch.” Meg laughs again, looking over her shoulder before walking away, not waiting for Castiel. Castiel is not about to stay behind so he quickly takes a hold of Meg’s belongings before turning to his Mother and Michael to say goodbye. He only nods in his Mother’s direction, moving his eyes to Michael next.

“I’ll see you in court, Michael,” and it’s perhaps the leftover smugness of Meg winning the argument, or perhaps something else but he walks away with confidence, carrying Meg’s luggage and bag, a small smile playing on his lips as he tries to catch up with her.

“Don’t you think you went a little overboard?” He asks once he reaches her side, turning to look at her.

Meg turns innocent eyes in his direction, but her amused smile betrays her completely. “Me? Clarence, I would never!” Meg exclaims dramatically, her hand going up to her chest to emphasize her point, Castiel only now noticing the also new watch encrusted with diamonds. Meg catches his gaze, smirking. “ _Cartier_ , Clarence.”

“Didn’t I let you know the card was for emergencies only?”

His Omega smirks, raising an eyebrow at Castiel like he was the one missing the point. “But it was an emergency. It got you out of the dog house,” she responds and all Castiel can do is shake his head, a small smile reaching his lips.

“I guess you hit the jackpot?”

“Oh, Clarence, don’t overestimate yourself,” she exclaims, winking. Castiel’s Alpha preens at seeing an Omega under his care happy, it stirs in his being and he hasn’t been more content for a while as he is now. As they reach his rented car, Castiel pauses in his strut, gaze focused on his Omega, seeing the way the setting sun hits her brown her, her eyes turning a soft, beautiful shade, a smile just as beautiful and he desperately asks God why he can’t fall in love with her instead.

 

**xXx**

 

Dean’s leg bounces nervously as he sits on one of the many chairs in Pamela Barnes’ waiting room. He wriggles his hands, desperately needing to keep them in motion to appease his anxiousness. Sarah Blake, Castiel’s secretary or whatever, had contacted Dean about having his first meeting with Dr. Barnes. Dean had been completely on board when Castiel had first suggested seeking professional health. However, now that he is here, all he can muster up inside is dread. Telling Ellen about his fucked situation had been hard. Telling Castiel, someone who is fucking important but also a stranger had been humiliating but even more difficult. Knowing that he now had to talk about everything all over again, to another stranger nonetheless, is making him want to hurl.

“Dean, it’s okay,” Ellen’s voice startles him, her hand settling on his thigh to halt his movements. Dean tenses at the touch, his muscles strain. Ellen’s scent is guilt-ridden as she rapidly takes her hand away apologizing. The guilt it brings makes him hate himself. “I’m sorry, Dean.” Ellen sighs, her hands now resting intertwined on top her of legs.

“No, Ellen, it’s not your-” He sighs because he can’t find it in himself to find the words to reassure her. “I’m just nervous about this, it’s all.”

“It’s okay to be nervous. Something like you went through is difficult to move on from,” Ellen turns her head to glance at him, her eyes full of remorse. It makes Dean feel uncomfortable because Ellen only reserves those looks when she thinks someone is going to die. It’s pity and remorse and guilt, all which make Dean feel like a poor hopeless wounded animal. “It’s good to see you getting some real help.”

The words feel patronizing, but Dean knows better. At this point, he’s just looking for anything to feel defensive about. Ellen means well, it’s not her fault Dean can’t find the necessary comfort he craves in her words. Even so, he’s forever grateful she was able to come with him today. It’s nice to know he’s not truly alone. But the thought doesn’t really comfort him because deep down Dean knows he would have liked to have Sammy here with him, too.

His scent must betray how he feels because Ellen turns her body to face him completely, her hand reaching for his, only pausing for a second asking for his permission before settling comfortably on it.

“I want to apologize to you for the way I talked to Sam,” Elle pauses, takes a long inhale before she continues, “I know it was inconsiderate and unfair to blame him. I was angry and didn’t think-”

“Ellen, don’t sweat it. I know how fucked it all this is and it’s my fault-”

“No Dean, listen. That’s not what I meant for you to-” She lets out a frustrated breath, turning her head away for a second. Dean scents the air, trying to figure out how she’s feeling but can’t really draw much from her scent. Ellen turns back to face him then, her expression broken and upset. “You know I love you, right?”

Dean panics inside, tired of everyone treating him like he has terminal cancer and only has a few weeks to live. At this point, the constant love showering feels more forced than reassuring and all he wants to do is hide from all of it.

Ellen squeezes his hand, gaining his attention back, but he can still feel the panic rising in him.

“Dean, I’m glad you told me,” she whispers, her hand giving his a last squeeze before pulling and turning away once again. Dean blinks, unsure. That hadn’t been the ending of the conversation he had been expecting. But Ellen doesn’t seem like she’s gonna carry on, and rather focuses on wiping the few tears from her face. Dean’s heart melts at the sight, feeling grateful once again and thankful because he thinks Ellen might have read him well enough to understand that a chick flick moment is the least of things he needs right now.

“I love you, too, Ellen.” He whispers, his voice rough with emotions, and his heart only feels full when she turns to look at him and smiles.

“I’ll talk to Sam, okay? I know you wanted him to be here-”

He sighs, not wanting to talk about this either. “Ellen, he’s been through enough-”

“And you’ve been through worse. The least he can do is be here to support you.”

There’s no real room for argument, so he nods his head and goes back to waiting silently. No matter how he feels about Sammy’s absence, he’s a little calmer now after that. He doesn’t even have to wait long before Dr. Barnes appears in the room, a wide friendly smile on her face. Dean recognizes her from the picture Castiel had Sarah send to him along with all the information Dean could possibly think of. It had been thoughtful and had also calmed his anxiety, then knowing he also had some kind of information about the person he’s going to have to pour his whole life story on.

He sees her approach the front desk, greeting the blond Beta that had helped them when they had arrived. The smile on Dr. Barnes never leaves her face as she talks to the Beta, and only widens when she turns to look at him, Dean knowing it's finally his turn to be psychoanalyzed and questioned.

"You must be Dean Winchester! I'm Pamela Barnes," she juts her hand out for him to shake. They don't spend much time on the introductions, so once Ellen has shaken her hand, Dr. Barnes leads him to her office.

Dr. Barnes office is not as he had imagined it. There's a white glass desk in front of the entrance, stacks of paper neatly sitting on top of it, a simple laptop opened with some kind of stickers stuck to the back. The chair is behind it, a nice pretty cream color, complimenting well with the fancy glass desk, two maroon leather chairs in front of it. Dean takes a minute to look around as Dr. Barnes moves behind her desk to gather whatever she needs. The walls are a nice cream tone, almost a little darker to her chairs tone. There's also a big window to the side, overlooking the other buildings surrounding this one. A big white tall floor vase, some kind of maroon flowers resting inside is sitting in one corner. It looks nice if a little too fancy for him who's used to simple things at home. There's also a white leather loveseat, two maroon, flowery decorative cushions on each end of it, and a small single leather sofa chair in front of. He also takes notice of the differently patterned carpet with all three main colors on it, a glass, white center table in the middle of it with a smaller version of the big floor vase on top of it, only this one is maroon with white flowers in it.

Everything is beautiful, well thought out and clean and it all makes him feel so out of place.

"Dean, please have a seat." Dr. Barnes exclaims, startling. The smile is still in place as she moves to sit on the single leather sofa, her back to the wall window. She gestures to the loveseat in front of her, silently asking him to sit. In contrast to Dr. Barnes friendly smile, Dean's a little more reserved, his nerves taking ahold of him. The scent of the room is neutral, and he can't really tell that she's an Omega by scent alone. He knows she is, Dean read the information Sarah had provided, but he thinks he would be a little bit more comfortable being able to smell how she's feeling to know how to read the mood.

Dean doesn't waste any more time and moves to sit on the loveseat, breathing in to still his nerves. His hands are sweaty, and he knows his scent is betraying his uneasiness, but Dr. Barnes doesn't look the least bit perturbed, her smile only widening when Dean settles his gaze on her. Dean thinks her face must hurt from having to smile all the time.

"Now, Dean, it's a great pleasure to have you here," her voice is still cheery, her hands holding a clear clipboard which is holding some pages. Dean wipes the sweat off his palms on his jeans, doing his best attempt at a smile. Despite his uneasiness, Dr. Barnes doesn’t do anything but clasp her hands together, giving Dean her undivided attention. “So, I know it’s hard and uncomfortable having to talk to a total stranger, so for this session, perhaps we could focus on something you’d like to discuss that doesn’t have to do anything with your situation?”

Dean exhales a breath he didn’t even know he was holding, relief taking over him. He nods, his smile a little more sincere.

“Yeah, that’d be awesome. But uh don’t I have to pay for every hour I spend here?” He grimaces, thinking that perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea, now. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d love to ignore everything but-”

Dr. Barnes waves her hand dismissively, interrupting him. “Sugar, don’t worry about that. These sessions are on Castiel.”

Dean frowns, his hands shaking.

“I wasn’t aware-”

Dr. Barnes rolls her eyes, interrupting him once more. “Yeah, I know. Castiel likes to play the Alpha savior quite often,” her words make Dean feel defensive over Castiel, because yeah, the guy might be an Alpha, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t a good guy. He had been nothing but accommodating and thoughtful toward Dean, so he thinks he owes the guy enough to defend him.

“He’s just trying to help. I don’t know why you’re trash talking him behind his back. Plus, I thought you two were good friends.”

Dr. Barnes looks even more amused at his reaction, looking down and ignoring it. “Is there anything you’d like to talk about today, Dean?”

He feels weird and out of place once again, so he shifts uncomfortably in his seat, rubbing his hands on his jeans one more time. “Do I really have to tell you my whole fucked up life?”

“I know the premises of it, so you don’t have to go into detail about it. At least if you don’t want to.” Dr. Barnes looks down, reading over her documents before taking a pen out of God-knows-where and starts writing. “I would really like for you to feel comfortable enough to tell me how you feel, however. Maybe explain more about what happened?” Her tone is hopeful, but not pushy, it’s starting to make him think this wouldn’t be too bad.

So he inhales deeply and starts asking questions and answering Dr. Barnes in return. It’s a little unconventional, and it all makes him feel like he’s talking to someone he just met and is willing to befriend. He talks about his childhood, the good parts of it at least, and asks Dr. Barnes about hers as well. It’s nice and not too bad, and before he knows it, their conversation is revolving around his relationship with Sammy without him even knowing it.

“I understand that you basically raised him, Sugar,” she starts to say an hour into their session, pausing to look down at her clipboard. She has made barely any annotations which have helped Dean ignore the fact that she's supposed to be psychoanalyzing him for the most part. “But I do believe your relationship with your brother might be a little too codependent.”

Dean closes off a little at that and starts getting a little defensive again. “He’s my pup. I don’t know what you’re talking about-”

“See, that’s what I’m talking about. I know it’s hard to see it after so many years of your father conditioning into believing he’s your pup, but Sugar, he’s your brother.”

Dean scuffs, frowning at her. “I know that, but I was the one-”

“Dean,” she interrupts him again, making him grit his teeth annoyed. “I am not questioning what you have done for your brother. I understand that you were the only person there for him and that perhaps you both have come to rely on each other when things are tough. But maybe along the way you started believing your father’s idea of a family as well.” The comment hurts something in him, his scent turning sour and his sadness takes over. Dr. Barnes sighs, clearly taking notice of his scent. “Dean, Sugar, I don’t mean to hurt you. But perhaps the reason why you and Sam act towards each other the way you do is that you both have become accustomed to the idea that you’re truly his Omega parent.”

Dean shakes his head, sudden tears obscuring his vision as he wriggles his hands nervously. “He has said that I’m his brother, father, and mother all in one,” Dean sniffs his heart breaking.

“See? It’s difficult to break away from that-”

“But he knows I’m his brother. Dr. Barnes, we know the difference, okay? Us acknowledging that I took Mom’s role doesn’t mean we’re crazy or whatever.” A bold tear falls, rolling down his cheek. He sniffs again, unable to meet Dr. Barnes gaze.

She doesn’t say much after that, only comforting Dean so he calms himself enough to put an end to their session. He feels raw and vulnerable, open to anyone to see and judge him. It doesn’t improve his sudden forlorn mood and feels even worse now. Having a stranger questioning his relationship with his brother isn’t something he was expecting, and now that it has happened all Dean thought he knew feels unsure. Does this mean all his relationships with the people he loves are weird and unconventional, and wrong?

The thoughts are now haunting him as he reaches the waiting area, seeing Ellen stand from her chair once she takes notice of him. Her eyes are questioning and full of worried, so Dean shakes his head hoping it’ll let her know he’s okay.

Dr. Barnes moves from behind him, grabbing a big yellow envelope from the Beta at the front desk before turning to him, passing it along. 

“Here, Castiel wanted you to see him after our first session, so you can give him this for me.”

He nods and takes the envelope from her before turning to walk out. Dean hears her say her goodbyes, but he doesn’t reciprocate because she has now put everything he thought he was sure of on unstable territory. He knows he’ll feel guilty later, but for now, he's too vulnerable to question his attitude.

Ellen must read his mood, so she doesn’t say anything as they make the drive to Castiel’s hotel. It takes them a little over half an hour and before he knows it, Dean is alone in front of the Alpha’s door room. He had asked Ellen to wait in the car because he needed some time alone with his thoughts, no matter how little time that was. But now that he’s standing in front of the door, outside and alone, he feels even more desolated than he had thought.

Dean knocks on the door, the tears blurring his vision all over, and he’s even able to smell his despair on his scent. He sniffs, and knocks once again, this time a little louder. The door opens, but it isn’t the person he had been expecting. Dean panics, thinking he has the wrong room before the Omega in front of him leans against the door frame, giving him the once over, her hard stare only softening after taking a look at his face and scenting him.

“You must be Dean. Clarence is waiting for you inside.”

His panic only increases because he doesn’t know any Clarence so why would he be waiting for Dean-

“Hey, hey, hey it’s okay. Breathe in,” Dean does as he's told and breathes in, but his panic doesn’t go away, and at this point, he's ready to start crying.

“I’m here for Castiel, I think I got the wrong room-” he wants to cry and hide, shame filling him again.

“Dean?” Dean turns his gaze to the voice and sighs a long breath of relief at seeing a familiar face, but it only helps a little and all he wants to do is run away and hide.

“Dr. Barnes said to see you after and this-” his words are all jumbled together but he doesn’t care, he just wants to get away because he has never felt this panicky before and it’s really scaring him.

“Dean, it’s okay. Breathe in, please,” Castiel pushes past the Omega, nodding in her direction before she nods in response and goes out of sight inside the room. Dean is still breathing in, holding the yellow envelope out for Castiel to take.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you, I just - Dr. Barnes said that I needed to see you and the envelope is yours-”

“Yeah, I know, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I wanted to know if you were okay after your first session with her.” The Omega Castiel had dismissed returns, then, passing a glass of water to the Alpha before disappearing inside again. Castiel passes the glass to Dean, silently asking him to drink. Dean is still a little on the edge so he obeys and drinks, feeling the cool water running down his throat.

“I don’t know why I freaked out, I was okay one second, and going crazy the next-” He rambles giving the glass back, Castiel only raising his hand to stop him.

“Dean, it’s okay. It tends to happen. Just breathe.” Castiel’s voice is soft despite how low it is, his eyes full of worry and Dean feels the guilt in him. Castiel opens the door, letting him know to come in, but all he does is shake his head, trying to steady his own breathing.

“No, you have - and Ellen is waiting downstairs for me. I -”

“Ok, ok. It’s ok. Don’t worry, Meg and I just arrived from the airport, we weren’t doing much but talking.” His words are meant to reassure him, and they do somewhat, but Dean is still guilty of his interruption.

He sniffs, blinking the blurriness from his vision. “She’s your girlfriend?”

“Fiancee, she’s staying with me until the case is over.” Castiel keeps his gaze on him, both the glass and envelope in his hands. Dean nods, not knowing what else to do because he wants to leave even more now that he knows he interrupted Castiel’s time with his fiancee.

“She’s really pretty,” he sniffs, his eyes blurring again. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling so out of place all of a sudden, but it all feels like when he had told Ellen about everything and he really isn’t enjoying it. His session with Dr. Barnes really fucked him rather than helped him. Dean doesn’t even let Castiel reply before he starts talking again. “I’m really sorry, Castiel. I just, Dr. Barnes said that I’m codependent on my brother and that our relationship is bad-” he looks down, sniffing.

“Dean, I can assure you that that isn’t what Pamela meant to make you feel.”

“I know, but it’s still annoying having a stranger tell me about how I am with Sammy. I mean I know, he’s not really my pup, I just…” he trails off, his voice small and unsure. Castiel takes a few, tentative steps forward, raising his hand up a little before thinking better of it and lets it fall back on his side.

“No one is questioning your relationship with your brother, Dean. Pamela only thinks that reevaluating it might be in your best interest. And your brother’s as well.”

Dean nods, sniffing again, but not meeting the Alpha’s gaze still. “Do you think all my relationships with everyone…?”

“No, Dean, I don’t think so. Like I said, we’re not questioning your relationship with Samuel, it’s just a little too codependent which can be harmful and extremely toxic in the worse situations.”

Dean nods, his nerves and worries appeased a little. “Okay, so I just reevaluate my relationship with Sammy and I need to - to - to what?” He asks, looking up.

Castiel smiles softly, taking Dean’s hand in his to squeeze reassuringly. “That’s something you’ll have to discuss in more depth with Pamela, alright?” Castiel squeezes his hand again, locking his gaze with Dean. “For now how about you go home and get some rest?”

Dean can’t do anything but nod in agreement before tightening his hold on Castiel hand a little. He doesn’t know what to think about his whole situation and at this point, he’s too exhausted with everything. He thinks that Cas may be right and he really needs to get home and maybe sleep and ignore this nightmare for the moment.

“Come on, I’ll accompany you back downstairs.”

It’s dark outside when they make it back to Ellen’s car, Dean’s hand still in Castiel as they walk, and it’s nice and grounding enough to keep him from wandering back to his dark thoughts. He’s inside the car soon, Ellen greeting the Alpha before starting the car, but not leaving before Castiel reminds them that their first court appearance will be in two weeks and all the doctor’s appointments Dean has between now and then.

“We talked about this, right? It’s going to be difficult before it gets easy and difficult again. Just know we’re there for you okay?”

The Alpha’s whispered confession is nice to hear and when he turns to look at Ellen, her own supporting look being thrown his way only starts to solidify his being once again.

“Thanks. Really thank you so much.”

And despite knowing this is only the beginning, Dean feels better knowing that everything will be worth it in the end and he’ll finally be able to be free of John Winchester and everything relating to him. His hand moves down to his abdomen because that also means being free of the fetus inside him no matter how much his guilts threatens to eat him alive. Dean’s going to be free.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The legal things in this chapter are a combination of the research I have done as well as my own ideas of the law in this universe. That means that it may be inaccurate and not all very true and I really hope that doesn't bother you all that much.

* * *

 

Dean Winchester is ten weeks pregnant, only two days before his very first court date when he experiences the first symptoms of his pregnancy.

He wakes at four thirty-seven a.m. and rushes to the bathroom to empty his stomach of what it feels is everything he has ever eaten. His throat hurts as he keeps vomiting, his eyes turning watery and his insides feeling like they will also slip up his throat and down the toilet. He stares down at it and sighs before feeling another wave of nausea and vomiting again.

It feels like it's never going to end. It feels horrible but not as bad as the past two weeks have felt. The worst two weeks for anyone going through his situation. Doctor's appointments all going so fast and slow but all of it still emotionally draining and shameful.

_You're very lucky to be alive, at least._

_Some kids aren't as lucky as you are to get out. Be grateful you're alive._

_Life is smiling at you. It's okay now._

_Everything happens for a reason. We can never question God's will._

_It might not be under the best circumstances but at least you got something good out of it. A little Angel to be there for you._

Dean vomits again, the thoughts making his stomach empty itself all over again. It's mostly bile now but he can't seem to stop the urge to let everything out.

_A little Angel to watch over you._

He sobs, his hand moving down his abdomen, feeling the slight swell only he has been able to notice. Something in his chest tightens, his hand turning into a fist over the small swell and he cries. Cries for the millionth time in his life. Cries over the fact that he no longer knows what to do. The kid inside him is  _his_ , but at the same time, Dean can't seem to break that little connection the fetus has with his father.  _Their_ father.

Dean doesn't know how long he spends hunch over the toilet, silently crying over everything again. Always crying. It seems that's all he can do these days.

"Oh, sweetie," Ellen's voice carries over, her voice a low murmured. She moves to kneel next to him, rubbing her hand over his back soothingly, using her other one to wipe the tears and sweat covering his face away. "I'm so sorry, Dean."

Dean is so tired of hearing the same damn words over and over and over again and nothing ever changing his miserable life.

Sorry isn't going to fix it. This isn't going to fix it.

"I don't know what to do, Ellen," he cries, his sobs barely letting him speak. "I can't do it. I can't."

Ellen shushes him, running her hand over his hair. "I know, Dean. I know. I'm so sorry."

He shakes his head, wanting to hear something else other than sorry. Needing to hear something else other than uncertainty in everyone's tone, like they don't think Dean can come up on top of this.

"I don't want it, Ellen, " he whispers, turning incredibly sad eyes her way. "I don't want it, but it's also mine.  _My baby_ , Ellen. It's not their fault but I'm disgusted and I want it out of me." His voice is hushed, scent sour and body shaking.

Ellen cries, pulling him to her, also not knowing what to do. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"I  _don't_ want it.  _I don't want it."_ He says it like he's trying to convince himself of it.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She keeps repeating the same words, always the same thing and Dean is so  _tired_ of hearing the same words over and over again.

"I'm going to kill them, Ellen. I'm going to kill them because I'm not strong enough."

There's a broken  _oh, sweetie_ before she starts rocking him back and forth. Their scents full of anguish hurt and desolation. Dean is scared and nothing is going to fix it.

No real Angels out there. No real anything at all.

 

xXx

 

Dean is sweating under his suit, his shoes two sizes too big for him, but they were the only things available for him to wear. Ellen had offered to take him shopping for actual suits and fancy leather shoes in his size, but the least Dean wanted was to spend a whole day at a store worrying over something he didn't have the pretense to even care about. He's grateful for her kindness but he just couldn't bear the thought of finding clothes for an event that he is dreading with his very own soul.

"All rise!" Dean jumps in his seat at the loud voice. He's nervous, _scared._  On the other side of the room is John Winchester and Dean has done everything he can to ignore his presence. But he knows his father is there, knows that there are friends, _police and military_ friends behind him all there to support him, trusting so much that he is innocent and Dean is lying. 

Castiel had explained how much this could perhaps sway the jury in the wrong direction but he had also seemed so confident that he can win this case for Dean and free him from his father. Free him from everything that is bad in his life.

"The Court of Kansas is now in session, the Honorable Judge Zacharia Adler presiding."

There's a second where Dean thinks he's going to run away as he stands and looks around. Ellen, Jo, Benny, Ash and Cas' fiancee are behind his side all there to support him, but no Sammy in sight. 

He breathes in shakily, blinking rapidly to rid himself of the blurriness in his vision. Dean really ought to stop fucking crying over everything. What does he expect? For people to just drop everything for him whenever he wants them to? Fucking selfish, weak Omega whore.

"Your Honor, today's case is Dean Winchester," Dean trembles, his fist tightening in an effort to stop the shaking. "versus John Winchester."

He turns a little to catch sight of John Winchester, sees the stoic expression on his face, dressed in a fancy suit Dean has no idea where he got from, and so confident it worries him for a second.

"Everyone but the jury may be seated. Mr. Walker, please swear in the jury."

"We're going to win, Dean. Please don't stress too much," Castiel whispers next to him, settling a comforting hand on Dean's arms as they take their seats once again. He tenses for a second before turning his gaze on him and nodding. John Winchester might look confident and stoic, but the way Castiel looks, Dean thinks his father has nothing on the Alpha next to him.

"Ok."

"Members of the jury, your duty today will be to determine whether the defendant is guilty or not guilty based only on facts and evidence provided in this case. The prosecution has the burden of proving the guilt of the defendant beyond a reasonable doubt. This burden remains on the prosecution through the trial. The prosecution must prove that a crime was committed and that the defendant is the person who committed the crime. However, if you are not satisfied with the defendant’s guilt to that extent, then reasonable doubt exists and the defendant must be found not guilty. Will the bailiff read the charges being made against Mr. John Winchester?"

Dean tenses in his chair, inhaling and clenching his fists. He takes a moment to thank Ellen in his head for having the thought of making him wear scent blockers today as the bailiff reads everything Castiel has thought of accusing John.

_Child sexual abuse, pedophilia, neglect, psychological trauma, infliction of serious bodily injury, rape of first and second degree, stalking, sexual harassment..._

It's a lot more but Dean tunes everything out. There was never a time where he thought so much had been caused to him, but as the bailiff keeps going Dean doesn't even believe much of it himself. How will everyone in there believe that he was weak enough to let something like that ever happen to him?

"The Defendant pleads..."

"Not guilty, Your Honor."

A little whine of protest leaves his mouth, his insides turning inside out, and tear welling up in his eyes.

Not guilty? _Not guilty?_   Like Dean isn't carrying his own sibling to prove it?

"Very well. We will immediately proceed to opening statements. Mr. Milton?"

Both Castiel and John Winchester's lawyer stand at their names. Another thing Dean has worried about since Castiel told him that his brother was going to be the one to represent John. How is Dean sure Castiel won't bend and let his brother take the win? Dean knows how sibling bonds can get, he's an example of it. Dean would do anything to never see Sammy's career or his life, in general, be jeopardized.

 _Except for this, right? Selfish_.

Dean turns to look back, seeing no Sammy and everything feels heavier on his shoulders. Dean can never do anything _right._

"Oh, right, of course. Will the Plaintiff please begin with their opening statement?"

Castiel stands, buttoning his suit jacket, confidence oozing from him. "Of, course. Thank you, Your Honor." Dean brings his gaze back to Ellen, seeing the reassured nod she gives him. His heart settles for just a bit, appreciating that at least she's here. But the lack of Bobby and Sammy is still unsettling. Dean feels like he wants to run away from here and forget he ever tried to do this in the first place.

Why couldn't he keep quiet about this? Why couldn't he be strong enough to take it and avoid all the people he cares about all these troubles?  _Why is he such a weak Omega whore? Why couldn't he learn his place?_

"May it please the court ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my name is Castiel Milton, counsel for Dean Winchester in this action." Castiel's voice draws his attention back to him, noticing the way he addresses the jury first before starting to pace as he speaks. John's condescending snort does nothing to deter Castiel from his speech like it does Dean. And it for some reason lets him put just a little more trust on the Alpha.

Dean hardly ever saw much kindness from strangers like he is receiving from Castiel and for a moment he likes to think that maybe this is who his Mother used to talk about when she'd tell Dean that Angels are watching over him. For a moment now he thinks how much he would've liked it to meet someone like him and actually have the life he so often dreamed about. The life his Mother used to brag about - the perfect Alpha with the two-point-five pups at their feet.

He looks down, zoning out for a second, thinking how great it would've been to have met Castiel himself in a different universe where his life wasn't the shit show it is.

Dean wishes his life was normal at all.

The Alpha's voice is a comfort as he takes his time to make his statement, to prove that John Winchester is nothing but a man who took advantage of his own child during the most vulnerable period of their life. He highlights the insensitivity and evilness of constantly abusing a five-year-old not only physically but psychologically as well up to their adulthood. How he was able to manipulate a small child into being raped by using the death of his own Mother during a time where a child is so easily influenced. 

The emotions in his voice shake Dean to his core, the way he speaks like he would do anything to never have it happen again even if it ruins him. Dean swallows the lump in his throat and tries to ignore all the scents of anger, and hurt, and disbelief and perhaps even guilt in the room. Castiel speaks with no cadence as if he doesn't care how uncomfortable it might be for many in that room to swallow the truth. 

Castiel cares so much it makes Dean's heart swell with gratitude for his care and his help and he wants to weep right there and then because Dean can't take it.

An hour and sixteen minutes later, Dean finally hears, "Thank you, Mr. Milton. Now, moving on to the Defendant. It's your turn for your opening statement."

"How are you doing, Dean?" Is the first thing he hears as soon as Castiel takes the seat next to him. He looks up, taking in the rough, fine lines of his face, the blue of his eyes and the chapped lips. 

"I'm fine. Thank you, Cas."

For a brief moment, Castiel takes his time trying to read the truth from Dean before he nods and looks forward trying to concentrate in what Michael Milton has to say.

It takes Michael twenty-seven minutes less than it had taken Castiel to prove his point and accused Dean of being a sneaky, promiscuous Omega who not only seduced his own father but also made up everything else about his abuse. The indignant noises behind Dean have him tensing, Ellen angrily calling out John Winchester a coward for taking such a route to get away with everything he had done to his own son.

The commotion has Judge Adler calling for order in the court before demanding that either Ellen shut up or she would be immediately removed.

It all leaves him weak, angry and hurt because Dean would never do something like that. He would never be sick enough to do something like that. The idea of it makes him want to puke.

"That's enough for today. The case will reconvene at a later date. Thank you."

Dean barely waits for Judge Adler to leave the courtroom before he's stumbling out of the room himself and running to lock himself in the restroom. The tears are already streaming down his face, his heart up in his throat as he tries to keep everything in his mouth a little longer until he makes it into a stall to throw up.

There are calls of his name behind him but he ignores it, moving quickly and falling to his knees as soon as he makes it to the toilet.

It's heartwrenching, disgusting, shameful and fucking exasperating that Dean can't do anything but this. What would his Mother say? What would she do in his place? What would she have done if she was alive? Would he be in this situation if she was alive?

Dean chokes on his sob, clenching his eyes tight trying to breathe but being unable to do so. He's panicking, his fist punching harshly against the small swell in his abdomen. The little swell only he has been able to notice.

"I'm sorry, Mom." He sobs again, unable to stop another urge to let his food and bile out, struggling through his breaths. The corners of his vision turn black as he keeps struggling to breathe. Trying so hard to stop being so pathetic.

"Come on, Dean. Breathe for me." Suddenly there are strong hands on him, pulling him to a broad chest and grabbing his face to make him look up. "Breathe in with me, Dean, please." The words are edged with desperation, harsh and deep, but filled with worry nonetheless. "Please, Dean, please."

Dean tries to focus a little, on the rumble of the deep voice, sounding very familiar all of a sudden before he starts imitating the person holding him.

"That's it, in deep. Hold it. There you go, out it goes." The hold on his body tightens a little, but never too strong to suffocate him. "There it is, you're doing so great, Dean. Come on."

"I never did what he said, Castiel. I would never-" He stops for a second, turning his face away to empty his stomach all over again.

Castiel makes shushing sounds, rubbing his hand over Dean's arms, so similar to what Ellen had done two days ago. The reminder only serves to embarrass him.

"I believe you, Dean. I know you would never do something like that," he pauses, taking his handkerchief out to wipe the Omega's mouth. "It's okay, Dean. Please believe me when I say I'm going to win this for you." He continues, whispering as he gently brushes the hair over Dean's forehead out of the way, wiping the sweat and tears away next. "It's going to be hard, get easy but hard, again, remember? But we have to persist, Dean, if we want to show them that we can get through this."

Dean stays quiet, resting his heavy head on the palm out for him instead of the toilet bowl.

"Please trust me, Dean. I'm going to do everything in power to help you, okay?"

The sincerity and heavy desperation in his voice calm Dean a little, making him breathe out easier before he finally focuses on the commotion outside the stall.

"I'm sorry you have to go through all of this but know I will be going above and beyond to get you the justice you deserve. I don't care what I have to do, Dean. I  _will_ get John Winchester to rot in a cell. I promise you that."

Ellen's call for him distract Dean a little from the words, but there's enough comfort in them to bask in. He plants a heavy hand on his abdomen again, looking at the grey walls of the stall.

"I want an abortion now."

"Of, course, Dean. We already have enough evidence to fake the miscarriage. I'll have a friend of mine help us with this."

Dean turns his gaze on him, his face still wet with the damn tears that never cease to stop falling. "We're going to lie in court?"

Castiel's expression hardens as he looks down for a second before looking back at Dean. "If you knew how corrupt this system is, you wouldn't feel so bad lying to get the justice you deserve. Trust me, the law is filled with people like Michael who lie to get people like your father out of punishment. A little white lie isn't going to do much if they don't find out."

Bitterness carries over his words and Dean has no other argument. Castiel knows better than him, why should Dean care for lying when Michael and John have lied about him in front of family and strangers alike?

"I want him to know I aborted it," Dean whispers, looking the Alpha straight in the eyes, still ignoring the noises outside. "I want him to know that I didn't want it. I want him to suffer and let him know that the idea of having something tie me to him disgusted me so much I killed the very thing he ever craved." Dean's hurt, desperate for revenge. At this point, he wants to do everything that could possibly hurt John Winchester.

Castiel hesitates for a second before complying. "Of course, Dean. I will see to it."

Those words are like a balm to the wounds in his soul.

Dean sighs, closing his eyes for a second, sniffing still trying to stop crying. "I want to go home now."

"Of course, Dean."

Low, deep, rumbling voice trying to tend to the wounds he carries. Just like that.

_Of course, Dean. Angels are watching over you._

At that moment he forgets about everything; forgets that Sammy and Bobby aren't there. For just a brief moment, he breathes in clean.

"I want to talk to Dr. Barnes," and the soft expression it brings over the Alpha's face makes the decision so much easier to accept.

"Anything you need, Dean."

Dean can't thank him enough at that point. He wants to weep, his gratitude rolling off of him as they stand, but it's, unfortunately, masked by the scent blockers. Castiel doesn't miss it, however as he smiles slightly his way, the open expression still over his face.

If Castiel can be sure about winning, so can Dean. He'll win and he'll have the satisfaction of seeing John Winchester rot alone in a cell. Dean and Castiel will see to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


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